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Relationships

Engagement

33 replies

angiejd · 09/06/2016 18:06

Due to get married in 3 weeks time. Just found out my engagement ring was bought from a pawn shop for £46. Nothing wrong In that but he lied and told me that it cost £450 from a reputable jewellers. He said he got rid of the box because he thought it was bad luck to keep the box, obviously didn't come in a box! He had also told relatives and myself that he had been paying money towards this ring for a few months as it cost so much!!! As I said I wouldn't mind the ring if he had just been upfront about it in the beginning. Thoughts please

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angiejd · 09/06/2016 21:20

There never was a ring in the first place that he was paying for, think it was something he just said without thinking, then realised he had no money or ring.

OP posts:

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Rachwyso · 09/06/2016 21:23

Confront him, it maybe he had dug himself into a hole as u suggest or there maybe a real issue-unknown debt etc... However will u b able to trust whatever he tells you, only you know him as a person and only you can decide whether or not to go ahead with the wedding. Is the relationship on the whole good or is this just the tip of a deceitful iceburg only you can decide once you confront him and find out the why he lied.

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Cabrinha · 09/06/2016 22:04

So what are you actually going to do?

Is he even going to give you back this £70?

Because that decides whether he scammed you for it temporarily, or has actually stolen from you

I don't think you should marry someone where one of other of you can't feel able to tell the other one what is going on, and where you haven't got a strong enough relationship and good enough communication to just ask him now what is going on.

And that's even before you get into not marrying a liar.

Who is paying for this disaster in waiting in 3 weeks time if he hasn't even got £70 of his own when he needs it?

I know it's a scary thing to call off a wedding, but it's better to do that, than have a miserable marriage to a liar and potentially and thief.

This smacks of debt, to need that £70. You want to marry into 50% of his debt?

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HeddaGarbled · 09/06/2016 22:05

Well, you definitely need to ask for your £70 back!

Time for a serious talk. You have to call him on this. He needs to know that he doesn't need to tell you or other people stupid lies, that he will look like a prat when he gets found out and that you need him to be honest with you so that you can trust him and that you care more about having an honest and equal marriage than you do about how much he spent on the ring.

Is he young? He sounds like he's got a lot of growing up to do. Do you think this is forgiveable as immature behaviour and being broke or is this part of a pattern of treating you a little bit contemptuously, like he thinks he can throw you any tiny titbit and you will lap it up gratefully?

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Cabrinha · 09/06/2016 22:08

This is not about getting into a hole or immature behaviour.

Because no kind of maths means he needed £70 to buy a £46 ring.

So it's not just lies about the ring cost, but the issue of scamming the poor OP out of at least £24.

Tip of the iceberg, this will be

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SandyY2K · 09/06/2016 22:23

TBH, it's not really about the £70 - even if he never borrowed the £70, he said he was saving for months. He went telling people about it.

So I'm thinking he purchased the actual ring way after he allegedly started saving - showing deception from the get go.

It sounds like he's hiding something or he wants people to think he's so great. When it's nobody's business how much your ring cost. Why did he feel the need to say anything to them?

Marriage is a big step. You should trust your fiancé fully at this stage.

I'd have to get to the bottom of this before saying "I do"

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RunRarebitRun · 09/06/2016 22:49

Yikes, I'd be walking away from this guy and walking fast. He's manipulated money out of you by lying about what he'd done. Not good. Honesty is a pretty basic thing to ask of your future spouse.

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TaintForTheLikesOfWe · 10/06/2016 05:15

Come on OP, this isn't a white lie, the subject matter makes it a whopping black one in layers too. Seriously have a word with yourself. It's the lies, but also what they represent. If he will lie about this, use it as a shoehorn to blagging more money from you and brag about it into the bargain, he is describing in minute detail so much about himself as a person. You were taken in. This will not be the last time he lies to your face about something massive, I guarantee it. Probably not the first time either.