Engagement

[angiejd]

Due to get married in 3 weeks time. Just found out my engagement ring was bought from a pawn shop for £46. Nothing wrong In that but he lied and told me that it cost £450 from a reputable jewellers. He said he got rid of the box because he thought it was bad luck to keep the box, obviously didn't come in a box! He had also told relatives and myself that he had been paying money towards this ring for a few months as it cost so much!!! As I said I wouldn't mind the ring if he had just been upfront about it in the beginning. Thoughts please

[TaintForTheLikesOfWe]

Come on OP, this isn't a white lie, the subject matter makes it a whopping black one in layers too. Seriously have a word with yourself. It's the lies, but also what they represent. If he will lie about this, use it as a shoehorn to blagging more money from you and brag about it into the bargain, he is describing in minute detail so much about himself as a person. You were taken in. This will not be the last time he lies to your face about something massive, I guarantee it. Probably not the first time either.

[RunRarebitRun]

Yikes, I'd be walking away from this guy and walking fast. He's manipulated money out of you by lying about what he'd done. Not good. Honesty is a pretty basic thing to ask of your future spouse.

[SandyY2K]

TBH, it's not really about the £70 - even if he never borrowed the £70, he said he was saving for months. He went telling people about it.

So I'm thinking he purchased the actual ring way after he allegedly started saving - showing deception from the get go.

It sounds like he's hiding something or he wants people to think he's so great. When it's nobody's business how much your ring cost. Why did he feel the need to say anything to them?

Marriage is a big step. You should trust your fiancé fully at this stage.

I'd have to get to the bottom of this before saying "I do"

[Cabrinha]

This is not about getting into a hole or immature behaviour.

Because no kind of maths means he needed £70 to buy a £46 ring.

So it's not just lies about the ring cost, but the issue of scamming the poor OP out of at least £24.

Tip of the iceberg, this will be

[HeddaGarbled]

Well, you definitely need to ask for your £70 back!

Time for a serious talk. You have to call him on this. He needs to know that he doesn't need to tell you or other people stupid lies, that he will look like a prat when he gets found out and that you need him to be honest with you so that you can trust him and that you care more about having an honest and equal marriage than you do about how much he spent on the ring.

Is he young? He sounds like he's got a lot of growing up to do. Do you think this is forgiveable as immature behaviour and being broke or is this part of a pattern of treating you a little bit contemptuously, like he thinks he can throw you any tiny titbit and you will lap it up gratefully?

[Cabrinha]

So what are you actually going to do?

Is he even going to give you back this £70?

Because that decides whether he scammed you for it temporarily, or has actually stolen from you

I don't think you should marry someone where one of other of you can't feel able to tell the other one what is going on, and where you haven't got a strong enough relationship and good enough communication to just ask him now what is going on.

And that's even before you get into not marrying a liar.

Who is paying for this disaster in waiting in 3 weeks time if he hasn't even got £70 of his own when he needs it?

I know it's a scary thing to call off a wedding, but it's better to do that, than have a miserable marriage to a liar and potentially and thief.

This smacks of debt, to need that £70. You want to marry into 50% of his debt?

[Rachwyso]

Confront him, it maybe he had dug himself into a hole as u suggest or there maybe a real issue-unknown debt etc... However will u b able to trust whatever he tells you, only you know him as a person and only you can decide whether or not to go ahead with the wedding. Is the relationship on the whole good or is this just the tip of a deceitful iceburg only you can decide once you confront him and find out the why he lied.

[angiejd]

There never was a ring in the first place that he was paying for, think it was something he just said without thinking, then realised he had no money or ring.

[EssentialHummus]

He also told me that he needed £70 as the last payment for the ring and he loaned it from me!

I'd be worried about where this money is going.

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

This suggests (well, pretty much in flashing neon lights) that you do not know him as well as you think you do.

My sister's gf had married a guy that was doing a maser's degree...come to find out he was spending on drugs and not even enrolled in the school. Deceptions can happen.

Are you going to proceed with the ceremony? I hope not. Start as you mean to go...he is setting the status quo for your relationship. You putting up with it now will just green light a parade of more of the same...or worse. Now is not the time to be a doormat or minimize or give benefits of doubt.

[Lookatyourwatchnow]

No. Don't marry him OP.

[DeathByMascara]

I'm confused by your last post. Did he produce the ring at the end of this payment plan and then ask you to contribute? And you knew nothing about this until the cheap ring was produced? But all along he'd been telling people there was a ring?

[SandyY2K]

Why did he need to lie to everyone about it though. If he just gave you the ring without the lies it wouldn't be a problem.

When lies just roll of his tongue without batting an eyelid, I'd be terribly concerned. What else has he lied to you about?

A symbol of your future and he lied.

I'd be out.... because of the lies and not the ring. He could have picked it up from the floor and not told me, but it's the lying that does the damage.

[angiejd]

I'm wondering if he dug a hole for himself by saying that he had been paying for the ring each month and when it came to it he actually had no money and no ring. He had mentioned to people he was going to ask. I really dont know I am sending myself crazy thinking about this and trying to decide what to do!

[angiejd]

A friend of mine works at the shop and no he doesn't know I know

[DeathByMascara]

Your first post, I didn't think was too alarming, but I'd have been disappointed in your shoes. Your second post worries me though. What would he have been needing that money for if clearly not the ring? There's something more going on here OP.

[purplefox]

How did you find out? Does he know you know?

I'd never marry someone who had lied to me to this degree. The cost of the ring would be irrelevant its the complete long-running bare faced deceit, how would you be able to trust someone who lies to such an extent?

[Rachwyso]

No, i didnt say that male pride and all that rubbish is a good reason not at all i was simply saying maybe thats why he felt the need to lie.

OP didnt say he had borrowed the money to pay for it until later.

I personally think a lie (white or any other colour) is still a lie and not acceptable-but judging by the state on my own relationship, im far from qualified to give relationship advice!

[HedgeSchool]

I think that's pretty scuzzy and potentially suggests an irresponsible attitude to money and/or concealed debts, as well as a slightly alarming capacity for mass lying to the OP and various relatives.

Male pride and all that rubbish

Which is obviously a perfectly good excuse for mass lying and for then borrowing money from the OP to pay for an imaginary engagement ring - what did he actually need the money for?

[Cabrinha]

And no, I don't tell my partner (or previous ones) white lies. Or as I call them, LIES.

[Jan45]

Kinda takes the romance out of the whole thing eh lol.

[Cabrinha]

I'm sorry, but I am certain you will have an unhappy marriage.

You should have included that latest bit in your OP

Reasons I think your marriage is a bad idea:

1. You can't just talk to him about it
   
2. He lies to you
   
3. He scams money off you
   

I would say I feel sorry for you, but I'm actually feeling pleased for you that you've found out in time!

[DrMorbius]

He got you to buy your own ring and made £24 on the deal .

It's not the cost, he is taking the piss. Marry him and you will regret it.

[Jan45]

I don't lie OP, especially about money to my partner, sorry but you need to find out exactly why he did this, it's not on.

[IthinkIamsinking]

You need to speak to him then. He may have debts you are unaware of.