Lies

[KitchenNightmare99]

I have caught my DH out on a lie not a massive one but one that has shook me enough.

I was away with friends overnight two months ago that day I heard from
DH sporadically he told me he was in house chilling. I tried to ring him a few times and no answer. My mum had DC as she had an activity she was bringing her too but I assumed DH would collect her later he didn't. When I got home I asked him what he had done he said nothing had spent day n house alone enjoying the peace and quiet. I just knew something didn't add up.

He has been quiet recently and we have been arguing. Last night I looked at his phone and there was nothing suspicious. I decided to look at his locations and seen that the day I was away he was in a seaside town about two hours from us. I confronted him and he said he just went a drive and didn't tell me because he knew I'd jump to conclusions. We had a long talk and he said about us arguing is making him unhappy etc and we did seem to get somewhere but this lie doesn't sit right with me.


In terms of OW there was nothing on his phone he is always with us if not in work. He doesn't go out on his own but I don't know why lie. Any views on this?

[LineyReborn]

If he was up to no good, it's likely he will have made a payment for something with a card, or taken cash out that day or the day before in anticipation of paying for it. It might be something to check.

[KitchenNightmare99]

The going a drive to clear hi head i can understand.

What I don't understand is: the blatant lying to me saying he was at home playing Xbox when he wasn't...he didn't answer my calls which were at the time he was there. And he didn't go pick up DC even when I asked him to but obviously he couldn't because he wasn't ten mins away he was two hours away. I've been very calm tonight and he has been extremely nice (nicer than he has been in weeks). Now as I'm lying trying to sleep I'm getting angry at being taken for a mug.

I can't find anything else incriminating though so I guess I will just need to watch things very closely

[OneTwoOneTwoThreeFour]

Personally, I think the "not getting on" spiel is just the script. Seems pretty textbook to me.

[rainbowstardrops]

Why would he drive to somewhere two hours away just because you haven't been getting on?

Why didn't he just tell you he'd had a drive out because the kids were with grandma?

Why didn't he pick the kids up later like you thought he would?

Doesn't add up to me! A day of peace and quiet does. Travelling two hours away? Not so much

[Ramblesoften]

If you weren't getting on - arguing - he needed time to think,
Why would he drive 2 hours when you weren't actually at home.

[OneTwoOneTwoThreeFour]

Why would he lie though? And mutter about "problems"? And have mentionitis?

There is something else going on here. Op suspects it. Instincts are almost always right.

[Hotwaterbottle1]

How do you look at locations? (useful for checking on my teens lol)

[booksandcoffee]

I'm with AF and Dr. M. It is all too easy to imagine the worst, but there are various reasons why he might have lied. The fact that he says he does not want to end things is good and if threads on MN are anything to go by, men who have found another woman tend to be more chipper. Good luck.

[AnyFucker]

Be careful, Dr M. I think we agreed the other day too. This could be a slippery slope. Or I am losing my marbles.

[DrMorbius]

Someone needs to report AF's account has been hacked

Worse I am actually going to agree with her post

But seriously, I would say perhaps he just wanted some "me time". Somewhere neutral or even somewhere he has happy memories from his past. As AF said; just to clear his mind and not to think of your current unhappy situation. Just to leave it all behind him for a couple of hours.

However saying to you he wants to clear his mind and not think of you and your current difficulties, would just cause more hassle (in his mind).

[HotNatured]

AF are you feeling ok?

[AnyFucker]

Keep a close eye. However, although I am usually one of the first to call out dodgy behaviour, there could still be a reasonable explanation for his trip to a seaside town. Maybe he just fancied blowing the cobwebs away if he has a lot on his mind. Who hasn't ever just headed off for the day on their own and then felt a bit silly about it ?

[KitchenNightmare99]

Checked his what's app and phone history nothing that would imply prostitute at all. I'm just going to keep a very very close eye on everything. He is adamant he doesn't want a break but he has agreed we need to work more on us. We will see...

[MissBianca]

More likely pre arranged trip to seaside with ow.

It's rubbish, OP, even worrying like this

[picklypopcorn]

Also, could he have a secret phone?

[picklypopcorn]

Prostitute I reckon, seaside town, unhappy marriage, no calls.

[crayfish]

Good point. Whatsapp doesn't show on a bill I think.

His explanation makes more sense I suppose but it's the 'conclusions' but that bothers me.

[OneTwoOneTwoThreeFour]

He wouldn't have needed to call or text someone he was with...

Anyway, sounds like you are concerned about your relationship anyway- have you thought about counselling? For you, I mean, rather than couples.

[SandyY2K]

He could have used a messaging app. That won't show up on the phone bill.

Have you tried to resolve all the arguing? Try taking time out to get to the bottom of what's making you both unhappy in a calm non accusatory manner on both sides.

[KitchenNightmare99]

Ok so on his phone bill no calls or texts made that day except the few to me. I spoke to him again and he has said he needed to clear his head that day we have been fighting loads (which is true) he is unhappy with work and us. He loves me but feels we don't get on...again true I've asked him does he want to break up he doesn't he is just 'fed up'

[LineyReborn]

The first time my ExH cheated on me that I know of, it was with a younger woman from work, during the day, at a Travel Lodge. For his part it took (a) organisation, and (b) lies.

It was his 'off' behaviour afterwards that was the giveaway. He minimised it for weeks.

I'm sorry if this is happening to you. It's crap.

[crayfish]

It doesn't sound great to be honest. Has he got form for this kind of thing? Are you usually jealous/paranoid? Just wondering why he would think you would jump to 'conclusions'?

Deleting stuff off a phone is easy peasy. Can you access his actual phone bill?

[OneTwoOneTwoThreeFour]

There's your answer, I reckon.

[KitchenNightmare99]

I don't know there is a girl in work I got a bit worried about no reason really just her name coming up a bit more but messages and call list don't show anything inappropriate just work stuff