Ex wife citing adultery

[MintCakeYum]

DP left his ex because she was violent and unstable.

We got together a few months later, they were still legally married although obviously not living together.

This was 2 years ago. He asked her for a divorce and she cited 'adultery' as the reason, meaning he has to pay for it.

He didn't leave her through adultery.

She doesn't work so could have got the divorce for free rather than making DP pay for the whole thing.

DP agreed as he just wants the divorce over and done with.

They have a child together and he already pays £100 more maintenance a month than he's required to.

He is struggling financially at the moment and feels like she's being vindictive.

[HappyJanuary]

I cited adultery and my lawyer said that we could try it but that if he didn't agree we'd have to give a different reason (unless I could prove it).

ExDH had to sign to say that he agreed to the fact that the marriage ended due to adultery.

Despite the fact that the reason is adultery, we are paying 50% costs each as that seemed fair. If your DP is paying full costs, he's agreed to do so.

[MintCakeYum]

This was the letter

[MintCakeYum]

He has one child.

[PoundingTheStreets]

I know it's easy to comment when you're not the person going through it, but in all honesty, it really doesn't matter what reason is cited on the divorce papers. No one other than the coupe divorcing gives a damn what the reason is. Of all the divorced people I know (myself included) I don't think any of us have ever been asked what we put on the petition, although we have often been asked why the relationship ended, which is where the truth (as you see it) can come in.

As for costs, everything is up for debate in a divorce. The balance you need to strike is between fairness, affordability and your own sanity if you seek to fight absolutely everything. I lost a lot financially when I divorced. I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever because it expedited the process, kept it amicable, allowed me to maintain my dignity and self-respect, and i didn't expend valuable energy on fighting that was better spent on building a new, better life for myself. That said, I was the higher earner, which has a bearing.

In all honesty, I would advise you and your Dp to let it go unless it is going to cause you real financial hardship.

[GarlicShake]

And because he wants a divorce he expects the taxpayer to pay for it?

My thought, too.

[Fourormore]

And because he wants a divorce he expects the taxpayer to pay for it?

The applicant was entitled to a fee remission.

[Hydroshield]

Technically we were committing adultery as they weren't divorced,

Yes, you were. She's entitled to cite aldutery because that's what it was!

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Why is she divorcing him?

Why is he asking her? He could have just divorced her?

[Tiggeryoubastard]

This utter prince of a man asked his wife do the taxpayer could fund his divorce.

[Tiggeryoubastard]

So the taxpayer could.

[NameChange30]

You're very naive
You've completely bought into your partner's claims that he is completely blameless and everything is his ex's fault
Don't you realise there are two sides to every story?
A man who blames his ex for everything would make me suspicious tbh
If they want a divorce and he has the money but she doesn't, he should pay for it
If he is contributing more than the minimum for child maintenance, that's his choice, and it's actually a decent thing to do, given that it's his child

[user7755]

If a woman had come on here and said that she was divorcing her husband because he was violent and unstable I strongly suspect that the responses would have been very different.

[Haffdonga]

He is not paying for the divorce because of adultery. The letter is saying the grounds of divorce are adultery.

Payment for divorce is not based on who did what in the marriage.

[SleeplessRageMonster]

I'd never trust what a man claimed his ex was like.

[MintCakeYum]

"If a woman had come on here and said that she was divorcing her husband because he was violent and unstable I strongly suspect that the responses would have been very different."

Agree, he suffered horribly at her hands. She has a conviction for GBH, not against DP but another ex. The violence was horrendous. She's getting help now but obviously he doesn't want to be married to her anymore.

I posted about a situation with her and DP once before, but it seems because it's a man the violence doesn't get taken seriously. Broken noses and being battered black and blue with blunt instruments doesn't just happen to women. It's sad.

[user7755]

Sounds like 'I believe you' doesn't extend to men - sorry that your partner went through this MintCake

[GarlicShake]

If a woman had come on here and said that she was divorcing her husband because he was violent and unstable I strongly suspect that the responses would have been very different

Eh??

If OP had said DP was divorcing his ex for her behaviour, that would be equivalent.

It's not what's happening here, so ...

[user7755]

It's the first line of the OP

He left her because of her abusive behaviour, a couple of months later he met the OP. STBEW is now divorcing him, citing adultery.

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

Your partner has left his son living with someone who is "violent and unstable" ? .

[pocketsaviour]

Domestic violence against men indeed often goes overlooked.

Is he happy that his child is resident with a violent criminal? Why did he not apply for the divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour i.e. violence towards him?

[GarlicShake]

Yes, User. I read the posts.

The abused husband is not divorcing the ex.

So your remark is totally off the field.

Let me help you. For equivalence, you'd have to say
If a woman had come on here and said that her husband was divorcing her because he was violent and unstable I strongly suspect that the responses would have been very different

And I don't think they would be! Indeed, many would say "Why don't you divorce him?" which many have here.

[user7755]

I don't need help thanks, I just completely disagree with you, on a reversed thread you may get a couple of people saying why don't you divorce him but those people will be challenged by others saying that it is that person's own decision.

It's appalling the assumptions that are made on here sometimes about women being victims and men being liars. Taking out of the equation that it is a new partner telling us what happened, there is no way that if a woman had reported her new female partner being subjected to violence anyone would reply 'there are two sides to every story'.

[MintCakeYum]

Yes I think that's the bottom line really. He should have petitioned her.