People in happy relationships: please give me advice

[genuineoriginalusername]

I have used an old username for this

I am just curious because my relationship history has been quite rocky. I've had some great partners, and sadly didn't realise at the time, and tried endlessly to make things work with others when it was really doomed from the start.
I don't trust my own judgement now, and I can't help but analyse my relationships all the time. So I want to ask, if you are in a happy relationship. How does it feel? Do you love each other all the time? If not, how do you deal with the periods when you don't love each other? How do you deal with the bits that you don't like about your partner?
I want to commit to my current partner, but I can't help having doubts sometimes. Obviously, its not perfect, but I think it could be good. But questioning it all the time is tiring for both of us. How do you make this commitment in your head and stop questioning your feelings?!

[wol1968]

I suppose the difference between my DH and my previous relationships was that it grew naturally. I never at any point felt the need to test him out, or to move things on, or to 'work at' the relationship at an unnaturally early stage, or to fix it in time so that I could feel secure. That wasn't to say that we didn't argue or that things were perfect (they're even less perfect 2 DCs later ), but I always felt we were in synch with each other, IYSWIM.

I'm wondering if you are now noticing the difference between an abusive relationship and a relationship with a good man which may not necessarily work. If that's so, don't put pressure on yourself. You've still got a lot to find out about you, him and what makes you tick, and dare I say it you need to have more faith in yourself. All commitments are a gamble to an extent, and if you can accept that you can stop beating yourself up for making 'mistakes' and feeling inhibited by the need to get it 'right' this time round. It's a learning process but not an exam. If you ever feel it is an exam, that's a yellow flag, and you need to ask some questions of yourself and him.

[HormonalHeap]

Love this: 'Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond- by the end you wish you had a club and a spade'.

I can only be completely myself with dh. He knows me better than anyone and we know eachother's strengths and weaknesses. We go the extra mile for eachother and we're both committed for life. He's a kind person and I respect him.

[BlueFolly]

How do you make this commitment in your head and stop questioning your feelings

Make sure you're with the right person.