Unfriendly mums at school gate

[Citygirlatheart1978]

Hi,
We have just moved to a new area amy my 8 year son started a new school.Everything seems to be going well for him but the mums are very unfriendly to me.I smile and say hello but I caught them staring at me quite a few times.My husband says they are jealous of how I look(he is biased)and I just told myself I was being paranoid.Last week my son came home from school and told lots of boys were talking about me and one of boys mothers told her son "She spends too much on fashion ".

I am not really concerned about me,whilst it would be nice to have friends at school I am more concerned that unkind comments but not help my son settle in his new school.

[SaorAlbaGuBrath]

Zombie thread alert 🚨

[Dibell]

term. I hate school run ! Mornings not to bad as they go straight in when you get there but the pick up is horrible? You stand there on your own a few mums say hi or smile others in there circle group chatting away.
I stand alone hoping they come out early so can go. I suffer from Social Anxiety so it makes it worse fell that other mums staring or talking about me. There been times when I been standing there waiting and I think I must be only mum feels this way as they all chatting away so must be something with me

[Citygirlatheart1978]

Thank you, I won't change my son is such a nice boy because he doesn't hear negative remarks about anyone at home.

[Lovetruelove]

It is terrible - never change yourself to fit in though you will just attract the wrong friends that are not 'you'.

[Choceclair123]

They're so obviously jealous. Make sure you put your best clobber on tomorrow and get waving like the queen

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

I only talk to a few school run parents. Most of them are very clicky and "I'm so involved with the school, I can do anything I want"

Cant be arsed with it. I've already do the primary school, playground jeering, I'm not doing it again.

[AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys]

Queenie - Your old neighbour sounds positively creepy if she was monitoring your laundry habits

Why do others parents go along with such nonsense?!

[thequeenofsandwich]

"she" was a neighbour. spent too much time watching my business and not enough on her own

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

but queen, how did they even know how often you washed your bedding? (Mind boggle).

My grandmother was super-good at this kind of judging. I never cleaned before she visited, since she would do it again anyway, while muttering. I quite enjoyed her dismay at my (actually pretty high, just not obsessive) domestic standards.

[Citygirlatheart1978]

Yes,it is like being back at school for the mums too.My son told me this evening he has been pick for one main of the main parts in the school play( I'm very proud) but I don't think it will help with my popularity.

[thequeenofsandwich]

nothing changes does it. my children are now 25 , 21 and 16 but I remember being ostracised at the school gate because, "she washes her bedding too often". .......

[Koopz]

They aren't dominant, they are just bitchy! My Son is 18m so no school gate crap yet thank god.
Hold your head high and don't let them make you feel you have to sit in your car, they are just jealous.

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

Our Catty Queen made a great show of laughing at my (admittedly ill-advised) colourful tights recently when I turned up to school pick-up with DH. I'm never normally there. The full smirk, point, nudge friend, whisper, laugh routine we all remember from the third year (I'm old). DH noticed, I didn't. He was very cross on my behalf, I shrugged it off.

Interestingly, she seems to intimidate a good few mothers, but the fathers have sussed her out much more quickly and dismissed her much more easily.

So, be more Dad, OP?

[AaaaaaarghhhWhereAreMyKeys]

Well I really hope one of these delightful ladies stumbles across this thread which will make them realise quite how ridiculous their behaviour is. They have absolutely no right to judge you when they don't even know you - How dare they! (I'm actually feeling quite grrrrrr on you behalf OP )

It's what's inside that counts anyway, you should be able to turn up wearing anything from a sack to a ballgown! Besides, I tend to admire those who do actually manage to look half-decent - they come across as very together and organised. People to admire, not berate.

There's a lady at DCs school who glares at me whenever she sees me - I try to ignore it and remind myself that it's her problem not mine.

No parent should go around judgypanting other parents at the school gate - It's not their place and none of their business.

[Citygirlatheart1978]

I am so glad I posted on here nowI'II just have to find the mums at school like you ladies.It is a very small school with only about 120 boys so I guess a few mums are dominant.

[Yoksha]

BillBrysonsBeard

Misery loves company

[BillBrysonsBeard]

Seriously, don't let ANYONE make you feel bad because of their own bitchiness and insecurities. The best thing you can do is carry on as normal, wear whatever the fuck you like and smile breezily. Bullies hate that! Why do some adult women make each other feel like this? Because they're not happy people and for some bizarre reason are always surrounded by others.
There will be plenty of nice, normal people just like that dad you met

[MoominPie22]

OP, anyone who goes on like like this is very basically not a nice person, and certainly not someone I would want to be friends with anyway. This is their true characters showing. Whether it´s through jealousy, hostility, wariness of you being a stranger, God knows. Not your issue. BTW some could just be a bit shy which is coming across as standoff-ish mind too. That´s why I wouldn´t go sit in the car.

Maintain a positive, confident and friendly air. Ignorre the ones giving you evils but I would continue to smile and acknowledge others incase they´re just a bit reserved naturally.

Wow, you certainly seem to have ruffled a few feathers by barely even opening your mouth though, respect! Especially if they´re out and out talking about you back home! What´s up with these people? Is it just that you´re very well put together and fashion conscious compared to the bitchy cliques of pyjama/legging wearing, scruffy-haired abrasive women? You´re probably making them feel insecure of their appearence!

But don´t lower your standards. If people can´t be arsed making a tiny bit of effort towards someone who is clearly new in town, making them feel welcome in the process, and judges them purely on their appearence then bugger them.

But I can´t believe they´re all like that. Just keep on keeping on and don´t withdraw or let the idiots wear you down. How dare people pass judgement when they haven´t had the basic good manners to open their mouths and speak to you? I think you sound like a breath of fresh air and they sound like right eejits!

[Citygirlatheart1978]

You have cheered me up no end! I think you're rightMyfavouriteClinton,the mean girls are always more noticeable just like at school.

[cranberryx]

I think this is jealousy pure and simple.

Hold your head high. They will have nothing but unhappiness if they spend all their time comparing themselves to other people and coming up short.

[Duckdeamon]

It's unlikely that they're ALL unfriendly: some will be alright.

[LeanneBattersby]

I think you're probably focusing on three or four queen bees. Look around at all the other mums and dads who aren't rolling their eyes at you. Make friends with them. In all likelihood, they'll be better friends anyway.

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

"She spends too much on fashion" Hah! That's hilarious. Obviously you look very very nice. Perhaps one or two of them feel inadequate by comparison and are scrabbling around for a way to criticise you.

Anyway. The catty groups (every school has got one) are often the most noticeable. There will be some nicer people around whom you haven't seen yet, possibly because they are keeping their distance from the catty ones. So don't give up hope.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

LOVE what Yoshka suggested

and remember they cant all be bitchy, there will be other parents that do |Bfast/after school etc.

definitely rather jealous of you - keep smiling

[musicismylife]

citygirl, no, do not sit in your car until the very last minute!

These mum's do not know you, so cannot dislike you. However, they could be jealous which is NOT your problem.

Keep your head held high & keep smiling