A dad's first date. Out of my depth? HELP

[1DAD2KIDS]

Basically I am a single dad with too kids. I seperated 7/8 months ago. My ex was the love of my life and left us for another man. It left me with two young children and a totally torn apart heart. I miss the connextion and intimacy I had with my wife so much (I have a thread regarding this).

Anyway I am sick of feeling this way and thought it would be nice to meet someone. So I started a bit of online dating as I have very little time to meet people in the conventional way. I have met someone I like and we have arranged a dare for just over a weeks time. But now I am worried in so many ways. I have really dived in over my depth.

Am I running before I can walk. I know my ex isn't coming back and neither do I want her back. But she was the love of my life and I still miss the life we once had. Is it too soon?

Have I got the time? With work and two young children (one is a baby) is it right to date someone if all you can give them is possibly a date once a week?

Also going on a date, I feel like a total fish out of water. It's been so long. I intended to be married for life so never thought I would be dating again. Please any tips?

[1DAD2KIDS]

Thanks. I would like to keep it a light hearted as possible. I am really scared of not reading the signs right or not reading them at all? How will I know if she intrested. I definitely not one to come on too strong but if she is intrested I don't want to come over too cold and ridged.

[donajimena]

Its easy to say 'oh you'll just know' but if its relaxed and the conversation flows and you feel comfortable the chances are she will too.
If you really enjoy yourself you can ask if she would like to meet up again. The worst that can happen is she says no.

[LovePGtipsMonkey]

oh and don't drink too much in order to calm the nerves! some nervousness is attarctive, but being drunk (despite it workng when you were young!) is not - which you probably realise anyway.

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Just a small tip for if (when - let's be positive!! ) it goes well and you'd perhaps like to meet up again ... don't leave it until the very end to suggest something, as this can lead to an stressful silence when you think "oh god, will she want to?" and she thinks "oh god, is he going to ask or not?"

If things seem good, perhaps talk about a film, exhibition or whatever which you'd absolutely love to see, and gauge whether you get a polite "oh really" or hopefully a warmer response such as "it sounds lovely". It takes a bit of the pressure off, and as I said it avoids that awkward moment when you say goodbye ...

[Goodbetterbest]

I think it's a good idea to meet for a coffee in the day first. A pre-date if you like, to decide if you want to go on a date.

It's incredibly nerve wracking, but also exciting. she'll probably be thinking the same. I met my partner online, he tried to finish our pre-date with a handshake, but I'm a hugger and a kisser. Think he thought I was a bit forward

Are you on the dating thread here? Lots of shared experiences.

[choceclair123]

Go on your date and enjoy it. You're entitled to a break and a social life. Probably do you the world of good, blow away the ole cobwebs and have a good laugh. Don't worry about not being able to meet up more than once a week at the moment, take each day as it comes, live in the moment and enjoy. Que sera sera

[leghoul]

Go on your date
don't talk about your ex
if pressed, change the subject but keep your answer very short - eg, we grew apart,you know how it is - or, wasn't working out for us - something very very non descript and breezy
otherwise, have fun!!

[HelpfulChap]

Good luck mate. Enjoy your date and be yourself.

In your situation I would be just as nervous but as the poster up thread said, try not too over think it.

[1DAD2KIDS]

You know what I am quite looking forward too it now (still scared as well). I am not expecting anything out of it. But I have been chatting quite alot to her and she seems really nice and funny. So if it goes well, great. If not its still nice to get out and I will have hopefully learned some lessons. Hopefully if there is chemistry I may get away with a dating beginners faux pas or two. I am meeting her after her work for a nice relaxed drink and a bit of bar food (bet she'll be hungry after work). I was thinking smart pain jumper, jeans and some suitable shoes?

[TheNaze73]

I think it's never too soon to get back dating, if that's how you feel. Just be honest, open & enjoy

[ToastedOrFresh]

You must be mid-date by now. Your clothes choice sounds cool. I hope it went ok hangs out waiting for an update because I'm a nosy cah

[Wombatinabathhat]

Toasted I think the date is a week tomorrow?

1DAD I'm sure you'll enjoy your date. Once a week sounds fine, even if it leads to just a friendship. The outfit sounds great. Good luck

[ToastedOrFresh]

OK. I didn't realise when it was.

OP - hope all goes well anyway.

[SwearySwearyQuiteContrary]

How about thinking of it as online-finding-a-friend rather than online dating? Take the pressure of both of you. If it goes well and you get on with each other, consider it adding a new positive friendship to your life rather than going straight into a relationship. I'm sure OD brings lots of people together that don't have that relationship spark but could be wonderful friends.
I really hope you both have a lovely time and your outfit sounds great, not OTT but making an effort.

[SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals]

Good luck, you will be fine, your clothes sound good, just be yourself. I think she will be as nervous as you

[1DAD2KIDS]

So tomorrow is the big day. To be honest I am surprisingly fairly cool about it. May be because I have been too busy to over think about it. Also we have talked a lot on line so I feel more relaxed about meeting her. My biggest fear is still the initial greeting. But no matter if I get the greeting wrong or right all I can do is crack on with the date and see what happens. It a little exciting. I feel like Neil Armstrong about to take the first foot step into a brave new world.

[donajimena]

Quick peck will be fine! Have a great time. I'll be waiting by this thread

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Definitely a good thing not to over think it

Hope you have a lovely time - we'll all be hoping to hear it went well

[ScarletBegonias]

Good luck this evening, 1DAD. Hope you're able to be relaxed (as far as possible) and enjoy it.

[GlitteryFluff]

Good luck op. Hope it goes well.

[BadDoGooder]

Just read whole thing, and wanted to say good luck!
You sound lovely!
You have been given so much good advice here, I don't need to add anything.
Be thinking of you later.

[TresDesolee]

Hope you have a lovely time tonight OP. And if you don't and end up feeling a bit crap and sad, don't be too hard on yourself - unfortunately that's quite normal for online dating!

I really don't want to piss on your chips, but I've been the woman sat across the table from men in your situation in the past, and I've honestly been quite surprised by how many divorced/separated men with kids dive into dating much too quickly. They seem to use it as a way of masking their emotional pain, not doing the hard work of just being single and coming to terms - properly! - with what has happened. And it's really not fair on the women they're dating.

This may not apply to you at all OP, but the fact that you're asking the question makes me wonder.

If you were going on a date with me tonight, I'd want you to honestly ask yourself:

Are you really in a good place, emotionally?
Do you have to consciously stop yourself talking about your ex and what she did to you?
Are you looking for a woman who's going to magically take your pain away?
Are you claiming to want a long-term relationship, but really you want a short-term rebound fling with someone forgettable?
Are you looking for someone to do your housework and look after your kids?

[isthismylifenow]

Good luck Dad. As mentioned upthread, just go with an open mind, as if you were just going to meet up with a new friend. If you are nervous you don't want to be babbling away and she not getting a word in edgeways, so if you think you are starting to talk too much, just breathe, relax and then just listen

[trinitybleu]

Good luck!

[mrsjskelton]

Good luck today you'll have a blast - don't put too much pressure on yourself! You're just a nice, single guy meeting a nice, single woman. Enjoy yourself!