A dad's first date. Out of my depth? HELP

[1DAD2KIDS]

Basically I am a single dad with too kids. I seperated 7/8 months ago. My ex was the love of my life and left us for another man. It left me with two young children and a totally torn apart heart. I miss the connextion and intimacy I had with my wife so much (I have a thread regarding this).

Anyway I am sick of feeling this way and thought it would be nice to meet someone. So I started a bit of online dating as I have very little time to meet people in the conventional way. I have met someone I like and we have arranged a dare for just over a weeks time. But now I am worried in so many ways. I have really dived in over my depth.

Am I running before I can walk. I know my ex isn't coming back and neither do I want her back. But she was the love of my life and I still miss the life we once had. Is it too soon?

Have I got the time? With work and two young children (one is a baby) is it right to date someone if all you can give them is possibly a date once a week?

Also going on a date, I feel like a total fish out of water. It's been so long. I intended to be married for life so never thought I would be dating again. Please any tips?

[1DAD2KIDS]

I know what you mean. It nice to remember your more than just a parent. Your a adult too with adult needs and desires. It's great to get that space were you can discover yourself again and explore new things.

[Claraoswald36]

Go! I started dating when my baby was about 6 months. Life had to go on and we are still adults with needs. It took me 4 years to meet a serious partner but I glad I just waded in. The first bloke I dated wasn't for me but the experience restored huge amounts of my confidence and identity. And made me feel normal and not just a mum!

[1DAD2KIDS]

That's sounds a good plan start a new thread as this is old. Best of luck to you. I must say if you truly feel ready get out there and enjoy. I am enjoying it. Like me you'll probably find the hardest barrier is free time.

[Perbsy]

You'll get much more support anthony if you start your own thread.

[anthonykay]

hi I am a single dad as well I have 2 children cut the long story short my ex wife cheated on me last year

[Wombatinabathhat]

I'm glad you had a good time. It's broken your duck, so to speak, and even if it doesn't blossom to romance, you'll have a friend to chat to.

[mrsjskelton]

Fab news! Even without spark, you're over a very big hurdle - good luck for your future dates!

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

So glad it went well, 1DAD and I agree with PPs that it doesn't actually matter whether a spark develops or not. If it does, that could be promising - if not, you could well have just made a lovely friend

You're also being very wise not to put any pressure on anyone, including yourself, and just to see how it goes. Funnily enough, that's often the route to things turning out exactly as you wanted them

[SwearySwearyQuiteContrary]

Well, this is a really good thing! You met a lovely lady in the same boat as you that you enjoyed talking to and spending time with.
She may indeed be in your life as a friend rather than potential relationship, but she is someone who understands your challenges as a lone parent looking for a connection with someone. It's always great to have someone you can ring up and say "I've got 20 minutes spare without kids, lets grab a coffee or go out to the pub for a drink!" with no pressure or expectation.
You sound like a great dad and lovely guy, and I'm sure that when the time comes you'll meet someone fantastic. Until that happens, I hope you enjoy getting out there and find some great mates too.

[AcrossthePond55]

I agree with trying another date, if she's agreeable. Sometimes one is so nervous on a first date that a 'spark' really can't be struck. And if there's no 'spark' the second time and you have things in common, that doesn't mean that you might not have found a new friend.

[GingerNutRiskIt]

Glad you both had a lovely time 1DAD.
Even if it lacked any spark, you still enjoyed yourself, and you need enjoyment in your life.
Really happy for you

[1DAD2KIDS]

So I have had a lovely time. She was very attractive, we had loads to talk about, alot in common (including a few old friends as it turns out) and the same sort of humour. We had a lovely time and great conversation. All was good apart from it lacked that spark. To be honest I wasn't feeling it and I think the same for her. But maybe I am wrong and this one's a slow burner. I don't hold out much hope but worth another try so she said we'll do it again. I will put the ball in her court and gauge her intrest.

Either it was a lovely evening and we had good time. It definitely showed me there are good women out there. So I am really pleased I did it and looking forward to dating again.

I must admit I was quite rusty tonight. But only to be expected. I suppose I will get smoother with practice.

[1DAD2KIDS]

That me on the move. Once more unto the breach dear friends. I will tell you how it goes later.

[Wombatinabathhat]

1DAD I hope you have a great time. You seem to have a good attitude about it. Just be yourself

[mumndad37]

You sound like you have a great attitude about your responsibilities, and about trying to get out more. I think plenty of women will be interested!! Especially those with young children themselves. Just be yourself, and try to relax.

[1DAD2KIDS]

I am perfectly happy with people who don't want to date people with babies. We all have different requirements. Likewise I wouldn't want to date anyone who's not happy about my young children. Luckily she has a young child and is perfectly happy with me having young kids. I am just aware that I am probably a little less desirable as I have little time for a girlfriend. But that doesn't mean there isn't someone out there for me who can accept my limitations.

[donajimena]

tresdolee you cheeky 'effer' seriously! You are not being sensitive OP. He/she was rude.
FWIW I wasn't really emotionally ready on paper when I went on my date as I still had feelings about my ex and the way it ended but as soon as I met my OH I was blown away.
One year on I am in a very happy relationship. Good luck.

[1DAD2KIDS]

Thanks everyone

TresDesolee I understand your input as it is based on experience. I can understand what your saying. As to if its too soon I cant really say for sure. I have never been in this situation before. But it feels right. At the end of the day its only a first date. I haven't looked that far ahead yet.

I think I am in a fairly good place emotionally. I still have scars and I still hurt on the odd occasion. But on the whole my outlook is very positive and very much focused on navigating the future. I am looking forward this date and meeting someone new. I have no expectations so what ever the outcome I wont be disappointed. Its just nice to get out and have some adult interaction.

There is far more to life than what my ex did. So that is history and I don't intend to talk about it. Obviously she has been a huge part of my life so I cant erase her from history but defiantly don't want her ghost interfering with my future.

I am looking for a woman connect with not a magical cure.

It only a first date. In terms of the length of relationship I have no set requirement. I am happy with long term if things go well and she was right for me but that just depends how things pan out. Some relationships last longer than others but I am not out there with the aim of a disposable relationship.

I am defiantly not locking for a house cleaner and child minder. To make things very clear I don't intend to introduce my children to anyone unless it became a very serious relationship and we had been together a long time. As far as I am concerned my children are my responsibility. Also I have been managing my household fairly well thank you and not looking to pass my responsibility onto someone else. May be I am being a bit over sensitive but it seems to me that there is a perception that men have no interest in looking after their children or managing the household. I want a soul mate not member of staff.

I was very worried when I started this but I really do feel empowered now. So thanks everyone. I intend to go, hopefully have a good time and go with the flow.

[GingerNutRiskIt]

Good luck 1DAD!
Be yourself and have a fab date. :)

[hellsbellsmelons]

Have fun.
Greet with a nice big smile and peck on the cheek.
She may for go for 2 kisses one on each cheek so look out for that.
Relax, be yourself and enjoy it.

[mrsjskelton]

Good luck today you'll have a blast - don't put too much pressure on yourself! You're just a nice, single guy meeting a nice, single woman. Enjoy yourself!

[trinitybleu]

Good luck!

[isthismylifenow]

Good luck Dad. As mentioned upthread, just go with an open mind, as if you were just going to meet up with a new friend. If you are nervous you don't want to be babbling away and she not getting a word in edgeways, so if you think you are starting to talk too much, just breathe, relax and then just listen