Holidays with DH: So frustrating!

[aquadoodledo]

I feel a little ungrateful writing this here tbh as I know there are plenty of families who would love to spend all of every school holiday together. However, it's driving me crazy. My husband that is.
We are both teachers and have a toddler, I work part-time (if you can call it that) and DH is full time. Every school holiday we have together is spent arguing and by the end, I can't wait to return to work for a break from him.
Our jobs are pretty demanding to say the least, so I understand that DH wants to 'rest' during his very well earned break, but we're so busy during the week that a lot of household jobs are put on hold. DH never finishes jobs and I see our holidays as a chance to yes, rest but also try to catch up. I spend my entire holiday giving DH instructions on what to do next because without them, he's super-glued to the sofa with a remote control in his hand.
He's a fabulous Dad and plays with DS inbetween switching the channels, but all whilst I run around like a blue-arsed fly. I'd quite like to play with DS myself and have a rest but I'm doing all of our household jobs without any help from him unless I request it. He seemingly has no motivation for anything whatsoever. He doesn't have to plan, organise anything. I found xmas a big pile of stress on top of an already enormous to-do list, he just appears to wander around at a leisurely pace asking me irritating questions about what I'm doing and why. My friend referred to him as an ' old man' last week. I've thought the same myself!

I feel I spend my time at work giving instructions to children, I dont want to spend my hols giving them to a fully grown man. It's depressing. Today I snapped that I was glad the Christmas holiday was coming to an end so that I didn't have to battle with him anymore. I feel really guilty.
Perhaps we are just spending far too much time together when we're not at work?
Holidays away from home are much better and I enjoy his company.
Every holiday we spend at home together is just a huge chore.
How can I get him to help more without giving him so many sodding instructions all the time?

[Bogeyface]

Am also guessing that his father worked and did nothing else, and his mother did everything domestic, no matter how many hours she may have worked outside the home?

[Caprinihahahaha]

If my DH leaves clothes on the floor I put them on his pillow. I certainly don't put them in the basket and wash them

He sounds a bit slobby tbh.
Get a cleaner but stop picking up after him without there being a consequence for him.

[redcaryellowcar]

It seems you've had quite a rough ride on this thread OP, I totally agree with you that holidays are hard, my dp. Is not a teacher but gleefully announced that he would be taking almost two weeks off for Christmas and new year. He suggests he might go to the cinema or meet friends but then doesn't so we all begin to suffer from cabin fever, it's made more tricky because if I arrange to take the DC out he either wants to come or makes a fuss about missing them.
I agree that getting a cleaner, even if only for a couple of hours a week would help, it does for us as means we have to tidy up for her to be able to clean and once a week the house looks lovely. It's sanity preservation!

[wafflerinchief]

Personally I find the Christmas holiday to be the hardest as the dc get v overexcited and behave badly and you have a lot of Christmas related stuff to do on top, and the expectation that you should be having a perfect family Christmas! The toddler age is also tough on its own, dc2 is just starting...since you're tired can you see if you can get some help with ds lined up for half term and get a rest for yourself?

[aquadoodledo]

Yes, DH's mother and father worked but domestic duties were always down to his mother. DH believes he helps out a lot more than he actually does, because he actually does more than his father did.He even points out inequalities in other relationships, but fails to notice it in ours.

What red and waffler said about the hols. It is so difficult.
What I find more taxing than anything is the mental pressure I feel I'm under rather than the practical side. DH appears to completely switch off, whilst I'm still organising Christmas etc. Planning our meals, planning DS' routine when it stops working. I feel I spend my job instructing, questioning etc and I do it all again when I'm at home with DH. He's mentally quite lazy. I'm as introvert as he in many ways so find it all very taxing and overwhelming when having to think/plan/organise everything whilst instructing DH on what to do also. Without instructions he would sit all day and just question everything I do. Exhausted.

[redexpat]

I know exactly what you mean. I'm also 'air traffic controller' in this house, and since my father died a month ago, I'm finding it impossible to do. So when DH says what's for dinner I say I dont know, whats on the meal plan? ANd he says we didnt do one he means I didnt initiate the conversation and I say well you'd better look in the fridge then. After a few crappy meals, he got better at it. It's still mostly me, but it was 90/10 and now it's more like 35/65. So we're getting there.

Could I recommend the marriage course if there's one running near you? It provides a safe space and the tools to talk about this kind of stuff. There is no public sharing. If there isnt one could you get hold of a dvd of it? It is a church based thing but really not overwhelmingly Christian.

I think the other book I mentioned up thread would help you both plan the holidays a bit better.