if you are going to be a SAHM or rely on partners income.. please please get married before agreeing to children.

[Marilynsbigsister]

I don't think I have ever seen a week like it on MN for women getting shafted by partners and father of their children. At least 4 or 5 threads on here at the moment from women left without homes and losing their way of life because their 'partners' have decided they want out. In the latest thread, the lady in question has been living together for 30yrs and will leave with only cm for two of their four children..(the others are over 18) . He has created a successful business while she has bought up a family. This is not recognised by the courts as they are not married.. Please please DO NOT have children with a man who doesn't respect you enough to marry, especially if you intend to stay home to raise baby or will only earn a part time wage and property is owned by partner... until the law is changed (not before time)

[captainproton]

Really dithered about getting married, at the time I had more assets and a slightly higher wage. But I felt like I needed to get married, to unify, grow a family and become one financial entity. We wanted to commit to each other to take care of each other, ride the rough with the smooth.

So, so glad I did because I got sick, lost my fancy pants career and now SAHM. The money and the children are equally ours, and have always been viewed as such. I would be petrified of DH leaving me if he were just my DP. We are having another child, sure it will mean more financial sacrifice but there is no way we could have another if I worked. Sometimes life has other ideas, and money is not everything. I worked my arse off and we had s load of spare cash, but no time to relax and enjoy life.

So yes by all means think yourself smart for not getting married because you earn pots of money. But tell me how your plans work out if you got made redundant or you got Sick or had a sick child.

[Baconyum]

Libraries am I right in thinking your posts apply to law in England and Wales ? Because I don't think that's true here in Scotland and I think Northern Ireland similar to Scotland.

Eg here in Scotland children cannot be completely disinherited and if the main asset is the house belonging to eg their father and their father lives with a woman that woman can lose her home.

[LibrariesGaveUsP0wer]

Yes Bacony. Sorry, should have specified England and Wales. I don't know about Scottish law. From what I know of family in NI there is no rule that children must inherit, but that's just experience and not knowledge so may be wrong!

[LibrariesGaveUsP0wer]

www.gov.scot/Publications/2005/12/05115128/51285

As I said, I know nothing about Scottish law, but if this article is right it suggests that the rights of children/spouses are very limited if there is a valid will. It suggests that their right not to be disinherited applies only to moveable estate. No idea if that article is accurate.

[LibrariesGaveUsP0wer]

Sorry for multiple posts, but another thought.

As regards the idea of a joint tenancy rather than tenancy in common, yes, I would suspect that it totally different in Scotland. The whole system of land ownership is based on a different structure and principles.

In short, it's probably even more important in Scotland to have a valid will if you aren't married, and to own the house in joint names.

[KERALA1]

I think the message is just be a little hard headed and most importantly informed before drifting into big big decisions (having babies, who owns where you live etc).

[Baconyum]

I'm certainly raising dd not to rely on someone else. Though she's well aware of what her dad and several of her friends dad's have done in screwing over their mums!

[EnaSharplesHairnet]

I feel the message I will give both sexes is commit wholeheartedly to a family life, don't drift.

(That may be more appealing to romantics who don't wish to appear hard-hearted!)

[MaybeDoctor]

I married for love. Absolutely and utterly for love.

Thirteen years, a child and a marital crisis later, I am hugely glad that I married for the financial security it gives me now and hopefully in the future.

[KERALA1]

Reading Jane Austen looks like marriage for love a relatively recent thing for middle class / those with property! Obviously thats not right and is not at all romantic but think as a society we have gone too far the other way and ignore this stuff to the peril of some.