DH and i have been together for 10 happy years. DH has two BFFs from his childhood. Lets call them Man1 and Man2.
Man1 is a friend of mine. He actually fixed DH and i up on a blind date and we have been together ever since. Man2 is the problem.
When DH and i met, Man2 was in the Marines and so we didn't see much of him. He then left the Marines and so was around much more and i had the chance to get to know him as we all lived in London. But this has never gone well. He is i think a nice guy, quite alpha male. But for some reason he has never warmed to me. I always feel very uncomfortable around him. This is his doing, i try to chat but he never wants to interract with me. He never talks about his job for privacy reasons (specialist Police) so i can never say "hey how was work". He has very outdoorsey hobbies like rock climbing and sky diving which i know nothing about so i have always found it hard to strike up a conversation about that, but i do always try. He doesn't have a problem chatting up women, i have witnessed this on nights out. So he can talk but for some reason he doesn't like me and won't make the effort to talk to me other than very very basic conversation.
We now live abroad and Man2 has visited us over the years. I have always made an effort; lovely fresh bedding and flowers in the spare room, i cook nice home cooked meals, bake fresh bread and cakes etc etc, i think i do a good job as a hostess. He is polite when he is here but if for some reason he and i are alone, like when DH is at work and his flight back home is a couple of hours later, i always feel uncomfortable and our conversation is minimal and uncomfortable.
I have spoken to DH about this and he says he doesn't know why he is like this and it isn't something i have done. I always let Man2 and DH do their manly things together; they go off skiing, nights out etc. I am not the kind of wife to keep DH on a short lease. So i don't know why he has a problem with me. DH doesn't have an answer other than that Man2 is very alpha male and perhaps thinks we don't have a lot in common. He is right but Man1 is also very alpha and i have no problem talking to him, he is friendly and pleasant.
We made Man1 Godfather of DC1 and DC2 is due to be baptised soon. DH wants Man2 to be Godfather. For all the reasons mentioned, i do not. DH really wants Man2 to be godfather, as DH, Man1 and Man2 are BFFs for forever etc etc. DH knows why i have my reservations but still wants to go ahead. We will see Man2 at Christmas, it will be the first time we have seen him in almost a year. After 10 years of feeling uncomfortable around him i have had enough. I want to know what his problem is i just don't know how to do it.
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Why doesn't he like me? I don't want him as Godfather
PinkBallerina · 18/11/2015 17:09
Isn't lovely fresh bedding in the spare room a basic?
Doesn't everyone give guests a clean bed? 
Look, you don't do the bed / flowers / baking stuff for him. You do it because it's the way you like to host. You do it for him. I don't think he needs to be more than ordinarily grateful for that. I doubt he cares whether there are flowers there at all. It would be more making an effort if you always had a rock climbing recent magazine in there for him.
I'm not saying that home cooking isn't a nice thing to do. You do sound like a good host in that way - but it's not as big a deal as I feel you're making it.
You say you always try to make conversation but you're clearly awkward about the topics. It sounds like you're trying way too hard. Like you're trying to host the perfect dinner party and introduce everyone with the perfect introductory snippet. You've known him 10 years - just leave him alone! You say you feel awkward with him, I'm sure it's the same for him. Who knows who started that... but I expect it's escalated. You just don't sound like you have anything in common. My limited experience of Forces men is that they're pretty happy on their own and don't need to make social chit chat.
I'm sorry if I've got this all wrong and he's actually off with you.
But it seems to me that good hosting is recognising your guests needs. His need is not for polite small talk, but to be left alone to chill out. I'd just postpone the godparent chat irbil after you see him next, and try hosting differently. Don't try to engage him with small talk about a sport you don't care about. See how the atmosphere goes if you just let him fend for himself.
If you do feel he is rude after that, get your husband to ask why / it's his mate.
You're joking?
If my husband texted my close friend, to ask why my other close friend didn't like me, I'd be really pissed off.
Why aren't you asking your husband to speak to him?
In your last post you sound so needy about him, I'm not surprised he doesn't act comfortably around you. Forget him carrying a torch for you, perhaps he thinks you're carrying a torch for him and that's why he's awkward! Even if not, he must be picking up on your desperation for approval.
I can't believe you've involved Man1 instead of your husband! 
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