How do I get him to leave? Prostitues & lies

[Hithere820]

I found my husband viewing prostitutes and then I found a map on google from our house to an escort agency near by (when he was meant to be looking after our baby) not sure if he's done anything but he is a huge liar, looks me in the face and can lie about the most trivial thing, porn for example. I need him to leave, we share a rented property but me and my children have no where to go and all our things are here. He said he won't leave? Anyone got any ideas? I'm going for a full STI check aswell today. Absolutely disgusted.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Why do you feel scared? Are you scared of what he might do if you insist on him leaving? If so, make contact with your nearest Women's Aid office //www.womensaid.org.uk

[Hithere820]

Yes once he told me he had stopped watching porn never wanted to watch it again the next day I saw it on his phone I asked him he just knew he had been caught out and had to eventually admit it obviously after saying it was my fault etc etc. since having my Dc he's been so distant secretive and wants nothing to do with me, we still have sex about twice a week but only because I mak him feel bad about it then it lasts 2 seconds. I have never felt like this in my life I'm on the bus now nearly in tears.

[pocketsaviour]

OK. So he lies through his teeth about things and then becomes nasty to you when caught out, and tells you it's your fault.

He is withholding sex from you purposely while presumably masturbating very regularly. That is not the act of a loving partner.

He has become distant and secretive since your wedding/birth of DC. That doesn't happen in a vacuum. He has become secretive because he has a secret(s).

What do you feel you want to do now OP? Do you want practical advice about getting him out? Have you got any supportive friends or family in your life (not the ones you mentioned earlier )

[Hithere820]

I have spoken to CA they said because we are married I cannot make him leave but if he does he is liable to pay half the rent until the tenancy ends. I don't know where to go what to do I'm constantly checking up on him I get paranoid when I go to work and leave him at home when he gets up I usually make an excuse then can't sleep. I feel physically and mentally drained. I'm just so worried about the future

[Hithere820]

I don't want to pretend like nothing has happened anymore, he had his chance. I can't feel like this anymore. But I'm worried I'll not say anything and just carry on feeling worse about myself!

[Wando]

Pocket puts it very succinctly what an arse this man is. Please have a think about anyone you could talk to would be supportive. You need a shoulder to cry on and a person to listen and most importantly for him to be out of your life.

[Hithere820]

I've spoken to friends/ colleagues who all say watch him try and keep checking his phone etc but he deletes everything! Except that google maps which he probably thought I wouldn't see but it was up on his recent pages on iPhone. I can't see what else he would be looking for in that street, all that's on there is costa coffee and greggs and a pizza shop lol! I doubt he would be eager to travel that far for either of them. I just died when I typed the street name into Google and escort agencies came up!!! Maybe I'm just very suspicious. He text before from work saying he loves me etc as if nothing is wrong

[summerwinterton]

but why do you need more evidence? If you aren't happy then you aren't happy. You don't need any more reason to leave surely?

And he can say what he likes, his actions show what type of man he is.

[Hithere820]

I sent him a text asking if he had been to our local town (what I saw on maps) he said why? .... Surely he would say no as there would be no reason he would be there! I'm so confused. I know I don't need a reason to leave I just want there to be a reason as we were so happy! Fed up

[Hithere820]

Anyone out there? Feeling very low

[Hithere820]

I checked his location on iPhone like PP said but nothing is there. I told him this morning I saw porn on his phone (I'm not bothered about porn but he used to have abit of a problem with it) i just wanted to see what he would say and he looked me straight in the eyes and said I musnt of seen it as he's never watched it. How can you lie about something so ridiculous? And make me out as if I'm mad? I also asked him if he had been to that area he had on google maps lately and h just looked at me like I was an idiot. He says I'm ridiculous and insecure but he doesn't see he's a liar!

[pocketsaviour]

OK.

Stop having conversations with him, because his barefaced lies are just twisting you up in knots.

You don't need "proof" to leave this marriage.

Your friends sound naïve. Why would you just sit and watch him lying to you? Why tolerate it? I will be generous and assume they are in good relationships and cannot imagine their own partners doing such shitty things, so they don't really know what to say.

IME liars don't change. It's almost like an addiction. They have no respect for anyone but themselves, no conscience about it. They only tell the truth if it's convenient.

[summerwinterton]

he is gaslighting you. find your self respect and get rid.

[Hithere820]

He has always seemed genuine, we have been together 4 year. He still won't admit the porn I don't get it, it's pathetic it's just porn! As for this street on Google i dunno, I don't think he has seen an escort. But why search for one? To look at pictures? I don't get it?

[Hithere820]

He wants us to start again, I need help. How can I tell him no? I don't want this.

[summerwinterton]

Just say no and it is over. That is all you need to say.

[Joysmum]

You don't need to justify your right not to be chained to this hideous excuse for a man, you say no and you keep saying it.

[Hithere820]

Should I say I know you have in fact been lying and I see you have been searching again or should I just say no leave? I know he's going to turn everything around on to me and make everyone think it's me yet again!

[summerwinterton]

why bother - he will only deny it. Why whip up all the drama if you don't need to. He will only blame you. No is a complete sentence.

[Hithere820]

I told him I don't feel the same he says I'm depressed and we need to start from the start. I'm just ignoring him atm. I didn't want to end this but without trust? What is there?

[Joysmum]

summer is right, no is a complete sentence. If you get caught up in justifying things, you give ammunition for him to open dialogue.

[Hithere820]

I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown, I feel like I need to lash out and hit out I'm so angry and depressed I am scared.

[pocketsaviour]

"I don't want to be with you and I'd like you to leave. I don't want to discuss it further."

Repeat until he gets bored.

Can you ring round a few local solicitors on Monday and get some free half-hour appointments? Ask them how you can proceed with the living together thing. They may have some ideas to get him to leave early. Take a copy of your rental agreement with you.

[Hithere820]

Yes I could go see one Tuesday maybe as im at work Monday. I feel helpless, I thought he was the one stupid me. He has kept so much a secret I feel I will never trust anyone again.