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Relationships

Friend, flatmate and mixed doubles partner mess!

37 replies

LooksAreDeuceiving · 10/06/2015 01:00

Hello, I was looking for a place to write this all down and get it straight in my head and see who (if anybody) is BU in this case, but think that relationships is probably safer than AIBU!*

So, my main group of friends are from a tennis club. We all see a lot of each other, because between practice sessions, coaching, matches and the odd social there's something almost every night you can go to.

I joined about five years ago, and quickly became good friends with Henry. We never played together, except for fun, but got on very well and he knew everybody at the club, so introduced me to lots of people and basically taught me my way around.

Victoria joined at the same time as me, but I didn't really know her that well at first - we mainly did different nights. After a couple of years we saw more of each other and became quite friendly, and when her flatmate moved out, and I was looking for somewhere to live she suggested I flatshare with her. That's all been going very well, and works very nicely.

Victoria and Henry have never been that good friends, they get on ok but she thinks he's arrogant, and he thinks she can be bossy and difficult. I like them both very much, so don't get involved!

Henry used to play mixed doubles with his girlfriend, but they split up a couple of months ago after she moved to another country last summer and they couldn't make long distance work. He's been quite upset about it, and has been throwing himself into the club. Anyway, he's fed up of not having a partner and asked Victoria to try out with him (he's good so she jumped at the chance to play with him, even though they aren't that good friends). They've had some lessons together and have been practising hard and it seems to be working well.

Anyway, now I come to the bit where it's become a bit of a mess. We had a few people around to our flat at the weekend for dinner and drinks and a film. It got quite late and ended up with just me, Victoria, Henry and another friend, and we decided to watch a second film. I was sharing a sofa with Henry and he put his arm around me while we were watching, so we ended up cuddled up with my head on his chest.

Victoria wasn't happy about this, but said she doesn't want to talk about it. She's now acting completely normally (although we haven't all seen each other at the same time yet...).

I'm not quite sure what I did wrong though - he was the one who put his arm around me, and besides he's still quite cut up about breaking up with his girlfriend. He's quite a tactile person anyway, and if he's a bit tired, has had a few drinks and wants a hug I'm fine with it.

It isn't like he's suddenly going to ask me to play with him instead of her! And if anything, I should be the jealous one, since he was my friend first (childish as that sounds)!

Should I just ignore it and hope it was a result of the wine and that it never gets mentioned again? I know it sounds a bit daft, but I'm such good friends with both of them that I don't want anything bad to happen to either friendship Sad

*Names and some details have been changed so it isn't too identifying.

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gamerchick · 16/06/2015 08:54

Well you're the friend, she's the one he's going to end up bedding (or visa versa) It's pretty obvious that she's into him and it's just a matter of time.

Just detach and let them get on with it incase it gets messy later on.

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LooksAreDeuceiving · 16/06/2015 08:27

I've probably been speaking to him more recently too - since he split up with Felicity (I'll stick with the JC/style names!) I've been 'checking up' on him a bit more in the evenings, just to make sure he was ok. And he's messaged me more too - probably because he didn't have Fliss to talk to.

I was the one who got the whole "we've split up, but I'm fine" followed by the the later "I'm not fine" text, and offered tea and sympathy.

So I probably just need to get used to not speaking to him every night again.

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LooksAreDeuceiving · 16/06/2015 08:18

I didn't know anymore! I don't think so, but when I first became friends with him he'd just split up with a girlfriend of 3/4 years so was a bit fed up about that, then he started going out with somebody else about a year later and was with her until a couple of months ago, so he's always been off-limits in that way anyway. He's a bit older than me too.

I just feel very comfortable with him, and liked how our friendship was - and now it seems like it might be changing.

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KoalatyControl · 15/06/2015 23:58

Are you sure you don't have feelings for Henry?

If you absolutely didn't, wouldn't you just be pleased that your friends Victoria and Henry seem to be heading towards getting it on?

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Smellyoulateralligator · 15/06/2015 23:44

What have I missed tonight? Fill me in someone please.

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LooksAreDeuceiving · 15/06/2015 23:20

Well, I think you might all be right, surprising though I find it - they were messaging each other all evening, so I'm guessing it's more than just arranging a lesson. Actually, they're still going - I can hear her typing now.

I feel a bit jealous actually, which is stupid and I need to get over - especially if they might end up going out. It's just the fact that he's always been my friend, not hers, and now she's getting him as both a friend and a tennis partner.

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GERTI · 11/06/2015 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AyMamita · 10/06/2015 22:25

Grin ApplePaltrow

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IonaMumsnet · 10/06/2015 20:44

Evening all, just popping by to remind folk of our rules on trollhunting. The OP has indeed been here a number of years and we've no reason to think she's not genuine, so please do pop the troll nets back in the shed. Thanks!

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LooksAreDeuceiving · 10/06/2015 17:59

Oh right, that does make sense.

Well, maybe I was being a tad overdramatic about it (everything always seems worse at one o'clock in the morning) but I'm glad I started the thread. It's really cheered me up thinking about it as some sort of Jilly Cooper-esque bonkbuster (and I didn't even tell you that Henry's flatmate is annoyed because he was thinking of asking Victoria to partner him!).

But there's a thread on AIBU about somebody who asked her friend to give her fiancé a hug, and the way people are going on on that makes it sound like she booked then a room at the local hotel, so hugs obviously can incite strong feelings...

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ApplePaltrow · 10/06/2015 17:25

Only one solution: burn the flat to the ground.

An overreaction: maybe, but you're the one who created a thread about a man giving you a hug.

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Twinklestein · 10/06/2015 17:22

Not exactly, there was a very obvious troll thread that a lot of posters fell for, now they're feeling foolish and seeing trolls everywhere...

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LooksAreDeuceiving · 10/06/2015 17:10

Hopping I suppose because it's a quick way to get lots of opinions and use it as a sounding board? In not very many comments there have been quite a few different takes on it. There's plenty on the site not about parenting too so I kind of got sucked in via FWR and AIBU! And I am on the correct board at least and not posting about bumsex.

I suppose also that I can't really talk about it in RL as so many friends are from the same group.

Was there a big troll invasion last night then? I just thought the site was being slow.

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runningvixen · 10/06/2015 11:17

I'd just ignore it. They can talk their issues out between themselves; I'm sure they know how to communicate. Of course it is possible that one or other of them is interested in the other or you, OP. But that's for them to mention really. So I wouldn't bother worrying. Life is too short to fill it with other people's drama.

For what it's worth I am a tactile person myself and enjoy hugging and curling up next to people - it doesn't mean I'm interested in the person sexually. In fact it's usually because I'm leeching body heat - the same as cats do Blush

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Roomba · 10/06/2015 11:11

I think you should check his emails. You may find he's been indulging in a sordid pornographic affair with 'henryslittleslut' and that's why he spilt with his DP....

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something2say · 10/06/2015 10:59

Hey there.

The whole being trolled thing is makin everyone reticent to believe.

But I will give it a shot.

I think the issue is the cuddle. I don't think that was. Good thing to have one because it's weird. Would you lie there with your head on. Woman's chest? No. It was a romantic thing to have done.

Maybe your friend likes him?
Maybe he likes you and took the opportunity to show her to make her back off?

The question is, do you like him? Are you interested in him? If so, press on but if not, don't cuddle up to him anymore.

X

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Cancookdontcook · 10/06/2015 10:58

Your title is misleading! Sounds juicy but really you just put your head on a man's chest.

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Twinklestein · 10/06/2015 10:52

It's more Jilly Cooper than Mills and Boon.

Taking it at face value, Henry and Victoria majorly fancy each other, he cuddled up to you to make her jealous.

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Hoppinggreen · 10/06/2015 09:43

And you thought a parenting forum might help you how exactly?

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molyholy · 10/06/2015 09:22

I thought this was going to be a "thrilling" depiction of a messy bisexual love triangle/quadrilateral

^this

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AlternativeTentacles · 10/06/2015 08:20

Perhaps they do like each other

No shit, Sherlock.

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LooksAreDeuceiving · 10/06/2015 08:09

No, I don't fancy him. Massive cliché, but it is very much brother/sister. I was very homesick in first year and he was always so nice to me, he's a few years older than me too.

He's had a girlfriend for most if the time I knew him too (from about a year after I met him until a couple of months ago).

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LooksAreDeuceiving · 10/06/2015 07:37

Him hugging me didn't bother - it's my flatmate being unhappy that did. And yes it does, enough for me to be awake at 1 thinking about it.

Perhaps they do like each other (or she likes him). I suppose they're seeing a lot more of each other now, so will know each other better than they used to. I might try to casually mention the just friends thing at some point then, just so she knows.

Tennis/figure skating/badminton/competitive salsa dancing - basically just something where you have mixed sex couples! And I didn't put this at first (so you didn't judge) but it's a university club, so we're all pretty young (although masters/PhD/works around here, hence the over three years timeline).

And I will try to work on my posts not sounding like some sort of pink-covered novel! Good job my degree isn't in English, obviously!

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EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 10/06/2015 07:36

Victoria fancies Henry.

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PamDooveOrangeJoof · 10/06/2015 07:32

I think you both protest too much and that you both have your eye on Henry...

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