What is the matter with me???

[ChatanougatChewChew22]

Maybe I'm not marriage material. Maybe I don't have the long haul in me. But good grief I get so burnt out on my marriage. All I do is wash, cook, clean, take up cups of tea to man at desk, take down dishes from man desk to sink, hoover under feet whilst man watches telly, deal with kids entirely. I think we speak for about 5 minutes a day, DH and I. Please don't judge. My next comment will be scoffed at, but I get palpitations the pressure of being a wife feels that huge at times. I don't drive. So the school run is 45 minute walk each way, up stairs and over bridges with a buggy. It's exhausting. Then of course home is filled to the brim with just managing life stuff. I just never stop. And all this is normal and everyone does it. I'm not alone and I know I sound pathetic and precious. But I get pissed off, packing up our suitcases for holiday while my husband just surfs the net and does nothing... ever. He goes from the computer to bed to the couch to the bed and we hardly speak. We get along well enough but to be honest, I find myself avoiding him because I feel so stressed around him. When he does speak he's always demanding something, or nagging me or our teenage son. He starts off every morning shouting at our eldest while he's getting ready for school and our eldest is a really nice kid. He really doesn't cause much grief at all. He's DH's step son so there's lots of resentment on DH's part. We don't talk about it and DS has learned to deal with it as best he can. DH works hard and earns well. So there's this silent agreement that because I depend on him financially and thanks to him we all have a roof over our heads, I do all the housework/physical/personal management stuff. For the most part it's ok... on the surface. But I build up this resentment and wonder really, does motherhood/marriage have to be so fecking old fashioned? I know, I know. I am a SAHM mother of 3 (2 in school). And actually I love my motherhood role.I just hate the regime aspect of everything. We can't play boardgames at night because it's ALL about getting the kids in bed, keeping them out of my husband's way. He's nice to them, not so nice to our teen, but he's ok. He blows hot and cold my DH. He works hard and I appreciate this. But I feel so under the gun all the time. The idea of him going off on a holiday alone sounds like bliss. In two weeks, he is spending a day and a half up North for a conference and I CAN'T WAIT? What's wrong with me??? I just want to feel glad to be here but often I feel a little low and sluggish, not overtly down but kind of... lonely.

[ChatanougatChewChew22]

I really appreciate your incredibly kind and considered replies. Some of them way more helpful than the more critical, judgy pants ones. There have been so many encouraging comments... some funky ones too. Troll? Really? I'm not a troll. Promise. But thanks so much for all comments. I really do appreciate your words! I chose to marry someone out of what had been a great love. And the relationship I have now with DH is not the relationship we used to have, for sure. It's miles apart from what it once was. And I never envisioned we would end up where we are now. The past 18 months have been hardest and I've waited for things to improve. And of course I am HERE because I can't stand what I am witnessing with regards to DS. If it had always been this way, I wouldn't have married DH. But he came into our lives with so many promises and words of love and kindness. And initially he really loved DS. And in many ways, he delivered. We both did. He doesn't now. But it's taken me a while to a) realise he's a long-term grump and b) understand that this isn't just some passing phase on account of 'work related stress'- the male excuse for just about everything. Sorry to be overtly sexist. Anyway, it's not going to change. I know this. It's all about planning a new life. But this will take courage, a courage I need to find. Thanks so much, again.

[Vivacia]

It's reassuring to hear that you're going to take these (huge) steps to protect your son.

[Drivingnovice]

Chata, could you put yourself in your DSs place for a moment, try and see life through his eyes....? How do you think he feels? Do you see the hurt in his eyes, do his shoulders slump as he gets shouted at yet again...
And what do you think his opinion of you will be going forward, as you sit and watch it all happen and take no action.....

No one would speak to my DC like that. One tried it once, he's now my exDH.

Start formulating your exit plan and make sure you show that boy how much you love him and how special he is.

In the evening, could you play games at the kitchen table, or even in their rooms. I would. Leave him on the sofa!

[AyeAmarok]

Do you think your DS's weight and confidence problems are caused by your husband? Because I do.