I’m not crazy to still be bothered by this am I?

[whateverate]

I've named changed for this as will out me with dps sis.

try to keep it short last year I found a receipt for a sex toy and asked DP about it (assumed it was a present for me!) after first saying that he’d bought it for a male friend for a joke he eventually admitted he’s bought it for a female friend of his sisters who he’s known for years, he said at a party his sister had it came up that this woman had never had one and he bought her one because he thought it would be funny. I was annoyed that he’d buy something so intimate for another woman but he convinced me that it was just a joke and that there was nothing to worry about.

This weekend his sister was over and I mentioned it assuming she was in on the ‘joke’ and she didn’t know what I was talking about, said she didn’t remember the conversation and told DP it was weird

now I feel like a fool for being convinced this is ok. I have no other reason to be suspicious and am sure nothing is going on between them but I can’t get how he thought it was ok or her actually as she accepted it and knows its from him

[merricat]

Oops, sorry, I was scrolling back and hadn't noticed how old the thread was

[shirleybasseyslovechild]

oldish thread

[merricat]

Like everyone else says, I would be suspicious and I would be digging. If you can't get anything more out of him, but the sister denies all knowledge of the conversation, you obviously have to ask this woman about it - the recipient of his bizarre 'gift'.

On the subject of sex toys as inappropriate gifts though, my teenage cousins got one for their mother, my aunt, one Christmas. I sort of drifted apart from them after that, ew.

[InfinitySeven]

Wow. I don't know if I'm more gobsmacked that he came out with that bollocks, or that you accepted it.

You have to know that there is no way it could be true?

It would be wayyy beyond creepy to be bought a sex toy by a random friend. He'd have done it openly, too - because secrecy makes everything seem dodgier.

Tell him that he has one chance to tell you the truth, or he can leave. If he chooses the easy option and bails, you'll know he was only biding his time anyway. If he lies, you'll know he thinks you're an idiot, and doesn't respect you at all. If he tells you the truth, you can deal with whatever he says (but be prepared for it to be bad.)

[MildDrPepperAddiction]

Seriously? It's for him, err, no it's for her, just a joke everyone!!!!

Crock of crap.

[lunalelle]

Transplant - let's hope if this is the case then he has the sense to wash it, eh?

More seriously, you would be surprised. If you visit Lovehoney.com and take a look at the reviews, a large proportion are from men - bi, gay and heterosexual alike.

[Fairenuff]

Why don't you tell him that you've thought about it and you're not buying the story. Tell him to come clean or you are going to ask the woman concerned.

[ineedabodytransplant]

Sorry, using it on himself? Ouch!

Check it for shit, then you'll know

[ineedabodytransplant]

Jeez Op, you're pretty gullible.

Sorry, that sounds nasty, but come on.

Your OH buys another woman a sex toy as a joke? Is he made of money, even though it's out of the family income? Apart from the cost (never bought one so don't know, but even £30+) I would never, ever have bought a friend a sex toy. I can't even think of a female friend who would think of somnething like that as a joke. Too bloody personal. A friend of mine was given a red thong as a secret santa present at Christmas. She was mortified. Not that she wouldn't wear a thong, but that a colleague would think of buying her one. Christ, I never bought my ex-wife a sex toy....hmmm perhaps that's where I went wrong

Nah, she wouldn't have used it anyway

[lunalelle]

I agree it sounds very suspicious, but the idea that he is using it for himself is not as far fetched as it might seem.

What exactly was the toy, OP?

[GoatsDoRoam]

If your husband won't give you any more info, then you need to move to another source of info: ask the friend.

Or, just swallow your misgivings, brush it all under the carpet, carry on in a relationship that makes you uncomfortable, and wait for the next instance of bizarre and trust-breaking behaviour.

I'm not actually advocating that path, btw. But that's the way you're headed atm.

[Millie3030]

Ha kisses that is brilliant! And true.

[CitySnicker]

Simple way to find out....ask the friend.

[ashtrayheart]

Tell him you are going to ask the friend directly and see if he looks panicked!

[KissesBreakingWave]

About the only way that's acceptable behaviour is if she'd pissed him off so badly he sent her the thing - with batteries, there are standards, damn it - gift wrapped with a little note saying 'Go fuck yourself'.

[Fontella]

I'm just gobsmacked that you fell for such a pathetic, feeble, far-fetched excuse and obvious lie in the first place.

What married man buys a sex toy for a friend of his sister's as a 'joke' because it just happened to come up in conversation at a party.

There's only one reason a bloke goes to the time, trouble and cost of buying a sex toy for a woman and it's got fuck all to do with trying to be 'funny'.

He's been lying through his teeth from the moment you found out and he'll keep on lying because you, it seems (and no disrepect intended OP) seem a tad on the gullible side where your H's lies are concerned.

[AnyFucker]

then I can imagine it would be impossible to "move on"

stalemate

[whateverate]

I'm still the same but have been thinking about it a lot again. I don't know how to move on from it as I know deep down there is more to it but I don't know what and I know he's not going to tell me anymore he's sticking to his story

[AnyFucker]

what are your thoughts today, op ?

[whateverate]

I haven't posted about this before

[BolshierAyraStark]

Seriously, how many men out there are buying 'joke' sex toys for 'friends'? I ask as there was definitely a thread about this a while back...

You didn't believe him then & you don't believe him now-unless you're as stupid as he hopes you are.

[Shitmyhairdressersays]

I'm sure you posted about this last year OP. You know he isn't telling the truth, it doesn't feel right does it?

[iwashappy]

There are a few men around who might get away with buying another woman a "joke" along these lines, normally one of those annoying larger than life "characters." If your DP is not one of those then it is an extremely weird thing to do.

It's possible that this woman may have received this "gift" and been so mortified and embarrassed she accepted it because she didn't know what else to do without causing a scene.

But, in my opinion, the only reason you would be buying another woman such a gift would be because there is something going on with her. It really isn't the sort of thing you would buy someone as a joke.

The fact that he lied to you initially about it being for a male friend and then his sister didn't recall the conversation about it more than suggests he is covering up for something. I think his sister would have recalled a conversation like that if it had happened.

I think what Fairenuff suggests is good advice.

Sorry, but it is very suspicious.

[PannaDoll]

Yes sorry, if it really was a joke, he'd have told everyone - including you - how hilarious he was being. You wouldn't have had to find the receipt and ask him about it.