Was this a patronising comment by new boyfriend?

[greenleavesoutside]

Been seeing a guy for a few months. We went for a walk in the countryside which involved quite a steep hill (we had to climb up some steep rocks at some point and it there was an almost vertical drop to each side of us). I have quite a fear of heights as it is and got a bit shaky but managed to get up it. I have done a lot of hiking (climbed Ben nevis, snowdon amongst others). Anyway later on we were discussing how lovely the walk was, the views etc and my boyfriend starts gushing how "proud" he was of me to find my hiking feet and that I managed to overcome my fears etc. I didn't say anything, just smiled but inside i felt the pang of annoyance rising as i just felt this was quite patronising.

Do i just need to wind my neck in? Or is this patronising?

[bobbywash]

I seem to recall a "joke" somewhere of a man saying to a women, "if there are two ways to take this, I meant the nice one"

I think that's what you need to do in theis case, all this discussion of possession, property etc, he won't have thought of that he was happy that you overcame a fear and wanted to appear supportive nothing more.

Don't over analyse, I often open my mouth just to change feet.

[Egghead68]

Irritating.

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt this time (he perhaps didn't choose his words well) but any more patronising/chauvinistic comments and I wouldn't.

[lottiegarbanzo]

I'm a reasonably experienced hiker who is scared of heights and who has been lucky enough to be able to test and gradually extend my limits (a bit, fear still limits me in places where fitness and ability don't) by walking with experienced, supportive people.

I'd have said something like that - explained that vertical exposure does really bother me - how walking along a flat, wide ledge is harder for me than scrambling up an inward-facing, technically much more challenging incline - and told a few stories of times when I've been able to overcome that to do a really enjoyable route and probably mention some routes I know about but won't be doing any time soon.

By sharing stories I'd expect to set my fear in context, inform him a bit about the range of my experience, help him get to know me better and entertain!

The effect would also be to 'take ownership' of my experience. I think your frustration is that he is implying, perhaps unintentionally, that he is more experienced and 'the leader' in this activity when quite possibly you are more experienced but he just not scared of heights - which could make you a great walking team if you play to your strengths.

[lottiegarbanzo]

Proud is an odd word to use. Impressed would be better. He was almost certainly trying to be nice though!

(I might try using 'proud' back to him some time and see how he reacts. Then discuss).

[ProfYaffle]

I'd find the 'found my hiking feet' bit rather patronising, that definitely overlooks the hiking you've done previously.

[NotNewButNameChanged]

How sad that so many people can feel so affronted or patronised so easily or feel the need to analyse every single word of a phrase to try and decide whether there was some underlying subtext.

I have a best friend. She has recently taken up singing. She recently had a solo in a concert. She was great. I told her I was very proud of her. Because I was. She once told me she was very proud of me for something I had achieved (getting on a plane when I was shit scared of flying).

Some people just can't do anything right and are probably better never offering comment or passing a compliment for fear they will be dumped.

[KittiesInsane]

Aonach Eagach rang a bell, Boris, so I googled it.

Bloody hell. I trotted across that when I was an immortal-feeling 18-yr-old. Must have been bonkers.