Social services threatening child protection plan if husband doesn't move out

[BelleBoyd]

It's a long story-posted about this before.
But in summary we have a 4 year old DD and 3 month DS. My husband rang the HV when DS was 3 weeks old after an argument to tell them I wasn't coping ( untrue btw ), which then led to an emergency visit from HV to see me getting ready to go out shopping with DD and DS all peaceful and fine. I told the HV there had been arguing and that DD had probably been able to hear it on occasion. She then referred us to SS.
So anyway there is a lot of background-H has had mental health and addiction issues and has been verbally abusive to me-more so since getting pregnant. And has been calling family, friends of mine and GP etc to say I'm mentally ill..
So I've not been sure of of what's been going on with SS. They said they were doing a family assesment but that was 2 months ago. I did speak to them on the phone a few weeks ago and told them H had moved out for a while due to the arguing.
I had a missed call from them yesterday and then they came round a few hours later as I hadn't returned the call ( they didn't leave a message ).
The SW was surprised to see H here -he only moved out for a week , and told me the children were under a child in need plan and if H moved out they would drop the case otherwise they would put them under a child protection plan.
H after agreeing initially to seperation is now saying he won't be bullied by them to move out.
Should have I received any documentation from the SS? I feel confused by it all.

[Anniegetyourgun]

I can't believe they haven't put anything in writing up to this point - has H been hiding the letters perhaps?

[MrsPnut]

It sounds like you need an occupation order, your lawyer friend will be able to help you get one or your local domestic abuse service will have the number of a specialist solicitor that can assist.

If you are at all concerned for yours or your children's safety then please call the police and ask them to remove your husband. This shows that you are protecting your children which is what SS want to happen.

[PhoebeMcPeePee]

Op have you actually told oh to pack his bags & get out NOW? Are you scared of his reaction? Would it be worth getting a friend or family over before you take a firmer stance.

[whynowblowwind]

I agree he sounds like an arse but what has he actually done to make SS think he might harm the children ?

This must be really frightening and I can understand you not wanting to move. I would ask SS to send someone to support you in getting him out. Love it when you're given instructions you can't follow!

[whynowblowwind]

Can I just say, if I told my husband to get out/ leave, child protection plan or not, I would be told in no uncertain terms to fuck off myself, but he was going nowhere and neither were the children.

Most women would have no chance of getting a fully grown adult male to do something they didn't want to do. I don't have a single family member who could help. So all these "tell him to leave" - HOW?! I mean this genuinely.

[Lweji]

Right, I'd call SS first to ask them for help on how to remove him from the house. They should be able to direct you towards help or help you directly.
In any case, you can contact NCDV, who may get you a free injunction, so that he is kept out legally.

ATM, he has rights to live there as he's married to you and he is entitled to half the house in principle (subject to negotiation or court order).

Make sure you report any abusive behaviour to the police, as it will give support to a request for an injunction and will show SS that you are taking steps to protect your children.

A good port of call for advice is also Women's Aid. Make sure to call them.

[Nerf]

OP there must be more you aren't saying.
The chain so far reads:
Dh calls hv
Hv comes round, all is well but refers to ss because dd has heard arguments
Ss say they will do a family assessment
You tell ss dh has moved out
You miss a call
Ss turn up , dh is there
Ss tell you he has to leave.
What are the missing pieces? Because there doesn't seem to be much reason for ss to be stating he has to leave.

[Deverethemuzzler]

I don't understand how you could have got to this point with no documentation.

For you children to be on a plan you MUST have had meetings, quite a few of them.

SS can't put children on a plan just like that.

If a child is deemed to be at significant risk of harm they can move quite quickly but they still have to follow procedures and the parents HAVE to be included.

Have you never met with a social worker, HV and other professionals involved with your children (school etc)?

[Deverethemuzzler]

Annie it wouldn't just be in writing. They would have to meet with the parents.

If he had been hiding the letters they would have called and visited.

[FamiliesShareGerms]

Please get proper legal help - even if DH dies move out without a fuss, SS won't simply drop the case regarding your children and you need to have proper advice for you. Start with your friend, but don't rule out needing independent advice in due course.

[Fairylea]

Why are your children on the plan? As others have said there must be more to it than your initial post.

One of my family members is a social worker. They don't just put children on a protection plan for overhearing an argument.

You will need to completely remove your now ex from the house. Otherwise it is a very real possibility that they will take the children away.

If you have to you must go into a refuge, apply for housing (you can claim housing benefit to move into a property if you already own one if womens aid write you a reference saying you are a victim of domestic violence) and then you can use proceeds of sale to buy a new house if you are unable to return (an estate agent can sell the property for you without you having to be there. Then get a removal company to box up and move out for you. Ask solicitors not to disclose your address to ex partner).

You mustn't wait about to deal with this. It's very serious indeed.

[whynowblowwind]

does he have a criminal record?

I am sure I remember reading somewhere that in rare cases SS can act immediately if someone is living in the house who has past offences of a certain nature?

[BelleBoyd]

It really is how nerf put it. The SW says the children are at risk as they have or might hear arguments-that's it. No physical violence. I certainly have had enough of him and want him to leave.
The only other factors could be his mental health and addiction issues that are documented.
I find it odd that I've received no documentation at all. I'll ask the SW about that. He won't have hidden letters-doesn't even pick his own mail up off the floor.
And yes easy to say get him out now and I would and could throw him out and would have done weeks ago but I wanted to have a calm as I could separation to not traumatise my already anxious DD. H is unstable and very loud he wouldn't go quietly unless I get him to agree which I am very near to managing.

[BelleBoyd]

No criminal record. He had issues with depression/possible bipolar and alcohol/marijana/cocaine. Not doing drugs now as far as I know.

[aprilanne]

stressed if he has addiction problems then yes that could be the problem .my hubby has mental health issues .no addiction just purely ill .i feel for you but if he won,t go then you and children will have too .

[CaptainSinker]

OP please call the family lawyer you mentioned. You need advice on how to get your husband out.

[meditrina]

Nerf: I agree that there must be missing bits of the story, but it is up to OP to choose what is relevant to the questions she has.

OP: as he is your husband (as opposed to partner) then it doesn't matter what name the house is in - it is a marital asset. You need legal advice.

[Nerf]

Med - fair enough but any advice is going to be a bit pointless then isn't it.

[Butterflyspring]

so if you ask him to leave and he refuses to go you need to see a solicitor and get him out using the legal route.

And you need some support for yourself - will you please speak to Women's Aid?

[PancakesAndMapleSyrup]

I second NCDV you can ask them to contact you on their web page. They are a fantastic organisation and will put in place non mol, occupation orders etc for you. Even if you just speak to them to see what they can and cant do its a step in the right direction and you can show ss that your are trying to move forward with this.

[Llareggub]

There must be more to this.

For the person who asked how to get a man to leave, I did it by getting his parents involved and pointing out how our children were at risk if he continued to live with us. He is an alcoholic and whilst SS were not involved in our case, they should have been. I made school aware of his addiction to see if they could prevent him picking up the children. Then, the emergency Mental Health Team were involved after a sucide attempt. No one notified the Child Protection Team.

Anyway, I just put it to then that it was in the DCs best interests to get him out.

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

OP - have sent you a PM with some info. Hope it helps.

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

If social services believe the children to be at risk with him in the house then this is very compelling evidence to get an occupation order - getting him to leave.

Speak to the social worker. Tell her you want him to go but he won't. Tell her you want / need an occupation order. See if the local authority will help. Our LA has a department which provides free legal help to people who are the subject of domestic abuse.

If the LA can't help themselves with the occupation order then go to a legal aid solicitor and see if you can get legal aid.

If an occupation order application is made the court will make enquiries of the LA ( provided the application makes it clear they are involved) and if the social worker advises the father should move out the court is very likely to order that.

If the tenancy is in joint names then if the situation is permanent you will also need a transfer of tenancy. The court has power to deal with this too.

Get legal advice.

[weatherall]

It is a faulty system that puts the responsibility for removing the man from the family on the mum instead if the courts/police.

OP jump through the hoops. You basically don't have a choice. Do not defend him, minimise his actions etc in front of sw.

[FuckTheMagicDragon]

OP I know you want the minimum of fuss, to reduce the impact on you and your DC. But please, step up and take action, or the impact could be far more traumatic.

Your children could be taken into care.