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not sure what to do

33 replies

bdbfan · 30/04/2014 19:44

Found out today that dh has spent a huge amount of money (we're talking 4 figures, possibly 5) without discussing it with me. think he's taken out a loan/finance agreement.

am torn between being furious with him and being so upset that he thought it was ok to spend so much money without my input. I mean, he can't think much of me if my opinion matters so little.

so not to drip feed, I knew he wanted to buy this item, but I was against it, too many expenses at the moment to afford it) but he's just gone out and done it.

Don't know what to do.

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oldgrandmama · 03/05/2014 19:58

Not quite the same situation as yours, OP, but might give you a wry laugh ... I found out my (now LONG ex) 'D'H had spent an almost six figure sum on a little lovenest in which to meet his latest OW. What's more, he'd forged my name on the mortgage documents

So I was liable for the debt too ... yes, that was one of the final straws, divorced the horrible shit, after twenty ghastly years. And never looked back.

But back to your four wheeled problem - he is WAY out of order, spending so much on a boy's toy without discussing it with you. Read him the riot act - could he take it back, without losing too much ?

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MarmiteMania · 03/05/2014 20:28

Oldgrandmama I really thought I'd heard it all till your story!!

Op it's almost as if your dh was weighing the lure of the car with your wrath.. A little like an affair. I know exactly how you feel, my dh often makes huge expenditures including 'lending' extended family members vast sums. It makes me feel as if my opinion is worthless. I think your dh needs to start working on his respect for you and your relationship.

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Itsfab · 03/05/2014 20:34

"He sent a pic and said he'd be home when I've calmed down."

Patronising twat. That would piss me off as much as the spending the money.

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oldgrandmama · 04/05/2014 13:30

Must add postscript to my post above ^
I accidentally found out about the little love nest and there was a bit of a scene in a local restaurant, involving a full glass of wine, followed by a carafe of water, then the contents of a sugar bowl, thrown with some vehemence (oldgrandmama was the thrower, the recipient was her 'D'H). The waiters and other diners were well impressed. Oldgrandmam then stormed out, leaving wet and well-sugared 'D'H sitting at the table. Alas , in oldgrandmama's handbag were 'D'H's wallet and car keys, as he didn't like spoiling the line of his beautiful suits with unsightly bulges ... so, bit of awkwardness over paying the bill, and getting home ...

Oldgrandmama insisted he sell the love nest, having first making him take her to visit it - where she found LOADS of her own stuff that the git had taken to make the place 'homely' - CDs, VHS tapes, books, bed linen, even antiques that oldgrandmama inherited from her family.

Most ironic thing of all - the OW for whom he bought the place for their trysts dumped him as soon as she learned of his purchase, since she reckoned he was getting 'too serious' and anyway, her own DH was far richer than mine so best not rock the boat! And best of all, my 'D'H actually had TWO OW on the go - the other one being my ex best friend. He's been married to her (ex best friend) miserably for twenty years now but to this day, she doesn't know that he was 'double shagging' with the other woman.

In my wilder moments, I consider detonating the bombshell and telling the nasty bitch, but hell, I'm a nice person, I've never looked back since divorcing the faithless shit and was married (briefly, he died three years into our marriage) to the most loving, caring man in the world, but thanks to him, was able to have a wonderfully happy life afterwards, though not a day goes by that I don't think of him and wish we were still together.

God, I've really gone to town here ... sorry, OP.

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tipsytrifle · 04/05/2014 15:21

oldgrandmama - oh goddess, i'm awed and stunned by your story!

If you had plenty of money, bdbfan, i'd suggest you bought yourself somewhere else to live as and when you felt like it ... but i suppose that's not a viable option *sigh

I think you need to shock him somehow but I don't know how that might be done, I dunno, like hiring something bigger and better for a day or two? Sorry ... maybe that's immature and too costly in any case.

He's been an infuriating idiot ... I think any agreement has a month to be rejected?

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bdbfan · 04/05/2014 23:27

Thanks for all your comments.

He bought it from a private seller so no chance of returning it.

am really hurt and upset that he thought it was ok to do this. and with the pathetic attempt at making it up to me by bringing me lunch at work and a box of chocs.

I think he's shocked by how pissed off I actually am. We're kind of speaking, but I just can't quite bring myself to 'get over it' and move on.

Have been out with friends tonight so was nice to get away from the awful atmosphere in our house for a few hours. ..

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bdbfan · 04/05/2014 23:30

and oldgrandmama. ..wow. that sinks to a new low. so sorry you had to go through that

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tipsytrifle · 05/05/2014 14:03

*doh .. hadn't thought of it being a private purchase. So ideally it should be put up for sale asap ... it's hardly like you're ever going to be happy to get in the darn thing. But then, the car itself is the visual product of an issue that really is deeply serious.