Back story: I became pregnant in a fairly casual relationship, both of us had recently become single after long relationships. I said there was no option for me except having the baby, and he could choose not to be involved. He was horrified.
In short, we both acted very badly. There was a lot of arguing and fighting. But a few months down the line he changed his mind and said we should move in together and be a couple.
Looking back I can now see quite how much I was still mentally tied up with my ex. Because of this, and because I could not forgive him for saying he did not want the baby, I said no. I had some idea in my head that things would change and ve different once the baby came, but wanted things to be stable at first, so be on my own.
We got on better towards the end of my pregnancy, and he came to the birth and was really helpful and supportive in the early weeks, less so recently. He said he would be around a lot.
The baby is now nearly 3 months old and we both love him.
In the last couple of weeks I have finally felt I am over my ex (not the father). I think I had been clinging onto that security to counteract the stress during pregnancy.
Baby's dad is now in a new relationship, which he says he hopes will be serious.
I am trying not to be angry with him. I know I treated him really badly, and fundamentally he is a good guy. I felt that we owe it to our baby to at least give being together a go. Until now I was not in a place to try with any integrity.
I am disappointed that he chooses to spend time with this woman over time with his child. I am scared that they will get married really fast and she will try and be my baby's mum. I am disappointed in myself that I did not feel brave enough to give things a try when it was not too late. And it scares me that I cannot help loving the dad, which surprised me, and I look at the baby and see him. Maybe it would never have worked anyway and it is not enough. I do not know how I will ever be able to explain why dad is not around much to our baby.
He sees the baby about twice a week at the moment.
Not sure what I am asking really. I judt want everything to turn out ok.
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Relationships
Reality bites with new baby. What now?
Morningwobbles · 02/03/2014 09:46
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