A female perspective required.....

[Contrarian78]

I'm hoping someone here can help. I've posted before an experience I won't soon forget and I'm really at a loss.

To cut a long story short, my wife is 5 months pregnant. It has not been an easy pregnancy (possibly age related) and her hormones are all over the place.

Needless to say, I can't do right for doing wrong. I'm not perfect, but I feel she's over-reacting (this is where I need the helpful people here to take a view).

She has taken the children to a friends (after calling me every name under the Sun) becasue she found out that I've lent a friend of mine some money. I have my own money (and pay the bills) and she has hers. I think that she's upset because she doesn't patricularly like the friend I've lent it to, as he's separating from his wife (which is why he needed the money). She likes my friend's STBXW even less.

I don't want to make anything worse, particularly as she's so fragile, but I don't really think I'm doing anything wrong.

[Contrarian78]

I know how they work.


Newt It's not that interesting at all when you think about it. I know that my own views differ quite alot from many that are given here - though there is a broader spectrum than first appears. I don't always get everything right; however, if you're going to seek advice (or a perspective in this instance) you're be better off doing it somewhere that your own views are likely to be challenged.

In a way, it's part of the reason I contribute to other threads. Not because I think I'm right, but becasue it's sensible (desirable even) to challenge the prevailing view.

Hog What a very strange thig to say.

Mistress You're right, I'm on to a hiding. The matter is broadly resolved now (we're still working through a few other bits a pieces) My wife was very very angry, she's calmed down now though.

[Fairenuff]

I don't think he gets how they work Newt, I've been sniggering laughing at them all through this thread.

[NewtRipley]

and you do know that we can read the strike-throughs, so you might as well not bother with them, Eh?

,ironic passive aggression >

[NewtRipley]

It's really interesting that you chose to post here again after your former experience.

[MistressDeeCee]

WWOOWW I agree. Ive also lent a friend large amounts of money in the past; she's been a friend since I was a teen I knew Id get the money back. It didnt come from household money - it came from my own savings Id had before I was in a LTR.

Similarly if my OH wanted to lend money to a friend then Id trust that he was sure he would get it back - I wouldnt treat him like a baby, as if he needs me to monitor whether he's sensible enough with money..if he wasn't, it wouldnt take him lending money to a friend for me to know that. & no way would I want him monitoring my money judgment in that way either - Id feel affronted to say the least.

Some people act as if it took them coming along in life for their (adult) DPs to gain sense. Its overbearing.

Parts of this thread are out of hand, OP you're getting a harder time than you would from your wife, I think. You're onto a loser here, hope you've sorted things out now. Actually I thought for a minute your DW was on thread

[WWOOWW]

I lent my friend 10k to pay off her credit card bills - I hated seeing her pay so much interest a month. I didn't discuss it with my DH (of 12 years), I wanted to help a friend, so i did. I knew I would get the money back and it wasn't needed at the time. I would go as far in saying that it had nothing to do with my DH.

[Cigarettesandsmirnoff]

My dp did this when I was pregnant. It wasn't as much as what you have borrowed but I was furious.

I don't like his mate either.

You should have discussed it with her first.

[Offred]

honest and genuine attempts to rectify them

Yes, that's really reflected by your posts on here(!) more like passive aggressive, controlling and entitled

[Contrarian78]

Blimey.

Do you know what, she probably does deserve better, but equally I recognise my faults and make honest and genuine attempts to rectify them. I don't always behave impeccably, but then neither does she. We each accept that the other is not perfect and we muddle on. You see, that's what happens in real life.

I find these boards useful for getting a sense of perspective though I do control/account for the number of absolute nutjobs you get on here.

[Offred]

Well that's alright. You continue in your tit for tat adding up lists of things that piss you off relationship where you treat your wife like a child and disrespect her. The possibility that she may not mind this ATM does not mean what you are doing is fine and given you've already had a problem with sex in the relationship I'm not sure you can say with confidence that she'll never wake up to the fact that she deserves better tbh.

[Contrarian78]

Two things:

I hadn't "given away" 5k it's not chicken feed, but equally not our entire life savings

Those 30 purchases add up. She also has a handbag collection that would embarrass the wife of an African Dictator. I don't moan (much) about that. I'd never even heard of Anya Hindmarch until her stuff started turning up at the house!

Anyway, all sorted now until the next time. We've had a couple of decent chats and cleared up a few other things too.

[Offred]

Yeah... Backpedal backpedal backpedal and giving £5k away is exactly the same as spending £30 on some chintz for your home...

[Contrarian78]

Actrually, it probably wasn't that she'd say "no" (though she would have initially) but rather that she wouldn't have approved. In much the same way that I don't especially approve of some of her spending.

Leading You're right, the sh!t just turns up in the house.

[LeadingToGadeBank]

Stop giving him hard time. I bet his wife doesn't tell him every time she spends £29.99 on one of those silly bits if painted shabby shite plywood plaques with YOLO on them.

[Fairenuff]

You didn't ask her because you knew she would say no.

Did you honestly not see what's wrong with that?

[sykadelic15]

While I agree she had right to be annoyed, she DID overreact and should have instead had it out with you about it and explained why she was upset. The reason she didn't was probably crazy pregnant hormones.

Now she's back and calmed down you found out what the real issue was and it's all sorted.

But as a general rule - if you think she'll be annoyed or say no and you go ahead and do it anyway, try not to be surprised she's upset!

[Contrarian78]

I think I've posted here twice.

My wife is usually utterly agreeable. I'm a lucky boy most of the time

I might change my username to Consistent78

[Bitofkipper]

I think it's a combination of your threads that have made me a meanie, to be fair though you are consistent. You are always irritating, a bit like a mozzie. I like the sound of your wife though.

[Contrarian78]

Struggling I suggested that. She wasn't keen. I'm satisfied with there we've ended up. It's not perfect, but it'll work.

kipper You're just a meanie.

[Bitofkipper]

You may not be a villain OP but you are bloody irritating.

[struggling100]

This may be a ridiculously simple suggestion, but why not have three accounts? One joint account where you both deposit a set amount each month from which ALL the necessary expenses (food, clothing etc) are paid - one each for the rest of your money. That way it's crystal clear what's 'personal money' and what's 'family money'... and you will not get into a situation again where you're arguing over the pots that belong to each of you individually.

[Contrarian78]

My wife is not expected to pay for Children and Food - far from it in fact. I tend to pay for the majority of the food (the "main" shops as we call them) and she pays for incidentals - the bread and milk, etc. I also pay for school uniforms, shoes and other bits and pieces, but it would be unfair of me to say that she doesn't buy the kids ceretain other clothes.


You seem to be keen to paint me as some sort of super villain. I'm not, honest Guv'

When she was in her early twenties, she ran up a credit card debt. I paid it off. She's not horrendous with money, she's just less likely to save than I am, that's all.

[caramelwaffle]

Yes Callini

Indeed.