Relationships with ex husbands.

[KurriKurri]

Does what you can salvage in terms of a friendship depend on how you broke up? - or is it a question of letting time heal?

briefly - my H (we were married for 31 years) ran off with a much younger woman he met on the internet, I had no clue, he left me a letter on the doormat saying he;d gone abroad witht his woman and disappeared, I didn't even know where he had gone.

So - fast forward - he returned and continues to live in the house, he talks to his GF continuously on skype (so that I can hear him), visits her at least once a month or she visits him and they stay in a hotel. This is obviously very hard for me, but financially it is sensible, although I am thinking I may have to move out soon as I feel he is making me distressed and ill.

Now he is claiming he wants to be friends with me, he quotes examples of other couples who have split and continued to be friendly. he said he envisioned a future where he and I met up regularly, and he came round to my house and did stuff like 'mend the washing machine' or took me to hospital appointments etc.

I'm currently at the other end of the spectrum - I see a future where we basically have no contact at all, I simply don't think I can do it after the way he has treated me, and the fact that he will be involved with another woman who I have a very low opinion of. I thin it is edluded to assume we can rebuild any kind of relationship (and apart from the fact thatI think his GF is a complete tart, I'm sure she would not be very happy about him coming round to see me)

I think he simply wants everything to go as easily as possible for him, and although I have no desire to hurt him, I cannot ever see myself getting past the fact that heis a person who treated me like shit. My friends would never treat me that way, so how is friendship possible?

I feel desperately sad at the idea of never seeing him again, but I think contact would only ever lead to more hurt and sadness for me.

Am I crazy and unreasonable for thinking this way? (as he suggests) will I feel better in time? We have two adult children who obviously love both of us and would prefer it if we got on I am sure, but I don't think I can do it.

I feel as if certain family members think I should move on and get on with my life, which I am trying to do (hard with him in the house) and I tell myself that the grown up thing to do would be to retain amicable contact with him, but my heart and my feelings are telling me that if I do this he will inevitably hurt me again.

(He ran off in Oct last year to give some idea of time frame for my feelings)

[GirlsonFilm]

Hello Kurri I remember reading the original posts back in October and thinking perhaps he'd come home with his tail between his legs...evidently not...

I hope you manage to get to stay at your sister's and get out of this toxic atmosphere. It will get better and hopefully the divorce will be sorted quickly.

Sending you much love and strong thoughts.

[gertiegusset]

My Dad left us when I was 17 and my Brother was 20, we never saw him again.
He was so hurtful to my Mum, I have seen the letters that he wrote to her.
I would never have forgiven him even if he had ever got back in touch.
When we heard that he had died back in 2010 I was only glad that my Mum had outlived him and that it would have driven him mad every month seeing his court ordered payment to her going out every month until he died.
When you wrote your thread back in October it rang so many bells but this is all different.
You have to protect yourself, why can't he move out?
Does she know what he's doing?
He sounds so awful.

[gertiegusset]

Why is amicable contact so important, surely no contact would be better, contact only through a solicitor.
You have done nothing wrong, why do you have to move.
You don't have to be nasty but you do have to look after yourself and your future.