The Fascinating Girl by Helen Andelin

[muchtooshy]

One of my friends who knows that I am single and pretty bad with men said she would bring me the book she read before she met her husband.

It is The Fascinating Girl and she said it was wonderful and life changing and that she now has the married version.

I have flicked through it and some of it does appeal to me as it is quite old fashioned but I don't know if men are looking for the same things nowadays. Lots of stuff on femininity and a worthy character and radiant happiness. The first part is mostly about understanding men, the second is about qualities that men like in women, and the third part is about meeting and dating men.

Lots of references to book characters and I don't really know what to make of some of it.

I don't know - are men really interested in a domestic goddess who has gingham curtains and cheerful tablecloths?

[KeatsiePie]

Ohhhh just read that this is the author of Fascinating Womanhood.

OP there's nothing wrong with enjoying domestic hobbies. But you're right to catch on that the "strategies" seem manipulative. The author believed in the kind of marriage in which the husband is the head of the wife. A lot of people who wrote/write about this kind of marriage think that the wife's role in it is to manipulate her husband around to seeing her point of view, b/c she's not allowed to contradict him outright or to question his decisions. She has to lead him around gradually and not be pushy and instead be appealingly guileless, and guilelessness is often associated with childlike demeanor.

Similarly, the reasons the gingham curtains are supposed to be appealing are 1) you should be looking for a man who is not only Christian but very old-fashioned about women, and therefore is thinking ahead to when you will be cooking breakfast for him and your children every morning before handing him his briefcase to that kind of man, the gingham will say that you are domestic and don't want a career or the last word on household decisions. 2) the book assumes that as a woman, you want and need to be a SAHM in a headship marriage, even if you don't know it yet therefore you will like the gingham, and the rest of it, once you try it.

[TapirsCaperWithReindeers]

If I remember correctly, Utah is in the top 5 states in terms of anti depressant use.

[LittleBabyPigsus]

It's also no secret that Mormon women are some of the biggest users of antidepressants in the US. Think on that.

[thisismyYuleTimenickname]

It's no secret that many 1950's housewives had to take drugs.

[hiddenhome]

Don't you need industrial strength antidepressants to help you go around with a permanent smile on your face, perfect makeup and gingham curtains?

[muchtooshy]

I quite like the domestic goddess stuff as it is quaint and old fashioned and those are things that I like to do anyway so that wouldn't be a change. Although those hobbies have never attracted men to me!

My friend swears by this book but some of it seems a little off to me. I am not sure about the "strategy" bits as they seem kind of manipulative. And the childlike thing is weird although I haven't read that chapter.

[redundantandbitter]

Folkgirl - Ooh i don't know ...

[FolkGirl]

redundant he does! We've not met but from what I understand he's a bit of a grump...

So you perhaps wouldn't want him anyway

[FloWhite]

Gingham curtains and a cheerful tablecloth .

I've got oilskin on the table and sacks at the windows.

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

Read this OP it'll make you laugh.

[redundantandbitter]

folkgirl has he got a brother?

[FolkGirl]

I noticed that men started noticing me more when I started being myself rather than trying to be what I thought I was supposed to be.

It also meant I attracted the sort of men I was interested in.

I have actually met a man who thinks I'm pretty cool.

And I don't have a gingham curtain or cheerful tablecloth in sight!

[thisismyYuleTimenickname]

She suggest you say this to DH: "Honey, I don't want to be responsible for the finances anymore, because it is a burden to me. I know it will be easier for you, because you are a man."
The book is like an opposite version of the advice generally given on this board.

[Thetallesttower]

You are completely barking up the wrong tree if you start changing your personality to get dates. I am quite geeky and have no interest in any aspect of home-making, so why on earth would I want to find a dominant type who wants his dinner on the table at 5.30pm?

Be the best self you can be- this book is shite!

[thisismyYuleTimenickname]

I googled Fascinating Womanhood and it makes sense as a manual for people who are forced to live their whole life with someone who has power over them.
The disturbing advice: It's your fault if your husband stops loving you, you must have done something wrong. If he yells at you and call you names act like a child it will appease his anger. How to make him do thing for you, don't work outside the home etc.
Manipulative, because she assumes women have no other power, I guess.

[redundantandbitter]

I have a rather fetching padded gingham bra that gives me a unrealistic cracking cleavage . Does that count?

[maparole]

I'm finding it hard to believe this is a serious OP

The sort of man who would like the sort of woman who would go through this sort of charade in order to make herself worthy of his attention, would most likely be a nasty controlling bully.

[HOMEQCRICH]

I watched the link freakin!! Hilarious

[thisismyYuleTimenickname]

Do mormons put gingham curtains on their dating profiles? You learn something new everyday.

[Deathwatchbeetle]

Well I don't know much about gingham curtains but I do like fluffy kittens!

'tis a slippery slope and not too short a fall from the 'fascinating woman' to the 'surrendered woman' I feel, to totally walked over doormat!

[thecatfromjapan]

I like your "deserve" list, GarlicReturns.

[GarlicReturns]

Oh, no, is she the Fascinating Woman???!

Run away, OP!!!!

[TapirsCaperWithReindeers]

The author of this pile o'shite is a Mormon, and it is written entirely from her perspective as a Mormon girl, and what she assumes men want in a woman.

You only have to read her other book, Fascinating Womanhood, to see just how it advocates a dysfunctional relationship.

You deserve better than that.

[GarlicReturns]

"the gingham curtains of despair"

[GarlicReturns]

Radiant health? Well, I'm stuffed, then What does Ms Andelin say "men" (you know, those non-human creatures that all think alike) feel about a radiantly healthy woman who become tiresomely ill?

Since I violently loathe all books like this, muchtooshy, I'm only posting on your thread because I came to one of those startlingly obvious revelations, this very morning. I think you'll like it.

I deserve a man who loves me as well as I love;
Who is amused by the same kinds of things that amuse me;
With a brain as good as mine, and an enquiring mind like mine;
Who is as compassionate as I am;
With a similar moral compass to mine;
With whom the sexual chemistry is there for both of us;
And who likes sex the way I like sex.
:)

Why has this never been obvious to me? Because I've always taken for granted that I should be 'better' than my partners - rather like the old idea that women marry down, only without the socio-economic structure.

Why do I despise books like Andelin's? Because they make the same assumption.

Be your best! And look for men who are at least as good as you