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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DP bags are packed in car, he is asleep on sofa and going first thing in morning!!!

73 replies

Mumof3girlys · 01/12/2013 23:08

So been with my DP for 2 years, I have 3dc from previous relationship! Had few issus over our time namely being his drinking and his so called facebook banter with the 19 year old he left his wife and son for 10 years ago!!

Well after the facebook stuff in summer I just could get over it, and his drinking is becoming worst! We don't live together he is here usually 4 nights a week! Today he went out at 12 to watch footy and had 4 pints, came home and tucked stright into the best part of 3 bottles of wine! I on the other hand have cleaned house from top to bottom, cleared garden for winter and done a tip run!

Girls get home from dads and second they walk in at 6pm he starts bawling them out, take shoes off, why you getting that book out me and your mum have spent all day doing house and garden! Then proceeds to repeatly ask if it's there bed time then gets all shouty at me about my lake of disapline and how I we are not going to agree to change to kids going to dads every other weekend etc etc, tell him I'm quite happy with the every other weekend arrangement he is suggesting!!

Then I just snapped, told him to shut up and that all he ever does is drink and shout, so he says right well I will go in morning and not come back so I said FINE packed his stuff, gave him quilt for sofa a went to bed, he says he will be gone by 6am as soon as he can drive!

Not really sure why I'm posting just needed to write this down, feeling ok maybe just a little nurvous, I know deep down things are not right and he will never be what I want for me DNS my kids but still it was 2 years and in that time we had slot of fun! But think I will be fine

OP posts:

Report

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 01/12/2013 23:42

Does he think that a nights kip sobers you up?

You've done a good thing OP, he sounds like a complete arsehole.

Mumof3girlys · 01/12/2013 23:58

Sadly I have found out recently that he drinks drives a lot!!!
Will think nothing of having 6 pints a few sambuccas and driving home from his local home (about a 3 min drive in main road)

Also found out that if he is driving on a hangover he usually has a can or bottle of " driving juice" ( he calls it) wine or beer to help with the pain!

Def had enough, he is welcome to stay a little longer tomorrow as king as he stays out my way when in getting myself and girls ready for school and work but will need to be gone by 6pm when I get home

OP posts:

RhondaJean · 02/12/2013 00:01

Please please report this nob to the police before he does kill someone.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 02/12/2013 00:06

Really ? How interesting. If you won't report him, please post his name and address so that one of us can.

You have been thinking this is a good role model for your daughters ? I really hope you have seen the light now.

sparklysilversequins · 02/12/2013 00:06

I would most certainly be contacting the police to tell them about his little forays to and from the pub, naming the pub and the time he might be found doing that journey. What a tool he sounds.

ChelseaBun · 02/12/2013 00:12

He sounds like a functioning alcoholic. Not a good role model for your kids and the drinking will get more and more boring if you stay with him.

Let him go and party with the 19 year olds - you need a real man.

Mumof3girlys · 02/12/2013 00:22

Thanks ladies you have certainly cheered me up and I know that I'm doing the right thing!

I was on my own for 3 years after I split with ex, had a few short term relationships and one that was very messy on and off for 2 years which I was hurt by!

When I met DP he seemed like a catch, very handsome, successful etc etc, back only in summer we started to talk about him moving in, then I found out about this facebbok banter and I know I should of left then but just wasn't string enough! But I have seen the light last 2-3 months and really began to dislike a lot about him, mainly his drinking habits, don't get me wrong nothing against drinking will be happy to have 2-3 glasses of vino but I can take it or leave it could happily go 6 months without a drink, only time I do drink is if I'm with friends or eve out!

His mum is a alcoholic and has been for the past 35 years, his brother is also drink depwndent though can hold down a family life dolt better! DP is just very selfish and just wants to party!

I know I will be fine, I intend to have a good time bag myself a few dates (nothing that a 3 course meal and compliments can't fix) and just enjoy my girls! (Already may have a date lined up soon if any of you saw my earlier post "so I met this man"

OP posts:

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 02/12/2013 00:36

Gosh. Fast mover, ain't ya

Don't you think it might be best to just slow down a bit and find out how to enjoy your own company for a while ? This is the second fucked up situation since your exP. How old are your girls ?

Mumof3girlys · 02/12/2013 00:45

Missallchuckingfrightly

Haha don't worry I don't intern to have another relationship or get girls involved with anyone just yet! Though certainly will take up the offers of dinner dates as and when they come (love a good feed)

I actually love my own company, got so independent after I left my EXH, sometimes I feel quite suffocated when DP was here 4 nights in row, loved it when he went back home on the Tuesday for the rest of week!

My relationship before DP (the messy on off one for 2 years) did not affect my girls in anyway, they never met him! My girls are 6,8 & 10

OP posts:

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 02/12/2013 00:46

Take it easy, love. x

Mumof3girlys · 02/12/2013 00:53

Lol you have made me laugh, I'm going to be just fine! Yeah I know I will get the odd sad moment but I will get over them just by rereading this thread and knowing I have made the best decision!

I going to have a look and see what going on in the area next weekend and treat the girls to a day out, just the 4 of us!

God I really need to get some sleep, alarm is set for 6.30am just not feeling the slightest bit tired

OP posts:

Xenadog · 02/12/2013 04:17

I actually think I would let him get in the car and as soon as he is out of the house report him to the police for drunk driving so they can pick him up down the road.

(I know that's irresponsible for other road users but you're not making him drive are you? He has the option of getting a cab/friend to give him a lift -so therefore he is responsible for himself.).

OP he sounds a mean, nasty individual and I think the sooner he is out of your life the better.

womma · 02/12/2013 04:24

Good for you OP! You sound strong and sensible, and you're setting your DDs a bloody good example doing this. Proud of you!

WTFlike · 02/12/2013 04:36

Strong and sensible?! A bloody good example? As opposed to what?

BlousyMumsyTwat · 02/12/2013 04:45

You'll be fine and find someone new. :)

3 bottles of wine a night is alcoholic territory - cross alcoholic from your list of desirable attributes!

womma · 02/12/2013 04:49

Erm.. By not tolerating a pissed abusive bastard possibly? Can you grasp that?

WTFlike · 02/12/2013 05:04

No, I can't grasp why he was there in the first place and why the OP seems to find it all so funny. And why she's about to do it all over again.

womma · 02/12/2013 05:09

You sound like a delight. Good night.

bubblebabeuk · 02/12/2013 05:37

Fingers crossed hes gone this morning

giraffesCantSledge · 02/12/2013 06:23

Thinking of you

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/12/2013 06:55

"His mum is a alcoholic and has been for the past 35 years, his brother is also drink depwndent though can hold down a family life dolt better! DP is just very selfish and just wants to party!"

He is also an alcoholic; with two family members already drink dependent it is not altogether surprising that your ex is infact the same as they are. His primary relationship was and remained with drink. Alcoholism can also be learnt.

I hope he is gone completely from your life from this morning and he should also leave by taxi which HE should pay for.

Time to retune your radar now and importantly work out exactly why you chose this man to embark on a relationship with in the first place. Two years of him was actually two years too long. You cannot afford to keep choosing poorly. You also need to properly validate your own self, you do not need a man to do that for you.

Love your own self for a change and also start work on rebuilding your own self worth and esteem. You may feel ok and you perhaps are but such men do give self worth a hard knock.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships?. That also needs your consideration here. After all, they are learning from you.

summermovedon · 02/12/2013 07:06

Somehow I think he will stay on in your lives after he makes lots of promises to you of 'changing'. He really does sounds like a waster, why on earth would you let someone who doesn't live with you come around after they have had a drinking session. He obviously thinks he is not only single but king of the world.

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summermovedon · 02/12/2013 07:07

That sounded a bit harsh - sorry, fwiw you are doing the right thing and I hope you stick to it. You obviously have lots of feelings for him, but he should have been kicked out in the cold to sober up last night!

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 02/12/2013 07:09

Has he gone?

Mumof3girlys · 02/12/2013 07:10

Update!!!!

Woke at 6.30am and he has gone! Not sure when he left! But he did take the last half a bottle of red wine with him that was in the kitchen!

Just to be clear, I don't intend to do anything again like this, I'm trying to make light of the situation and I'm trying to be strong...... Because it does hurt!! This was somebody I loved and had very good times with, he drink problem has only become apprant recently, in the past it was covered up more with the "it's a weekend" let's have a few drinks! This is just not someone I want in mine and the girls life, I especially don't want someone who is going to get lashed up at every chance then moan about my 6,8,10 year old being up still at 7pm, shouting at them for getting a toy out etc etc they are just children, and I'm very lucky in that they are actually good well behaved children! Yes the fight between themselves but there siblings!

Feeling strange this morning, ok but don't think it's hit me yet, it's like the adrenaline has taken over, but know it won't be long before the pain and hurt hit!

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support

OP posts:

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