Hello. I have name changed for this because if I was outed It would cause even more conflict.
I have three daughters aged 2, 4 and 7. Since the birth of my eldest, my pil have shown very little interest in the everyday 'bog standard' details, events of my family, choosing to spend all their time on my brother in laws sons instead. It is very hard for me to explain it all on here but their behaviour has been very hurtful and upsetting. We spent years trying to involve them in our children's lives and found it more and more hurtful as time went on. We tried to discuss this with them and they would become very defensive and say we were over reacting.
My middle daughter was very ill a few years ago. At one point she was so ill she was hospitalised and we thought she had a life threatening illness. Even then, our pil took over a day to enquire whether she was ok and since then have never asked how she is or shown any interest, despite me originally trying to keep them informed.
Anyway, a few years ago we had enough of thus treatment and told them exactly how we felt. This resulted in a tirade of abuse from them via text message, email and phone calls where we were called every name under then sun and told that they did not want to hear from us until we apologised for our behaviour (?!).
Since then, my husband has taken our daughters to see them on very rare occasions To avoid a possible threat of court action from them or further abuse (I am worried about them turning up on doorstep or even at our daughters school). Despite not really wanting anything to do with their grandchildren originally, as soon as we stopped making the effort, they have acted as though they are the worlds most devoted grandparents (still no interest in day to day life etc but spending large amounts at Christmas for example). We go months without hearing from them until a birthday approached and then they get in touch.
Anyway, to cut. Long story short, I no longer have anything to do with them (I have struggled for years with the upset of it all) but to keep the peace the rest of my family have met up a few times a year. I feel I need to explain to my mil how I feel and how their behaviour has affected my family to such a large extent over the years. I don't want a row, I don't want them to now have a sudden change of heart and start taking an interest, I just feel for me to be able to move on and not be so hurt by it all, I need to tell her how I feel. There is a reason it would be to her not to my fil but I am unable to write this down.
What would you do? Sorry for the long message, I am shaking writing this as it still upsets me so much. Other family members only know my pil side and have chosen to listen to them rather than even find out from us what happened. My husband is 100% on the same wave length as me but has managed to detach himself from the emotional side of it and just get the rare meetings with them over and done with and move on.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you
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Should I contact mil? Confused
Conduseddil · 01/12/2013 09:12
Don't write.
Do get some therapy.
That is not intended to be flippant. The emotions which are bubbling up for you are everything to do with what has happened in the past, but dealing with the people concerned is not likely to result in a change and is likely to just upset you more.
Decent therapy will help you to put those things into perspective in your own mind ....and most importantly, move on.
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