Please help! I'm admitting defeat now. It's won!

[BimboJimbo]

I've been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks for a year but now it's crippling me.
It's taken over. I can't fight it anymore.
Im sitting here dizzy and faint, don't feel like I'm in reality. I can't go out. I have no energy.
This has won.
I can't see a way of getting out of this.
I think I need help! Im going mad aren't I?
No one here to help!
I have two DC to look after!

[TheBakeryQueen]

You sound like you're doing really well in very difficult circumstances.

[Jux]

When you go to your mum's, would you tell your dad how your dp treats you? You don't need to have a sit down serious talk, but find out if he ever called your mum cunt? Just ask. And ask, if your mum had panic attacks driving would he insist she pick him up. And if your mum were exhausted with the kids, would he have done something to give her a break or sat there 'thinking' but coming up with "nothing, sorry".

[BimboJimbo]

Hello, Sorry havent been about.

Ive avoided this thread as thinking about that day when I first posted, makes my stomach flip. I dont want to go back there.
My sister has been a star! I stayed at her house from sunday and came back last night! Ive even been driving! Havent really seen DH so no stress coming from there.
DD starts pre school monday!! 4 afternoons a week.
DH has been working a lot and I Havent been home much so its nice to be me again for a few days.
Im slowly starting to enjoy my own company again in the evening when he isnt here.

So everything is going ok at the moment.
BUT....
Ive had highs before and I know it could come crashing back down as fast as it went up. Trying to stay hopeful. Cant wait for CBT starts too.

Thankyou for checking back in on me :)

[BigArea]

How are you Jimbo?

[BimboJimbo]

No that sounds like a great idea. Mum loves seeing the DC when she is poorly as she says it's make it better. When my nan died, my mum wanted DCs all the time, as they distracted her thoughts and cheered her up. I think I will go spend some time with DM and Df after the operation.
Have printed out the self help cbt, so thank you. Going to have a good read later. Need more printer ink now!

[Jux]

Could your dad come and get you and dcs when your mum has her op? Helping to look after her while being back there, may help you relax but also get you emotional support for your feelings about your mum as you won't be the only one feeling it. Furthermore, your dcs may bring her happiness and distraction when she's feeling anxious. I know some people would think that was a mad idea so feel free to completely ignore it.

[BimboJimbo]

Thank you for the links will have a read. DH has gone to work now, so just me and DC. We have been round to the shop and had a chat with the neighbour. Feeling ok at the minute. Just got to get through until bedtime. Dinner is prepared. Thank you for being here when I need to talk

[Hissy]

I agree, the one problem will help you resolve the other.

Your body's crying out for you to notice this.

Stick around kiddo, we're here!

[Lweji]

Exercise may also help with anxiety and panic attacks, particularly with the tiredness that may follow.
If you have a strong heart, the panic attacks won't seem so bad.

[Lweji]

That's good.

I don't know in your area, but my exH in London had to wait 3-4 months for CBT and he was entitled to 25 weekly sessions.

You can still try the breathing exercises. There are books and even CDs that you can listen to to practice.
You can try sites likethis for self help.
CBT is a lot about doing your homework and working on yourself to change your patterns of behaviour.

PS - I wonder if you shouldn't get rid of the other problem in your life to become stronger...

[BimboJimbo]

Just got back from doctors.
GP understood slightly. He's upped my dose of beta blockers from 2 to 5 tablets a day.
He's also referred me to CBT. Thank god! Something is going to happen! He didn't tell me how long I would have to wait though. Just told me to fill out a questionnaire and give it to the receptionist. I really hope it's not too long.
Feel like crap today! I haven't had a panic attack but anxiety is threw the roof and my breathing is crap! I can't wait to try and put this behind me! And hopefully when I'm stronger I'll get rid of the other problem in my life.
Thank you, will have a look at link

[Hissy]

Good for you for insisting! Fingers crossed the GP is less of an arse than the Receptionist!

Please tell them EVERYTHING you told us - relationship stuff too? It's relevant, and NOT your fault, ok?

[Blossomflowers]

Hi Bimbo it is very difficult for people to understand panic attacks if they have never suffered them. I talk from experience, It took over my life for several years, in the end I could not leave the house, I could not walk, breath, I thought I was going mad. in those day GP's were not that sympathetic. My leg went numb at some point and GP stuck lots of pins which made it bleed, I felt nothing, he then prescribed diamzipan (not sure how you spell it) which made me worse. I am telling you because, I know you can overcome this. It has been many many years since I suffered an attack, How? I went to see a hypnotherapist, it was an almost overnight cure. She taught me how to cope, I still use her coping technique to this day. I was a totally sceptical before but it worked, she saved my life, she really did. I urge you to give it a try. Please pm if you want to know more

[Lweji]

Rather:

Mind.

[Lweji]

Take any appointments. Even if in two weeks.

Meanwhile, try http://www.mind.org.uk/ Mind. They have a link for urgent help.

Also their page about panic attacks

[BimboJimbo]

Doctors tried to fob me off again saying there was absolutly no appointments today.
I said I would keep ringing unless somebody sees me today.
She gave me a sit and wait appointment for 11.10.
Going to force myself to tell them how I really feel.
Im having a crap morning with it all again.
DH is being a total lazy arse!

[BigArea]

Bimbo so sorry to hear about your mum.

Re the CBT, with my local service (Bristol) you could just self refer, no need for a GP to get involved at all. It was Right Steps which is part of Turning Point - you can put your postcode in here to find your local equivalent I think.

That aside I think it sounds like different meds might benefit you anyway (esp with this new bombshell to deal with) so go to the surgery, tell them it is an emergency you are having a breakdown or whatever word you feel is appropriate and you need to see someone urgently. I'd just turn up at the docs for 8am and sit it out if I were you.

I suggested earlier writing a list or some notes for the GP - might this approach help you explain to your DH too?

Hope you get a good sleep, I am going to try for some myself now.

[NorksAreMessy]

bimbo if ever there was a problem crying out for CBT, this is it...
I had exactly six sessions of CBT and it enabled me (for example) to walk up a road that had completely paralysed me before, to climb ladders (impossible before) and to go to the theatre like a 'real' person.

I know you a having problems getting a GP appointment, but even googling and researching CBT might help you to learn some techniques.

I am setting aside the problem with your husband deliberately. BUT you may well find that he is the root cause of a significant proportion of your anxiety.

Sending strength and love fom Malvern

[BimboJimbo]

Thank you everyone.
I am going to go into doctors tomorrow. Pointless ringing them, I sat on phone all day to then be told they shut at lunchtime today. I already take a low dose of a beta blocker but it doesn't help at all. I will ask about cbt. I would rather that than cover up a problem with pills. I get so anxious taking tablets anyway because I'm scared of the side effects. Sounds so silly. I'm going to try and go for a long walk with DC tomorrow. I've got to force myself out or it will just get worse.
I have to go for a look around the pre school for DD tuesday afternoon. DD is very excited! It's right around the corner from our house too, so another reason to go for walks. Feeling positive tonight, we will see about tomorrow.
Mum isn't sure what stage the cancer is at yet. The nurse/consultant said they think they have caught it early and hopefully mum will just need an operation and a little bit of radiotherapy. She finds out more Wednesday. She's off on holiday for the weekend so hopefully take her mind off it. DH not exactly been very supportive. He buggered off to our neighbours house for the evening!
I'm going to try get some sleep.
Thank you for all your replies .

[FTRsMammy]

My pleasure. Sorry to hear about your mum that's really not what you need. So I'm send you some very unmumsnetty hugs

[DENMAN03]

Please go to the doctor. I have suffered with panic attacks for over 30 years. At my worst I was having 20 a day and could barely go to work. I now have a low level drug which keeps it at bay. I haven't had one for nearly 3 years. Its breaking the cycle that's the hardest part. I can recommend CBT if your doctor will agree to that. It helps with coping strategies. Stay strong x

[NamelessMcNally]

Oh lovely, your poor Mum. I don't know what to say. Cancer is a horrible disease. Do you know what stage?

Could you just present at your GP? I genuinely think you are in crisis and a turn up and sit in might motivate them to see you. They do sound shockingly bad. When does your 3yo start preschool? Maybe just one spirited toddler in tow to increase the motivation?

Do you have access to surestart or a reasonable HV who might be able to prod your useless GP? Sure start more for toddler support (they sound challenging which is normal, mine are 4.6 and 2.5 and I'm still driven nuts most days).

You are doing so well.

[TheBakeryQueen]

Oh no I'm so sorry for such terrible news.

Wishing you & your mum strength.

[BimboJimbo]

Thank you so much for all your lovely replies. It nice to know I can come here and people will listen to me. It's been a nightmare trying to get GP appointment, but I will try again tomorrow.
DH has been saying to me today that he doesn't understand why I can't drive and how has it got to this?
I wish I understood myself. He will never understand as he doesn't have to live with it on a daily basis.
I was having a good day until about an hour ago, my mum phoned to tell me she has just found out she has breast cancer :(
Can this world I live in throw anymore crap my way?!
I'm determined to try and carry on my good mood today but it's slowly going.
Will probably been posting a lot tomorrow afternoon/ evening while DH away. You lot really helped me through the other morning, so thank you

[Hissy]

I was in a similar situation to yours. My DS was 3 too, i'd lost my entire life.

Ended up with agoraphobia. Mild, but crap nonetheless.

My DR suggested Rescue Remedy, I have a spray in my bag still! Never need it now though!

Your relationship has done this to you.

I'm on my own for almost 3 yrs now. Couldn't be happier generally. Issues with my family, but i'd have that anyway!

You can do this, and you won't recognise yourself!