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Can't believe he's doing this!

378 replies

AuchAyethenoo · 18/09/2013 09:26

I posted a last week about some financial issues I'm having with my dp, basically he works full time on a decent wage, I receive CTC, cb and maintenance for my eldest dc. I pay half of all the bills, mortgage etc plus buy all of the food and all of the children's clothes, activities etc, etc. This has, of course, caused major stress for me to the point that my mum takes me food shopping just to ensure we have food in the house for my children.

Yesterday he comes home telling me he has just found out his brother (9 years old) has rattled up a £700 bill on his x-box on his mothers credit card. That she has no money at all now. MIL is on benefits, I suggested she could contact DWP to apply for a loan for food and essentials and perhaps speak to her sons father to arrange buying food for them.

I've now found out that dp has given his mum about £300. I don't grudge his mum help for food, but what I am struggling with is that he has no issue giving his mum money but never has any to give to me for our children.

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catsmother · 22/09/2013 15:50

Auch - whether or not you'll be able to read this I don't know, but yes, agree with everyone else who thinks he's sussed something's up. Whether this is because he's detected a change in your attitude, or because perhaps he's seen more explicit "evidence" such as (god forbid) your post here, or call records to WA, I don't know - but please please take the utmost care with PC and phone history until you're out of there.

This sudden out of the blue 2 week holiday seems an extraordinary co-incidence. I think you would have to be made of extremely strong stuff to act as if everything was "normal" towards him during that time - such as following your normal routine, such as (like Guybrush suggested) initiating the same sort of conversations, such as sex etc. Now it seems something has "clicked" within you and you're facing up to a new and much better future without him, I should imagine it'd be near impossible to pretend nothing's changed - even the most subtle differences in your attitude towards him could potentially be picked up (even if he doesn't understand exactly what's going on) and used to pick a row.

If you think you can last another 2 weeks like this then of course I wish you all the luck in the world but I think you'd be placing yourself in a very dangerous position. Far far better to call the police NOW and cut your losses IMO. I know that's really scary, and I know it's moving things on at a far quicker pace than you'd envisaged, without giving you the opportunity to gather more information or to find somewhere definite to live, but THE most important thing here is your safety and that of the children. As others have said, get out of there however you can, and worry about material "stuff" later - you won't literally be out on the streets with the help of your mum, sister and/or WA, and passports etc can be replaced later. You may be "uncomfortable" for a short while but that's nothing compared remaining with a controlling abuser who quite probably has had his suspicions raised for whatever reason and sees his meal ticket going down the drain. Regardless of your long term intent to leave, I'm very worried about how these next 2 weeks might pan out - it just doesn't make sense and is too convenient to be dismissed as normal when you take everything else into account. It's such a cliché but true to be safe than sorry.

Good luck Auch. I don't know where you are but I'm in Herts. I'm sure if you PM'ed any one of us who've said where we live we would be happy to try and help you however we can.