Really annoying person I could get my own back on... but should I?

[LemonDrizzled]

Looking for some votes here for or against while I decide what to do.

Two years ago I was helping organise a charity event and somebody who didn't know I was the chairman of the volunteer sports club involved was obnoxious to me. Gratuitously rude and insulting. I withdrew with dignity and said to her "I hope you never want to join our Club in the future". She didn't know at the time I was senior management.

Now two years later she has applied to join with her new partner and I could "black ball" her. She has friends who have begged me not to, she has turned over a new leaf, she is with a new man etc etc.

I have done stupid things myself in the past, and maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt. But already she has upset me again with this, and I will have to socialise with her for years potentially.

So do I block her application and look petty? Or be the bigger person and say nothing? This is a very small place...

[Lweji]

If you don't want to 'Blackball' her, could you explain your reasons to the other committee member and leave it to them and not vote. Then there can not be any comeback on you.
This is a good solution, IMO, if possible.

[ladyjadie]

Yeah, if she can do it to you she can do it to others. I'd be blackballing her on that- it's potentially bad for the meeker members of the club.

So you have a good moral reason to back up your own personal one!

P.s oldgrandmama if you're still reading, do start up that revenge thread

[Apocalypto]

I am not one for being all forgiving and rising above it and all that shit.

I would get even.

You're completing this little cow's upbringing for her. It's like overlooking a child'd bad behaviour otherwise.

[expatinscotland]

Nothing about getting even, or rising above or anything, but that this person is a fucking hassle and really, why invite that into your life in your free time? Life is full of enough involuntary and unavoidable hassles without forgoing them when you can in your personal life.

Just bar her and fuck all her sycophants.

[IAmNotAMindReader]

The more you post about her the worse she sounds. She has a reputation beyond your sphere for loud bullying so she hasn't changed.
Explain your reasoning to the other members, leaving out any personal aspect on your side.

Tell them about the HS aspect which I am presuming she knew she was being a dick about just to look good. Anyone who will flout such basic rules for popularities sake is not to be trusted. That need doesn't go away. She is quiet atm because the opportunity hasn't presented itself.

As others have said if she joins she will drive other members away including you. She may not remember what she did before but she will insist on things at the club being her way and it will rub people up the wrong way.

If you want to give her a second chance fine but not with something so close to your heart as this. Black ball.

[Lostinspace1]

Blackball.

She was rude and insulting to you - why would being with a new man change her character??

She will revert to type when surrounded by her friends.

[PigOnStilts]

Blackball the bitch just for making her friends plead her case.

[MakeHayIsAWhaleNow]

If you let her in now, can you later retract it? I would call her in to discuss your concerns given how she treated you, be the bigger person and let her in but with zero tolerance for that kind of thing again? I wouldn't blackball, tbh (seems petty), but let her know you have forgiven but not forgotten.

[ChelseaBun]

I think you should let her in. After all the fuss with her friends she will be so grateful to you.

She can then be your little pet that you give all the shitty jobs to at the next charity event.

[Floggingmolly]

I'd blackball without a second thought; but why were you discussing her application within earshot of her friends?

[GrandstandingBlueTit]

I don't think there's any way you can blackball her, is there, what with too many people knowing about it, and the long-term repercussions of doing so?

However, I think letting her in is almost certainly going not going to be a good thing for you.

ROCK< you >HARD PLACE

[FetchezLaVache]

I would blackball, simply because you told her you would if she ever tried to join your club. If you don't, she will assume it's because you lack clout, rather than that you are of a forgiving nature, and will probably be even more sneery in future.

[PTFO]

will she know it was you that blackballed?

I'd blackball. karma is a bitch.

[Beccaloolah]

Part of me wants to say give her a second chance. But you know what - would she do the same for you?

What issues does she have that made her so hideous? You could pity her, blackball her but would it make you feel a better person?

However, conflicting advice, I know, perhaps being the better person would be to let her know you were upset/hurt/angry etc by her behaviour but that you are willing to let her have a second chance. But that if she fucks up again she's out!

[pl1999]

Adult women don't behave that way... surely?

No, adult women post here asking for opinions as to whether they should get their own back over a past indiscretion.

Not petty at all.

[QuintessentialOldDear]

No way is she going to behave like a little pet! She will be utter while, she has showed OP just how badly behaved she can be, and if OP lets her in despite this, she knows she has carte blanche to do anything she wants!

DO NOT LET HER IN!

[QuintessentialOldDear]

vile. not while

[perfectstorm]

No, adult women post here asking for opinions as to whether they should get their own back over a past indiscretion.

I agree the phrasing was really poor. I wasn't expecting to sympathise with the OP when I clicked. But the title doesn't reflect the situation, IMO.

And indiscretions are when you get drunk and loud, or say inadvertently something monumentally tactless, and so on. There's no malice involved. Bullying is not an indiscretion. That's a choice.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

I've thought about this some more. It's not about revenge or personal feelings. Do you think she will be an asset to the club, will she abide by its rules and support its ethos? Based on past behaviour the answer is no. Therefore, I would be inclined to conclude that she doesn't fulfil the membership criteria. So blackball her for having demonstrating her lack of respect for the club rules and its members rather because of her personal rudeness to you.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

Having demonstrated

[cantdoalgebra]

She probably was awful to you in the first place because she is the sort of person who is always looking for perceived "weakness" in others and when they think they find it, they attack, whether justified or not. People like this do not change - ever. It is not a passing phase, or a mistake, it is in their nature. If you support her application, she will not be grateful, she will merely view it as another example of "weakness". You do not need her in your life - let her do any running, not you. This is not about revenge, it is realism.

[CharityFunDay]

Why are you even debating this?

Blackball, and sleep easy over it.

[LemonDrizzled]

Thanks for all the feedback. I am glad I posted (and sorry that my thread title was rather ill thought out). From this I have reflected that yes this person is probably a bully and not an asset to our club. I am not perfect and would never pass judgement on someone without hearing more about their situation and the reasons they behaved badly. And it was definitely indiscrete to talk about her application in the club at the bar unaware that interested ears were flapping! Her friend asked me not to judge her on first impressions and I think that will be my view.

I may come to regret not using my veto later, but equally she may be a strong character who can be given a role in the club.
I will update if there is any progress.