My sister called my DS a 'little shit'

[CantThinkOfAYoniPun]

We were at a family paryt. Lots of children, bouncy castle etc. She had brought some her her DC's ride on toys along for everyone to play on.

Her two are 1 and 3.

My DS1 (who is 10) was riding on a scooter and as he went past her she barked at him 'get off that!', he thought she was joking (so did I) so he pulled a face and scooted off, she then turned to me and said, 'tell that little shit to get off DDs scooter before he breaks it'.

I coldly said, don't ever call my son a little shit again, the toys are there for the children to play with, he hasn't done anything wrong.

Yes, she said, the LITTLE children, not him.

I told DH and we went and told both our older two (DD is 9) to not play with the bikes and trikes.

I am FURIOUS. The worst thing is, I childmind both her DDs so my three children share ALL their toys with them.

DS is tiny, by the way, he weighs about 3.5 stone and is 135cm, it's not like he's a great hulking preteen like some of his peers. The scooter was a metal one, exactly the same as my DC have.

We had some issues on holiday last year where they scapegoated our DC over things their DD was doing. They let her run around in a restaurant and I asked DD to go and get her, she cried and my sister really shouted at my DD. I don't think she likes my children and she's made it quite obvious.

How on earth do I deal with this? I am actually shaking with rage as I type this. I know that as a parent of younger children, older ones can seem very big and very other, but this was awful.

[sweetiepie1979]

I remember your last post OP about the Easter holiday situation. So I think you've got to not loin after her children anymore.

[sweetiepie1979]

Loin meaning look

[JakeBullet]

Velvetspoon..you say you have called a child "a little shit" and you think it's okay??

Hope you are never within 100 yards of MY child then!

[QuintessentialOHara]

Do you think she is jealous of the relationship you have with the girls?

It is very sad. Her children get to experience love and affection from their own parents and you, and your children have to be defended against venom.

I would find other children to mind. Seems like the dynamic between you is totally wrong, owing to her paying you and you providing a service. She must think she is your "boss".

[TerrysNo2]

I don't care what he did, that is no way to ever refer to a child (or anyone for that matter) - it is totally disgusting and if anyone called my son that I would be horrified. He is a child!

[Tryharder]

Wow, you sound pleasant, Velvetspoon.

OP, I know the kind of metal scooter you mean. My very tall 8 year old rides on them as does his 2 year old sister. There is no way your DS could have been expected to know not to ride on them.

Your sister owes you an apology and I would be rethinking our relationship given her obvious dislike of your DC. I can't believe that some of you think it's ok to call a child a little shit in front of its own mother, least of all your own nephew!

[HumphreyCobbler]

She sounds vile. I would be livid.

[mysteryfairy]

Would it have been ok if your sister had referred to him as a 'great hulking pre-teen'? That's apparently how you refer to your 10 year old DS's friends and as the mother of an eleven year old DD who is quite self conscious about her height I can tell you that out of the descriptions you and your sister used that is actually the one DD would be more upset to have used about her. So maybe you need to think about how you refer to people out of your hearing too. Children can't control their height and at that age someone else is largely responsible for their weight too whereas presumably your DS could have behaved himself.

[JenaiMorris]

mystery ime 10 yo boys are far more likely to be bothered about being small and would take "great hulking pre-teen" as a compliment. Not that I think it's entirely relevant.

OP, you sister sounds awful but a lot of parents with only small children are pretty awful about older ones - even relatively slight 10yo ones.

[KitchenandJumble]

I can't believe anyone thinks your son was behaving badly. From your description, it sounds to me as though he did nothing wrong. He thought your sister was teasing him, so he responded in kind. As soon as he realised the request was serious, he complied. Sounds like a nicely behaved child.

Your sister, OTOH, was extraordinarily rude. I would absolutely have words with here, some of which would be "Please never refer to my child in that way again." I'd also rethink the childminding arrangement, though I understand that you would like to maintain a close relationship with your nieces.

[CantThinkOfAYoniPun]

Erm, most of DS's friends are almost as tall as me (I'm 5'3) and getting to the slightly awkward stage, which I know DS will get to soon. They tend to hulk and loom no matter how tall or big they are.

It happens to most boys (and lots of girls), and is nothing to do with weight or really even height, it's just their limbs and their bodies seem at odds with each other.

DS is a scrawny, pale little beastie, and lined up next to his classmates he looks a couple of years younger. If he's anything like my brother he'll suddenly sprout at 16 and end up 6'5.

I'm sorry if you were offended by what I said but I certainly didn't mean any malice by it. Whereas 'that little shit' has a pretty clear meaning.

[Gales]

TBF the cheap metal scooters my dcs had when they were toddlers did give up th ghost when they were about 8. They weren't up to the job anymore, but they had had a lot if use!

No way what she said was ok though. My reaction would be to say Im sure you dont want your dc mixing with a little shit, so find anew minder by x date.

[Coffeeformeplease]

I would be livid if my sister (or anyone) called one of my children a little shit.
In my opinion your son has done nothing wrong. We've been at many garden parties where the older children use the little ones toys, too. Including tiny slides and scooters. Nothing ever got broken. And I'm talking age range from toddler to teenager.
If she is so obviously disliking your children I would find it really hard to see her all the time (childminding her children).
Maybe she doesn't really appreciate you anyway, as the Easter story suggests, after you have looked after her ill children. How many childminders would do that?
Talk to her.

[Spice17]

I'm really surprised at people saying the 10 year old should have got off the scooter, of course he would think she was joking as it's a pretty unresonable and selfish thing to request of a child at a children's party.

I would be disgusted at anyone calling my child a 'little shit' and if it was a friend they would no longer be one.

Was she drinking? That was my immediate thought but it still doesn't excuse her depicable behaviour.

[VelvetSpoon]

I am obviously out of step here (so be it) but my children don't use other peoples toys without asking first - and if asked to stop, they stop.

I would have been v disappointed had my own DS pulled a face at another adult (esp a family member) and not immediately done as he was asked by them.

[Coffeeformeplease]

Velvet, I think it was clear that the boy thought it was a joke! He pulled a face to acknowledge it (or he was just confused), and not to be rude.
I would think it was a joke as a child in a hall full of toys with other children and to be shouted at to get off the toys. Believe it or not, my children are well behaved


...with the exception of the four-year-old who is being a four-year-old

[CantThinkOfAYoniPun]

But they weren't 'other people's toys' in this context, they were toys provided by everyone for all the DC to play with.

IF she had asked him properly and he had ignored her or made a face I would have put a rocket under him, I don't tolerate rudeness from my children. But she was very rude to him and it came across as a gag, because you just wouldn't expect an adult to speak to anyone that way and mean it.

[Snog]

I think you need to calm down and ask her calmly why she thinks it is acceptable to call your child a little shit.
Then listen to what she says.

[Snog]

For the record I think there is no excuse at all but I think you need to ask the question of her.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

She should not have spoken to him like that in the first place, and then called him a little shit. Unnecessary and rude.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Velvet

the point is, he was not asked to get off, he was yelled at.

[LemonBreeland]

Your sister is a bitch and I think you need to cut down the amount of time you spend with her.

Why holiday with her? And I would be giving her notice for the minding.