father commented on other women

[pastpresent]

This may sound as though I'm dredging up ancient history, and maybe I am, but I was thinking the other day about how I've never made the most of my looks or really pulled myself together, and out of the blue I remembered a time when my father was driving me somewhere in the car and said of a woman crossing the street in front of us, "She sure has a nice set of lungs." (I would have been a teenager at the time and this was certainly not the only time he made similar comments.) He would also point out attractive women in magazine adverts and so forth to me. My parents were and are married. Was this behavior normal? I must have assumed so at the time but now it makes me uncomfortable to think of it and I'm beginning to realize it affected me as I feel disproportionately self conscious around men, and I'm an adult (theoretically) woman.

[MrsGrieves]

I know what you mean, I remember my Dad saying that Teri Hatcher was his "perfect woman" in a superman prog I think. He also said to me "If you looked like your sister you would be attractive" wanker.

He split from my Mum shortly before he died, I visited him in his hostel and he was very quick to comment on the fact I had lost weight, yuck. I had barely anything to talk to him about.

I kind of compare him to my dp now, and although my dp is in no way as shit, he still doesn't really have a decent relationship with the children. Not exactly sure what to do about that though.

[Corygal]

Ha! That's the best one to date - really award-winningly rude and hurtful, Mrs Grieves.

My favourite was, out of the blue: 'Never mind dear you've got a nice personality'. My aunt takes the credit for that one, but the thing is the dad ones count miles worse, I reckon because the father is clearly regarding his child in a judgemental and critical way when fathers are supposed to be precisely the one male who doesn't do that to any femal. Who love you as a parent and a cherished daughter.

Let's face it, not only is the father looking when he shouldn't be, he's looking in a way he really shouldn't be - one's instincts get the creeps because of the sniff of incest, let's be honest.

Well, at least your DP is a lot less shit than that, which has to count for rather a lot.

[drizzlecake]

She sure has a fine set of lungs is sleazy and pervy if you are saying it to your teenage daughter.

If he had said ' Goodness, she is well-endowed' might have been almost acceptable.

But no, neither is ok to say to your teenage daughter.

[drizzlecake]

V sad really.

[pastpresent]

Ha, MrsGrieves, I'm sure Terri Hatcher would have been on my father's list as well.

I do want to say I'm not "uncomfortable" per se with men although certainly I have had some very negative experiences as well. It's more a self-consciousness that I could do without and yes, I do think that early family experiences carry a lot of weight. As BethFairbright so rightly says, if it's some knob on the street you can dismiss it as a minority viewpoint but when it comes from your father you tend to take it on board.

I'll poll DH (don't think he'll be too impressed).