Am I too hard?

[springyhope]

A lodger arrived today and, how to say this - she was difficult from the off. I need the money, she needed the room and I thought ah well, see how it goes (didn't expect it to last long). We bashed out payment terms and, as the intro had been short notice (both of us recommended to the other by a friend last night), she said she would go to the bank to get the money. Then she decided she would transfer it on the internet ("I don't want to go out now") - by now her stuff was in the room [

[izzyizin]

Seems to me you're well rid of the potential tenant who'd have turned you into a lodger in your own home from hell who, I suspect, may have flung herself weeping on your mutual friend's bosom in the middle of the night.

Assertiveness is a quality that you should never beat yourself up for, and you have reason to be proud that you didn't let your rising red hot anger blood pressure tip assertiveness into agression.

As CB has said, well done you for standing your rightful and righteous ground.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Hmm. It depends on what her reasons / excuses were. I'm sure you're in the right op but all your bits in brackets make you sound rather hard faced tbh. And quite scary.

I hope she's ok

[izzyizin]

The OP's not a social worker, Bit, nor is she hardfaced.

How many landladys allow their tenants to move in before they've paid a penny in rent and how many tenants tell said landladys that they'll leave their rent payments on the table as a 'treat' for them?

[izzyizin]

landladies!!! What am I on? Whatever it is, I'll have another

[BitOutOfPractice]

I didn't say she was a social worker. I said that she might be more intimidating than she thinks.

Sorry not to just agree with everyone like!

I think they both have lessons up learn from this episode don't they?

[MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour]

I think you did the right thing

She decided to leave and she's a grown woman, don't worry about her just enjoy your lucky escape

[izzyizin]

If the OP was 'more intimidating than she thinks', Bit, I suspect she wouldn't have a had a problem in getting her new tenant to pay, as is customary, upfront before granting her possession of the room.

Some see kindness as weakness; others take the piss. Whatever category this particular would-be tenant falls into, IMO the OP's well rid.

[BitOutOfPractice]

She was certainly rather gungho about the whole thing. The situation was also of her making as well as the lodgers

Either way, it makes me feel rather unhappy to think of any woman alone at night without a roof over her head, no matter how much of a piss taker she is or was and I hope she's ok

[joblot]

I'm with bit, op sounds a little ott from what she's written here. I use the do as you would be done by principle. But I am a bit soft. But also I'm quite kind I hope.

I have a lodger and I gave him the benefit of the doubt, as one has to when you don't know someone. Hes come up trumps I'm pleased to say. If I'd been rigid I'm not sure that would have helped any, it certainly wouldn't have encouraged goodwill

[izzyizin]

It's not as if the OP cast her out into the dark rainy night, bit.

The woman eventually stumped up paid £30 for a roof over her head for the night and she had no need to vacate it until the morning.

As for do as you would be done by, joblot, is it customary to agree terms to rent a room without paying the required sum before you take possession of it?

Or am I missing something here

[BitOutOfPractice]

Hold on, the op was just as dippy as the lodger here. She didn't handle things very professionally either, or cover herself in glory.

And like I said, I wouldn't like to think of anyone being out alone at night, let alone an upset woman.

I say all this as a pretty hard headed businesswoman and landlord. But I didn't like all the "oh well, it's her own fault, she'll be fine" comments about this woman.

[Anniegetyourgun]

What do you think the OP should have done, then - locked her in?

[springyhope]

sorry to butt into the convo here, on my own thread and all

how some of you can have read the situation the way you have is beyond me. So, this woman walks into a shop and tries on some clothes, goes to the cafe wearing said clothes, comes back saying she's not ready to pay for them yet and she doesn't want to go to the bank because it's cold and the draining board is on the left and she makes a point and a fuss about the draining board being on the left - which is wrong for her because she's left-handed - so puts the washed up stuff the other way around so the water drips onto the floor (I kid you not) and she might leave the money on the counter for the shop assistant as a treat and, after she's been wearing said clothes for hours she starts arguing about the price, the fabric, the colour; still no sign of any spondus...

She was a pain in the jeffing arse and I suspect flounced to get back some kind of control. YOur comment izzy that she would have turned me into the lodger in my own home is smack on. I hated that she was out in awful weather - read the blarsty thread. Her choice, she's not a baby (though you wouldn't know it).

[BitOutOfPractice]

Not got to that stage to start with.

I'm not saying the lodger sounds great. She sounds like a nightmare. But the whole situation was badly handled on both sides and I don't like to think of anyone, no matter how nightmarish, being out alone at night.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Op you shouldn't have let her move in without a. Paying her deposit and b. getting references c. Possibly a credit check d. The contract signed

It was all too rushed. You left yourself open to being taken advantage of.

In fact, in answer to your question, you should've been a lot more professional and hard faced about it before it got to this stage

As I have said, she does sound a nightmare. I don't dispute that. But if you don't get more savvy, these things can happen

Hope your next lodger works out better

[springyhope]

Nor me - read the thread.

Just found a half-smoked fag on a shelf. oh SO well rid

[BitOutOfPractice]

And I'm sorry, I didn't realise we weren't allowed to post without your authorisation so back at you!

[MorrisZapp]

Op, you sound like a peice of work. Sorry.

[joblot]

Op you asked a question and we have all given our differing opinions. Was that not what you wanted?

[springyhope]

When I first spoke to her, she was staying in a hostel (long story, not as dodgy as it sounds) and said 'I'm just checking out of the hostel and will be with you in an hour'. 'just checked out??' I said, alarmed 'are you expecting to stay here tonight?'. 'don't jump to conclusions' she said. I thought.

I was under pressure because she had nowhere to stay and I was going out. I asked for references - 'you can't expect me to find references just like that, I need time' - me: 'you wouldn't turn up to a job with no references saying you had no time - I'd like some references please' (I swear I had to battle on every point). After mucking about on this and that - endless mucking about - I said (at 5pm, after she had had 4 hours to decide what she was going to do) that she could leave it and start the tenancy at a later date if she preferred. no, no, she said.

[izzyizin]

The bottom line is she wouldn't have gone anywhere if she didn't have somewhere to go.

Drama queens always have a plan b if plan a doesn't work out to their advantage satisfaction, and that would hold true if this diva was put down in the middle of the Sahara desert.

Go for short term gay male lodgers, honey, and be on the lookout for a chef - if I could clone mine I'd send you a Dolly copy

[BitOutOfPractice]

Op it's clear that you started this thread so everyone could agree with you sigh sorry, AIBU doesn't work like that. People will disagree with you.

You played your part in this sorry mess. You also handled it badly. Next time, be more professional. Then nobody gets hurt or inconvenienced.

[panicnotanymore]

You did the right thing - I had a tenant do this to me too, but I fell for her sob stories and ended up considerably out of pocket. I have since discovered that far from being a vulnerable old lady she is a semi professional con artist who takes advantage of nice women who don't want to be 'hard'. I have wised up now - no one gets a foot in the door until I have a deposit, rent and a water tight contract.

I never let to friends of friends. It never works out as they seem to think you will waive payment because of the friend link.

[frostyfingers]

Whatever you think about how the OP handled the situation, she did not make the "tenant" go there and then, just said that she wanted her gone in the morning. It was the "tenants" decision to flounce out in the middle of the night so she should take responsibility for her actions.

[izzyizin]

Hmm, Hmm, this isn't AIBU, Bit, and I suspect that some responses here would differ substantially had springy entitled her thread 'Was I Too Soft' which, clearly, from the outset she was.