Hello all
I was wondering if someone could give me some advice about my re-occurring problem - its absolutely driving me insane and i feel like i am going further and further down into hopelessness. In the scheme of things, i know that i am lucky to have this problem....anyway, i'll just get on with it....
I have been married for 15 years, and have 2 girls aged 10 and 12. My husband is a good guy, he works, he helps, we laugh and enjoy similar things. We have separated twice over the years for about a year at a time, all because of the same problem - my utter inability to be intimate with him. By that i mean, anything from lingering meaningful looks to sex - in fact we haven't had sex for many many many years and the thought of it with him, really makes me feel so stressed. In fact, and i hate to say this, but the idea makes my skin crawl (thats a horrible thing to say i know, particularly about someone you love).
We have got back together as we are a fantastic family, we love spending time together and having fun, the girls love us being together, its generally happier when we are together.....until after a while we realise its the same damn old problem which makes us tense, stressed and then we stop enjoying our time together.
We are now back together and i am starting to feel the same old stresses and i have a terrible feeling that i have made the same mistake AGAIN. i hate myself because the girls were OK with us being apart, i had even met someone (and had fab sex and everything - eek), but i hated being away from the kids and missed my husbands company. Eventually he gave me an ultimatum along the 'either come back now or never do' line and so i went back. I thought anything would be better than the horror of being away from my kids. When we are apart, he is quite unpleasant and doesn't look after the girls the way i would (i know that that is fine but i hate to think there are no clean clothes or food in the house). Actually, that is probably unfair, they adore their dad - he is just a bit stricter than me. I just feel stuck between my own possible happiness and my childrens' happiness. They love us being together and i know people say that you are better happy and apart, but i am not that unhappy, just not very happy, if you see what i mean. We have done counselling, sexual counselling, individual counselling - we know the issues - i think he is over emotional and needy and needs some friends other than me, he thinks i am spoilt and a bit cold. We are going to counselling again tomorrow and i am just dreading it.
I know this is rambling but if someone could help me i would be so grateful. Can the sexual feelings come back? I don't want to hurt my kids like this again? Should i just hang on in there? Honestly, i would prob be able to but my husband (quite reasonably) wants some intimacy!! (and i do too sometimes but not in the right direction). What do you do when you love a person but don't fancy them? Seems like a ridiculous reason to break up a family. What the flip is wrong with me?? So angry at myself.
Thank you for reading.
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What to do??
11 replies
Bigmess · 31/07/2012 19:44
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