Once, about 8 years ago, my h arranged to meet a woman. The kids passed me his mobile phone, as it beeped, and it was her reply. They hadnt yet met, and didnt. I trusted him not to do it again. Earlier this year, in September, I put a thread on here asking for advice about 6 years' worth of suspicious behaviour- mainly photos on computer, which I found occasionally, and which he said were accidentally downloaded with music. Bubblegum may remember this! The thread made me see that there was more to worry about, although I still didnt quite accept it.
Soon after this, after moving out of the bedroom, war broke out between us, which ended with us at Relate. He still denied all. Finally, after the third week, when it became increasingly clear that I would not back down or drop this issue, despite progress at Relate, I got the story. Of course, he had been receiving photos of other women, and many more than I had discovered. They were from one off sex conversations on yahoo pool, mainly late at night, but eventually any time of day.
The interesting part for me was the follow up stuff about why. He had felt for a long time increasingly powerless, often with me too, and criticised. He was criticised, and underappreciated too, although only because I felt the same about him.
We are currently doing a really good job at repairing our relationship. He is absolutely insisting that he was a real bastard, with openness/communication issues, and I have not asked for him to say this. Quite frankly, he is a changed man, and has told the kids and my family that he has treated me badly for years, and is far less keen to hear me say the same. He has busted his ass at Relate.
So I would say that there are real red flags here, OP, and that if you want to avoid years of uneasy half suspicions and lack of trust like i had, you might want to have a real relationship MOT, maybe at Relate.
ps Bubblegum, I thought you were a right hard witch at the time, but you were spot on!