Hi everyone,
I haven't posted much but I do linger around the forums and I would much appreciate some advice right now.
Firstly, a brief description of my situation: I've been married for just over a year, together for 5 (ttc for over a year without success) and I adore my husband beyond words. I know he adores me too and he works really hard for us and our future doing long hours in a highly-pressurised job and studying every day for his accountacy qualification. On top of that, he is a wonderful, thoughtful, warm, loving and incredible person...I usually pinch myself thinking how lucky I really am that someone like him is with me.
Long story short: his best friend is staying for the weekend (he lives in London while we are in the South East so we don't see him very often). My husband used to be a very heavy drinker and although he drinks moderately now, he has a tendency towards bingeing at certain special occasions which I know is considered normal in the UK but not so where I come from (I am South American). Besides, I had treatment for an illness a while ago which meant that I was unable to drink for over 1 year (I drink very little now as it could damage my health given my medical history) and we are trying for a baby which makes me even more sensitive and aware of the fact that drinking heavily is not advisable. Also, I've just gone freelance and managed to get my first commission for a big project which I need to work on flat out all weekend.
Yesterday evening, between dh and his friend (although dh was drinking at twice the speed his friend was) they downed 4 bottles of wine and a few beers. It made for uncomfortable viewing for me and I went to bed determined to not let it affect me but I needed a good night sleep and as they were drunk, they were playing music really loudly and shouting. I asked them once to turn it down which they did for 10 seconds but then it was back on for another couple of hours or so. This morning, I was fuming...and it all came out in the worst possible way...I said that I did not like to see him binge drinking like that and that it affected me as I couldn't sleep well. He went ballistic and talked to me in such a threatening and aggressive way that I was a bit scared that it might get out of hand. He stormed off cursing and insulting me and although we have exchanged a few text messages since then, he is still livid and thinks MY behaviour was disgusting.
He thinks it's normal to get completely legless with his friend now and again...I hate myself for bringing it up knowing he would go berserk but somehow I couldn't help it as I am very expressive and he got it out of me in the end. He has now gone off with his friend saying he is very angry and dissapointed in me...I am hurt, confused, angry and remorseful, all at the same time.
Do you think I am wrong in thinking that that sort of excessive drinking is out of order or should I just accept it as an occasional 'treat' and as part and parcel of his culture?
Thank you and sorry for the very long post...
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I think I have ruined everything...but I am so off the mark? (long!)
38 replies
MCT76 · 20/08/2011 13:31
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