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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

competition........who has the worst relationship on mumsnet

69 replies

stitch · 29/08/2005 11:56

i keep reading about other peoples troubles. makes me think. but want this to be reasonably lighthearted discussion.

so come on, fess up. who has it the worst?

OP posts:

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Monstersmum · 31/08/2005 13:49

I think he is just not sexually driven. It was fine in the beginning - we've been together 17 years. We've been for counselling - but never carried on with it. Went to doc - Viagra was an issue due to high cholesterol and high blood pressure at the time.

Need to see a urologist soon as part of IVF treatment so hoping that will sort something out - although at this stage I don;t know if I could - it would be a bit like having sex with my brother.

There have been a few liasons along the way! But not for ages.

NomDePlume · 31/08/2005 13:44

I'm not massively sexually driven but 10 years would leave me climbing the walls. Has DH ever given a reason for his lack of ardour ?

stitch · 31/08/2005 13:42

10 years????????/
why?
get viagra and secretly add it to his dinner? or is he gay? surely you should be allowed to have an affair if he isnt having sex with you? i know that it is very good grounds for divorce.
eeeeekkkkk 10 years

OP posts:

Monstersmum · 31/08/2005 13:23

Aah - must proof read!

"Sometimes IT really bothers me" - would love him to bother me!!!!

Monstersmum · 31/08/2005 13:22

Oops - should have read "me joining in here"!

Monstersmum · 31/08/2005 13:22

Hope you don't mind in joining in here!?

My DH is good fun, a good dad, a good provider generous etc. BUT we haven't had sex for 10 years - DS (4) was IVF.

Sometimes he really bothers me - less so since we had DS. Would love another but DH not too keen. Am hoping to do IVF again in a few months.

Am now 5 stone overweight which doesn't add to my confidence levels any. Know I eat to fill an emotional vacumn.

Love DS to bits obviously but regret not getting out years ago.

Toothache · 31/08/2005 12:51

Sorry, I've kind of hijacked this thread to talk about my shambles of a marriage..... but....
We didn't argue last night!!! In fact, DH even gave me a big hug for no reason!! How long will this last though???

redsky · 30/08/2005 15:02

My relationship may not be the worst on MN - but it sure counts as BAD. The worst bit is its our 24th wedding anniversary today. I should have got out of the marriage YEARS ago - maybe if I'd had the support of MN years ago I would have realised how bad it was. I've learned SO much from MN.

stressedmummy · 30/08/2005 14:55

Sounds all too familiar TA!
I had a bad couple of weeks, where I dreaded him coming home & was taking myself out for walks with the kids all the time just to get out of the house.
I seemed to be constantly in trouble with him for 1 thing or another, but things have been calm for a day or 2 now.
I know how horrible it is & you feel like you hate them when they are like this don't you?

Toothache · 30/08/2005 14:46

When things are fine I feel like I have hope for us as a couple and that we have a future, but need to put a bit of effort in. When things are the way they are now I just feel trapped and miserable and lonely.

stressedmummy · 30/08/2005 14:34

Does it sometimes feel that when he is being nice, you have imagined all the bad things & it couldn't have possibly been that bad IYKWIM?

Toothache · 30/08/2005 14:32

SM - Yes he does! And he can change in a split second. Mind you.... so can I!

stressedmummy · 30/08/2005 14:31

Has your H got 2 sides to him TA?
Mine has & it really messes with my head!
One day he can be really nice & the next he is a monster!

expatinscotland · 30/08/2005 14:22

Dan Savage is BRILL! His column is sometimes published under 'Savage Love'. As an openly homosexual male, he's particularly good at dispensing advice to people who are unsure of their sexual orientation or how to come out.

He's also incredibly funny!

Highly recommend anything he's written, Badger.

He coined one of my fav acronyms: DTMFA. Dump the mutha f&a already!

stressedmummy · 30/08/2005 14:21

I am too scared to step in when H is like that, as I know it will only make things worse for both ds & myself.

Toothache · 30/08/2005 14:16

Thanks, I think Loobie will be going to the next Scottish Meet up if we ever get it right!!

He's a good Father.... up until recently. He's become SO short-tempered with our ds. I have to keep stepping in..... then he goes off in a temper at me and sits outside smoking.

stressedmummy · 30/08/2005 14:07

What kind of a father is he?

stressedmummy · 30/08/2005 14:05

She is in Scotland too & has given me lots of support on my thread.

stressedmummy · 30/08/2005 14:01

Poor you.
I don't talk about it much with RL friends either, because it is embarrassing to admit how bad things really are & also I am scared of it getting back to him.
You are in Scotland aren't you?
You should meet up with loobie, as she has been in an unhealthy relationship.

Toothache · 30/08/2005 13:55

SM - In hindsight I have to hold DH partially responsible for my PND too ( or rather for how long it carried on for). It all went down hill when I saw how little support he could give me emotionally. He was useless when I needed him so much. Just shouted at me when I cried and kept telling me I was selfish for falling apart. I lost all respect for him and nearly had a full blown affair when ds was 6mths old. He found out I was friends with this guy and went mental (understandably).... he lost all respect for me then. That was all 4 yrs ago now, but the wounds run deep and things always get cast up.

Maybe I should have left H then when I thought I had the chance to.

Toothache · 30/08/2005 13:50

SM - Awful eh?

No I'm too embarassed to admit it to my RL friends. They would just tell me to either leave him or make him see how I feel..... I can't seem do either at the moment. My closest friends don't have children, aren't married etc etc..... they wouldn't understand at all.

stressedmummy · 30/08/2005 13:49

I had PND as well, after ds2.
H was a lot to do with it though, due to his reaction to both the pregnancy & birth, but that's another thread in itself!

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stressedmummy · 30/08/2005 13:47

That sounds familiar too!
I always get the "You don't love me like you used to" line.
I tell him that he doesn't make himself very lovable!
Have you confided in any RL friends?

Toothache · 30/08/2005 13:45

Oh yes SM he knows. When I tell him how low I'm feeling and how sad it makes me that he doesn't feel the need to show any affection towards me, he manages to turn it into a competition about who is more miserable.

stressedmummy · 30/08/2005 13:43

Feel very for you TA.
Does he see that there is actually a problem with the marraige?

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