WWYD, house A or B? Have to decide quickly.

[meadowquark]

Hi, really have to decide on this quickly. I have been looking for almost impossible, a 3 bed house for low-ish budget in my area. I really wanted to be near our current primary catholic school, but after a long period of looking, I settled on:

House A - 2 miles drive from the current school, supposedly better area, but a more suburban, further from train stations for commute (20-25 min walk), catchment of and walkable distance to a outstanding secular secondary but I think a bit too far from catholic secondaries should my DC want to choose them, non-traditional 1970s build, 85 sq.m. of smart compact layout, small but pleasant garden, a garage, downstairs cloakroom. My main hesitation is that we (or our aupair) will have to use the car for many years to come, our DC1 is in Y2 and DC2 is to start Reception next year (we could of course change schools although I would prefer not to). Offer accepted, I made mortgage application 6 days ago and bank valuation 3 days ago.

House B - I was not looking anymore, but received an email from an agency, just came up 2 days ago and I went to view. 0.1m from our primary school (one of those roads, where you pass and think, oh it would be so nice to live here), 10 min walk to the train station for commute. On the edge of diverse London area. The house is advertised as 2/3 bed, in fact it is very small terrace, around 67 sq.m., and the 3rd bedroom is around 1.85cm x 1.80cm. The only bathroom is very small and downstairs. The living room is pass-through. We have an aupair, so I am hopeful that shorty bunk beds for DC in the box room could possibly work? Loft conversion is possible but I'd have no money. The garden is 90ft, not overlooked and had a wow factor for me. Even the front garden is long; long enough for a driveway. I would not need a car if I chose to. No good secular schools around, but there are 3 catholic secondaries where we would stand a chance. In short I loved it, mainly for location, character and not-overlooked factor.

My head says continue with house A. My heart is messed up and dreams about house B, even though it is clearly a bit too "compact" for 5 people. If we did not have aupair, I would have chosen House B. If the house B came up earlier. Now since the process has started.. I feel bad if I have to pull out, but equally that my kids would have to sleep in a "cupboard". Both house are without chain, one is empty, another is rented.

WWYD?

[Tyranasaurus]

rent house C and keep looking.

I was all for house B until I saw that it's worse than your current house. Do you like B because it has the things lacking from A (location and period)?

[WantToGoingTo]

I would go with house A. Space really is worth a lot, especially I imagine if you have 2 children. We recently bought our house (6 months ago). We had put in an offer on a 'dream house' but it was rejected. The house was v small, not much garden to speak of but was in lovely rural location and had all the character we were after. It was a 2 bed and we were looking for a 2-3 bed. In hindsight I am glad we got the house we now live in, as although it is not in the rural location that we wanted (suburbs of a small city) it has loads more space and with a baby on the way (and hopefully more one day!) it is just right. It has a driveway that can fit 3 cars, other house could only fit 1, it has 3 bedrooms (2 double one single), it has a huge garden, large downstairs living space etc. It doesn't have the character as it is a 1929 ex-council house, but really the space and the garden make up for it and I am glad we didn't end up in the tiny cottage that looked so quaint! I fear we would not have had enough space once baby got older and we had more kids!

[meadowquark]

Found old pics of house B on Zoopla: here

I like B because it is very convenient for the school; no car needed for daily life; choice of 3 faith schools when the time comes and where majority of DC friends will go; it has a big garden and it is not overlooked. I guess it seemed... cozy? Yes it would work out more expensive but I would have no car expenses. I suppose I could take up the box room if I can fit in there!

I like house A, it ticks all the boxes, but I have hesitations regarding aupair having to drive, me having to walk over a mile to the station and striping my DC of the opportunity to go to the same secondaries as their classmates, because the faith schools are really bad commute from that location.

[ChippingInAutumnLover]

I think house B is totally fine. It's bigger than I imagined from your description.

Even if you don't do the loft extension in 5 years one of the kids can have that smaller room. One of my cousins had a room like that until he left home. They can swap every so often as well if one of them won't take it permanently.

I had a room that size while working overseas and while living with friends for years. The Au Pair will be perfectly fine in the smaller room.

I'd choose B without a backwards glance.

[ChippingInAutumnLover]

I'd need a ton of paint though unless it's been redecorated since

[meadowquark]

Chipping are you sure we are talking about the same size box room i.e. 1.8m x 1.8m?

[SolomanDaisy]

Your sons could easily end up taller than the length of the room. You can't expect them to sleep in a room too small for a normal bed! Just how bad are your neighbours? If you can wait a while, get through the difficult period of separation and then think again about moving, I'd do that.

[ChippingInAutumnLover]

Well, a single bed had to be forced into the length of the room, it was right up against the door frame and other side of the door frame was the other wall.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

House A
Pro's
Spacious, plenty of space for kids and au pair, commutable distance to schools and station. Managable garden, outstanding but non-faith secondary. Right parish [?] in a smart area.
Cons
Kids need to be driven [or bused if it's London] to school. 25 mins walk to station which on top of your commute to work will make each trip 1.5 hrs to work or less ?

House B
Zero commute to station and school. Car could be ditched to save money.

Key questions?
But will you ditch the car in reality - do the kids have sports or other activities that will require a car. Will you need to take them to their Dad's every Friday night/Sat am.
Can you actually fit a proper 3ftx6ft single bed in the smallest room?
Can the loft actually be extended? Is the roof high enough? You need a clear 2m ceiling height when it's finished to meet fire regs. If you can't convert in principle, would you still take the house.
Yes, you could ditch the au pair and use after school clubs. You will lose a significant amount of flexibility and possibly add cost by doing so which as a single parent might become v v important to you?
Is there space on the landing for a turning for a loft staircase or will you lose the third "bedroom" in order to put one up there. So actually spend a lot of money simply to create a larger 3rd bedroom with possibly a shower room.
Do you want the hassle of maintaining a large 90 ft garden as a single parent? That's a lot of grass to cut.

For my money - if I were a single parent of small children, a very short commute and a largish garden would win over House A. There is a REAL space issue though and I would question how you would cope if you had to lose your au pair or had a rolling cycle of disgruntled au pairs and the impact it would have on your children esp on top of a marriage breakdown.
I wouldn't buy House B unless I was absolutely sure I could make it bigger and could afford to do so. If I couldn't, then unless I was personally prepared to sleep in the smallest room I wouldn't take it. Kids have a lot of crap - with only one living room, it's easier to keep their upstairs.

Go back and see House B with your mum and a builder asap. Look at the other houses on the street - has anyone done a loft conversion ? If not, there's probably a good reason. Get in the loft and measure the height, get a builder to go with you. Get costs to extend the ground floor and convert the loft. Then decide.

People pull out of house purchases all the time. Your circumstances are changing and your marriage has broken down. It happens. It's a Tuesday, try to have decided by Friday or you will start to make House A nervous.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

SolomanDaisy's advice is good I think. Unless your neighbours are making life utter hell I'd probably sit tight for a bit.

[meadowquark]

TreadSoftly so smart of you to be asking these questions. Cannot get my mum as she is abroad.

House A: my commute 25min walk, 30min train and 15m at the other end. The kids would have to be driven. A bus is not frequent with very long route. The house needs doing almost nothing in grand terms. Wrong parish (again) but back up of non-faith school.
House B: my commute 10min walk, 12min train and 25min walk at the other end. I would seriously avoid having car. Have to check regarding the loft  will ask the neighbours tonight. Potentially lots of money to be spent which I dont have. But optimistic we could declutter and squeeze ourselves if necessary. Especially me, in the tiny box room in a shorty kids bed (no space for H IF he decides to come back)
My problem - I had dj vu last year, had to pull out as H was threatening to leave. Then the things improved. I would feel terrible for everyone involved, if this happens again.

[ChippingInAutumnLover]

Don't worry about 'everyone else' this is your marriage and your house. You'll be the one paying for it for years to come.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Learned the hard way. Had to lower the ceilings, put in steels etc to get the headroom. What a faff (and cost).

I work FT and take my eldest DD 1.5m to school on foot. Then a 40 min commute into the city. There is no way I could manage if my DH wasn't around to be home by 6. That's why I think the back up of an au pair is essential and you should try to maintain the space to do so.

Sadly that 15 mins off your commute will cost you space and a lot of cash in London. Make a v cheeky offer !!

[meadowquark]

TreadSoftly 1.5miles to school on foot, wow, you must be very fit! I have exactly with my current house, loft too shallow unless I lower the ceilings.. works out cheaper to move.

I just checked out the House's B neighbour with Velux windows, the teenager girl said she has a bedroom in the loft but the parents weren't around to tell me me about meeting the building criteria.

I think I have decided to put a cheeky offer on House B tomorrow, probably won't get it though...

[ChippingInAutumnLover]

I hope it's UBER cheeky :)

[meadowquark]

Thinking of 30k of asking price (315k) - this is how much I am selling mine for.

[meadowquark]

*off

[ChippingInAutumnLover]

How long has it been on the market? What's the market like there?

[ChippingInAutumnLover]

Have you looked it up on Zoopla to see when they bought it and how much it cost them?

[CarmelasFridge]

Is there anywhere for a dining table in House B?

[meadowquark]

Update: I never put an offer towards House A. In the end of the day living in House A would pose more issues (nowhere to sleep, only 1 WC, furniture not fitting etc) despite of some big positives and decided against. Just couldn't pull myself to make an offer.

Now there is a question of House A or staying where I am as I am becoming increasingly terrified to move to suburbs as a lone parent. It should be for the better community and schools and easy maintenance, good layout, more space, but my mortgage will increase and I just feel uneasy!

Almost feel tempted to tell the buyer that there have been some cracks in the walls (which have been repaired) so that they think of pulling out oerhaps. Or that we had rats few weeks ago. I pulled out of almost deja-vu situation last year as H threatened to leave. Now he is definitely leaving.

[JustALittleBitLost]

In your shoes, I'd pull out of House A and wait and make a decision when your situation with H has settled down. I had a similar situation to you - house I never felt at home in, relationship breakdown - and waited quite a long time to eventually move. I've ended up exactly where I wanted to be, with a lovely house, and didn't have the stress of moving on top of a breakup.

[Liara]

If your house has the square footage, would it not be possible to rejig the upstairs to turn it into 3 beds rather than two?

It would probably cost you less than moving and would help make it feel 'yours'.

[ChippingInAutumnLover]

I presume you meant house B in your first paragraph?

I think you should pull out of house A and look hard for house C.

You need to move, it's making you unhappy :( but you haven't found the right house yet. Just keep pushing your dates back, either you will find house C or your buyers will pull out.

If I were you, I'd stick to H definitely leaving this time. He seems to be changing his mind all the time and that's no way for you to live x