House buying regrets...is this normal??? :(

[Becaroooo]

Been in our new house for 6 weeks now (moved in on 2nd December)

I had an accident (fell down the stairs!) 3 days after we moved in and so spent 2 weeks immobile (couldnt realy walk or drive - very frustrating!)

There have been a few issues;

The boiler didnt work properly (its not old either!) - very little hot water. (have to bath the dc at PILs and we have to have showers)

The kitchen hob didnt work properly - have had to replace it (£200).

Then the conservatory roof started leaking....a company came round 3 times before it seemed fixed (£300).

Not a great run up to xmas really Anyway, new year and all that, right?

Except

The boiler guy is coming out tomorrow to clean and try and sort boiler (£600)

The conservatory roof is leaking again so needs looking at again.

We have no savings left. These bills will have to go on the mastercard. Its mine and dhs 40th b day this year - were planning something special. Not going to happen now.

Just keep thinking - if we had stayed in our (too small) rental house we would have £20k in the bank, the LL would sort any issues and we would be able to go on a nice holiday and have no CC debt.

I know IABU and silly...this is a nice house BUT the shine has really been taken off it for me and all I can see are the problems and things that need doing.

I actually thought about asking dh if we could do a bit of decorating and put it back on the market in the spring!!! I didnt...he would go loopy

Come on...give me a kick and tell me I am being silly!

[halphgracie]

I feel your pain really I do, let me share my experience with you and firstly encourage you not to give up on the current house, I will explain why.
We purchased a 1930s semi which had been very cleverly flipped by a dishonest vendor, us too with a young daughter. The property although in an amazing area was quite simply unsafe; electrics and gas had no certificates and non were requested via our solicitors; the boiler (old back boiler) was not vented and the electrics had no earth wires, many double plugs were wired with single core wire and shower was only on 6amp wire, the lights in the bathroom were also placed above zone 1 and were also not earthed.
The roof leaked, the bay window leaked, the double glazing cracked and let lots of cold in, the flat kitchen roof leaked, the garage roof leaked in fact there wasn't actually much that didn't leak, including all the taps in the property. The walls were damp which had been hidden with plasterboard over the top and then huge skirting boards and coving added with chrome light fittings; I found black mould growing in the back of front room and the plasterboard was saturated with water. The front garden sloped towards the property and the water would slowly drain into the foundations which after a day or so would then evaporate through the property and cause very bad condensation. The central heating system was pretty much wrecked and when you put the water on the radiators would also get hot, there were rotten timbers in the roof and the roof tiles themselves were asbestos. The full ordeal of finding so many things wrong spiraled me into a wild panicked frenzy which in my panicked state of mind had me approach a house builder and palmed it off to them on a part exchange. This was all ok, until after I left the house and I realised how much of silly mistake this was to give up a house that all of the issues could have been fixed. I would say always think about the reasons you chose the property in the first place and worry about the things going wrong later; If I could have one wish it would be to just try and start to tackle the jobs in that little money pit rather than throwing in the towel and giving up. I am in a new build now and its pretty dire, yes its finished clean and warm but it just isn't the house that I actually wanted, and felt almost forced to make another move faced with the issues in the other place. I am out of options for the time being and will likely end up selling up at a huge loss on the new build in a year of so and just start out all over again.

[catbasilio]

halphgracie I hear you. I too sold my old money pit in exchange for 50 years old house hoping for easier life. Well the life is easier and maintenance is low but I miss my old house and area and wish I had never sold it. In the year that I have sold the price of my old house has risen so much more than the current one. I had doubts but I was fed up my old house at the time and thought I may as well just do it. Now I am in attempt to sell up and move to my old area and no one wants to buy my current house.
I live to regret more and more every day and just wish my karma was over and I could move on.

[halphgracie]

How did you get on in the end? The reason I ask is I bought a money pit too and sold it.....selling it was the biggest mistake I ever made, things just take time and do envelope tasks, set a goal to get something fixed and save as much as you can in each envelope for each job, honestly there is always some reason why you buy a house so stick with it bit by bit, fight through those hard times and get it fixed up! Do not do what I did which is give up and swap for a new build, I hate it!!

[halphgracie]

Let me tell you my experience, I sold our completely finished 1890s street house in a rough estate with lots of landlords due to prices rock bottoming we only owed 30k.and only 9 years remaining. We purchased another home with no chain thinking it would be ok. Turns out the house was a complete money pit and put my family at risk, asbestos, rotten timbers leaking roofs no earth wires in property, lead water pipes, mould condensation cold it nearly tipped me over edge. Luckily a house builder part exchanged it for us otherwise I doubt I would have coped. I still think back especially with it being xmas thinking "god my first house was totally fine" life gives you lemons sometimes. Karma will catch up with the orginal vendor who sold me old place knowing I had a daughter and not disclosing.

[doglover]

We've lived in our house for nearly 7 years and it's never really felt like home. It's currently under offer (we hope - that's a whole other thread!) and we've offered on a much smaller house that is much more 'me'. Like some other people have mentioned, my dh loves it here because it's very big and quite impressive. I find it cold with way too many rooms to keep clean and tidy. Our next house has 4 bedrooms, 2 receptions and an ok kitchen. I can't wait!

[littlecrystal]

Can I lift this thread up please? Just want to get out my emotions about my house... In a way I am glad to see that house regrets are quiet common.
I bought my house almost 4 years ago. When I was viewing it, it looked like I will just need to paint the pine door frames after I move in - it looked tired but liveable. However, I had to do so much more - had to fix the electrics (it wasn't working), replace the leaking conservatory, sand & varnish floorboards (otherwise they would get too thin if not varnished in time), replace the rest of the flooring (cat-wee smell...), install double glazing (windows too draugthy), completely replace bathroom (major leaks), repaint all rooms (to make it feel own...)... I felt like I was just fixing and fixing and fixing in the first 2 years and some things I just redecorated on surface as the house probably would need full rewiring, replastering, relaying floorboards etc.. It is PITA when you have FT job, 2 small DC and DH cannot put a nail in the wall.
After 4 years of agonising I have decided (DH has no opinion!) to sell and move to a 1960s town house in a better school catchment area hoping that there will be no newspaper stuffed behind skirting boards, wanky floors or crumbling plaster. Fingers crossed my house will sell at the right price (bought price + investment made).

The irony of this is that I got used to it - like you get used to a sick family member (the house) - and I will be sad to leave, especially my grotty but very convenient to live-in area. I am only 34 but i am hoping that the next house will be right and forever home. I cannot afford to make these costly mistakes again.

[Becaroooo]

good luck!!

[skandi1]

Sadly no Becarooo. Still working on it.

To be fair to him, he is doing his best to make me like the place. He has offered to up budgets for the new bathroom and kitchen plus new bedroom furniture once all the dusty work is done.

I think I will keep plugging away at him. Hopefully he will cave eventually.

[Becaroooo]

hahahahaha Am v v sorry I am interfering with your subconcious skandi !!

Any joy on convincing dh to sell up?

[skandi1]

Flatbread. Thank you.

Lottie. If you do decide to move out of London, I know of a very nice house in north west Kent on the edge of London which will be for sale shortly (fingers crossed).

Becarooo. I had a dream about your conservatory last night. I dreamt I saw a house with a leaking conservatory and it was because there were clips missing from the filials . And in my dream I thought I must tell Becarooo. So clearly I win the prize for being odd......

[Flatbread]

skandi your old house sounds amazing, and so does the new one (but it sounds more grown-up and a bit somber).

Lottie if you are not sure, don't do it! If you want to try living out of London, why not rent out your place and rent one in the country and see of you like it? London properties seem to the only good real estate investments at the moment, don't give it up unless you are absolutely sure!

becaroo, the farmhouse is nice, but is honestly a complete money drain. So thank god I love it because we would lose so much if we sold it. It has definitely not been a wise financial decision. Your place sounds lovely and the lake district is one of my favourite parts of the UK!

[Becaroooo]

Roll on summer skandi Thats what I keep telling myself!!! Hoping we all feel more "at home" when the sun is shining and we are sunning ourselves on our lovely gardens!

lottie In that case, unless the other house is really your dream forever house I would step back and take some thinking time...what would you do to your old house? How much would it cost? Is school catchment an issue? Commuting?

[skandi1]

Flatbread and lottie. I did think about size but not sure it's that.

Our previous house was a very new architect designed house with open tread oak staircases, mezzanine level with glass balustrades. Very elegant homage to modernism. I just loved (still love) that house. This house is an 1812 lodge house with intricate leaded windows, wood panelled lounge, vaulted ceilings and exposed beams in all bedroom.

It's just so different. I didn't think that would matter as I have lived in old houses before and always liked it.

Perhaps I am still hung up on modern architecture and wasn't ready for something ancient.

The size doesn't really worry me and we can easily keep the house warm (two boilers) obviously costly but that's all part of the fun.

I am beginning to think I just love our old place so much and I can't let go and I am going to struggle making anywhere home just now.

[londonlottie]

I agree re. London in lots of ways Becarooo - we were in a semi-rural location in Switz and I loved it, so when we found out we had to move back to the UK, I thought 'right, DEFINITELY want to sell up in London and buy a place in the country". We really enjoyed living a slower pace of life there, although to be fair it was also early days for my girls (twin 2 yr olds) so I was quite focused on looking after them. I do find now though that I'm a bit keener to get my old life back, even if only partly. Having said that, we'll only be 45-50 mins away from London by train, we're hardly moving to Cornwall...

What I hadn't factored in was that actually we love our house in London. I'd kind of forgotten that, amongst all the change and planning and considerations for What To Do. We have a big garden, backs onto a park, has lots of potential (annoyingly while we were here we never really had the cash to do any major reno work but now we'd be more able), and is in a really 'villagey' part of town with a big family atmosphere.

Sigh. I am so confused. New house also involves taking on bigger mortgage and in this climate that is always going to feel daunting.

[Becaroooo]

Its a hard one lottie Is the move to the country due to your dc?? City living is great for couples and singles IMHO but dc???? I'm not sure. I live in a semi rural area and in less than an hour we can be in the peak district national park which is great! Also a lovely park not far from where we live. Will you be near any family?

My dh did not want to move from out last house (I had wanted to move for years and despite spending ££££££'s on it never felt "right") and I moved here as it was the only house in almost 2 years of looking that dh really liked.

The house in France sounds amazing fb

I now live in a detached 4 bed (converted to 3 double bed) house with a conservatory and garage conversion. Off road parking for 3 cars and a nice south facing back garden with patio and decking area.

I should be happy shouldnt I?

I would LOVE underfloor heating...have heard it v v expensive to run though (?)

[Flatbread]

I do think big houses are harder to make home, unless you have a huge family, maids and geothermal underfloor heating

But seriously, I think it is a male thing. My dh is totally into impractical large houses and the first thing I think of is heating costs and just the feeling of never being truly warm and cozy, except in perhaps a couple of spots near the fire or the cooker.

Also moving into the country is hard. I wish there was some alternative to city, suburb and country, which blends the best of at least the first and last.

I thought I was a totally city person. And then in a fit of madness we bought an old farmhouse with acres in France, mostly because dh wanted a quiet retreat. And we planned to buy a city center flat in Edinburgh for our work and for me. But you what, I absolutely cannot stand the thought of living in a flat in the cc anymore. And dh found it hard to adjust to the farm house in France, too many wiggles and wobbles and so on.

But, I really, really love the house. It satisfies my requirements (I wanted a place with no corridors, no basement, sw facing and good views) and much more. I think the main things that make it home for me are ufh, so no cold spots, manageable size living areas where I feel cocooned, but big enough to entertain and enough bedrooms, but not too many. For what we spent, we could have bought a small chateau, and dh was very tempted. But I was absolutely firm that I was not looking for a house to impress, but a home to live in.

But that being said, if a house satisfies your dh needs, it is hard to walk away. Can you figure out what it is that you want, not what is right on paper, and see if you can incorporate that. For my dh it was losing some of the farmhouse eccentricities, and we did that, so he can feel comfortable when he is there. But to be honest, I do know that he has compromised.

[londonlottie]

skand1 - do you think the house is too big? Harder for big houses to feel homely, I think.

Wondering if I can share something with you all. We are halfway through buying a new house and I am having the most enormous panics that we are making a monumental mistake. On paper it is the 'dream' home I've always wanted, but it represents our moving from London to the country so is also a huge huge change socially/etc. The problem is that for the past two years we have been renting out our London house while living in Switzerland, so decided on the whole thing while not being back in our London house. At the weekend we temporarily decamped back to London house, after the tenants vacated it, waiting for the purchase/sale to go through which should be no more than a month. I was dreading it - this place is barely furnished, we have twin toddlers, it's on 4 storeys, thought it would feel hugely impractical and hard work and was anticipating hating every moment of being here. BUT the second we walked through the door it all felt easy, and right, and I'm just not sure we're doing the right thing. I have been lurking on this thread and am so nervous of us making a mistake because it's costing us about £50k to move in stamp duty/costs, etc - and of course once you make that move out of London it's hard to ever get back in again at the same level.

Just don't know what to do with myself and freaking out majorly!!!

[Becaroooo]

Isnt it strange?...I would have been much happier with a smaller house and garden (less cleaning and maintenance for one thing!!) but dh wanted a bigger house than our last one or he "couldnt see the point in moving".... Maybe its a man thing?

New house come on RM just round the corner from us..3 bed semi with garage...smaller than this house...what the hell is wrong with me????!!!

[skandi1]

Hi Flatbread. Yes we do get lots of sunlight in. The lounge nd playroom face due east and our windows are enormous. The kitchen diner entrance side faces due west. So there is always sun into the house. Kitchen has 5 windows e and each is circa 175cm high by 110 cm wide so massive (and so is the heating bill!!!).

Layout of house is excellent. It's 4000sqft over just two levels. So lots of good/useful size room.

As I keep saying. This house should be perfect.

Perhaps it isn't this house. Perhaps it's that I miss my old house so much that I cannot like this one? I felt our old house could have worked even with two DC but DH insisted we have more space. We had 3 bedrooms and I admit with DS arrival this summer would have been full. Also garden as tiny as we were in the middle of central London.

I well up as soon as I think of my old house and not a day goes by where I don't regret DH talking me into selling it.

Breaks my heart to think DD misses it too and I can't do anything about it.

[Flatbread]

And to add, my dh hated our current house for years, till we did some renovation work. There was something about the floor and layout that was too adhoc, and now that things are a bit more symmetrical and structured, he is happy with our home. It fits with his desire for order, which is important for him to feel comfortable and relaxed.

What I am trying to say is that what you are feeling is probably a very rational response to something about the house, and once you identify what it is, you can figure out the next steps.

[Flatbread]

skandi I know this sounds silly, but do you get lots of sunlight in your new home? My cousins moved from a smaller house to a lovely, grand home. But we all preferred the smaller house because it was bathed with sunlight and this gave it a cheerful, serene feel.

[skandi1]

Hi Becarooo.
Yes I am heart broken by DDs comments. DH doesn't believe she meant it literally. I have told him two year olds don't understand sarcasm but he is unrepentant.

I know how you feel about rightmove. I am on it every night.

It's not so much the area. It's am excellent area with everything for the DCs and good shops and parks etc etc. just can't get into the house. It doesn't feel like home almost 8 months in and after tons of work, alterations redecorations new floors etc. I fear it won't ever feel like home.

Our last house felt like home the day we got the keys after completion and it still feels like that is actually home 8 months after we sold it .

I do admit we have lots of space here. It's almost 3 times the size of old house. It's about as positive as I can get.

Glad to hear you found new sink and taps on eBay. You do seem to be making lots of progress with the house.

Meeting others who feel this way about their new homes, has made me feel better. At least I am not alone in this type of situation.

[Becaroooo]

Oh! I am so sorry skandi That must have broken your heart What did your dh say? Will he be more receptive that its your dd thats unhappy???

I still have doubts about this house...just keep seeing whats wrong with it, you know? Needs new windows at the back and new back door...more decorating...hate the kitchen...sigh.

Am just trying to make the rooms more pleasant/nicer to use atm...found a new sink and tap on e bay for the kitchen and need to save up for a new carpet for the hall, stairs and landing...

I dont feel I want to go back to my old house like you do (which must feel awful ) as I had begun to hate it there, despite the fact it was "done" IYSWIM?

The dc like it here - space wise its bigger than our old house (slightly) and has a nice garden and we are really close to a park BUT I cant help thinking we (I!!) rushed the decision. Its not really the side of the village I wanted to be (picky) and although its quiet there isnt much sense of community here...dont really know any of the neighbours yet and people seem to keep themselves to themselves.

I keep looking on rightmove (why, why???) and am pleased that no other houses I would consider have come on since November - but thats not going to be the case forever, is it? I am petrified I will see my dream house and we will be stuck here....

God, what a nightmare!

Would your dh consider NOT spending any more money on your current house and selling as it is??? Selling up and renting for a few months worked out well for us (it was a lovely converted farm building we rented in a tiny village - where I would move in a heartbeat if we could afford it!) and gave us some much needed breathing space.

People think I am mad, btw. Everyone who comes to the house loves it, even my sister who lives in a massive 3 storey 5 bed house...sigh. Very hard to explain isnt it?

x

[skandi1]

Hi Becarooo. It sounds like things are looking up for you at least a little?? I hope so anyway.

Sounds like you are really pushing on with things.

You say you want a stripy stair carpet. Well I have a brand new one which you can have . Installed by developer owner and it doesn't go with any of our stuff colour wise. Although I doubt stair carpet is reusable in the way carpets for rooms are.

Still no luck in getting DH to see my point of view re house and moving again. So am awake in the middle of the nights again scratching my head wondering what to do.

I have owned six flats and houses over the years and lived in obviously and loved them all at the time I was there. This is the first time I find myself somewhere I don't actually like and wonder how on earth I could get it so wrong.

To make matters worse, yesterday DD (2.6) came in from garden with DH and sat down in the middle of the hall and started crying and saying: "mummy I want to go home. Not this one house other house. Mummy please. Go home now.".
Now she has no idea how I feel. The house saga has never been mentioned in front of her. I have not discussed it with anyone other than DH and I suppose the whole of MN but not in RL. And there is no way she could have heard any discussion i have had with DH as we discussed at night in the lounge. So clearly she isn't keen either.

It has made me feel worse and made me regret selling our old house even more.

I obviously can't just go and buy our old house back (bloody wish I could). So I am honestly stumped as to what to do to resolve the situation.

Hope your week has started better than mine.

[Becaroooo]

pasana Gosh, that sounds rough! Glad you are happy though!

Wallpapering done in front room...its amazing how just a little bit of decorating can make such a difference! Looks fab...black and cream...classy

Have found a cheap sink and tap for the kitchen on e-bay so will sound dh out about that...def need the tap...the one here is manky to the extreme.