Anyone regretted move from state to private?

[BridesheadRegardless]

Hi, we are thinking of doing ths for our DS2.

He is 6yrs, a very young 6, in Yr2, and was not ready for school when he started.

He has been given an IEP to address his literacy which is lagging behind, but we feel the school are not sufficiently addressing this and he feels that he is the 'rubbishiest' in his class.

So, there is a local priavte school which will take him into a Yr1 class of 10 pupils and give him extra support. We will be commiting to privete ed long term by holding him back a year but I think this is the biggest help he could have and the advantage of being the oldest instaed of the youngest will be HUGE for him.

Anyone done similiar and found it's out of frying pan onto the fire? Or encountered problems I haven't thought of?

All opinions and advice greatfully received.

[BridesheadRegardless]

marriedtoagoodun my DS is also friends with many year one pupils currently. many of the boys in his class seem much more mature and street wise, whereas he is still rather babyish, and adorable with it!!

I am very confident that he will at least at an average level if not above in a Yr1 class.

[snorkie]

Being 2 months older isn't the problem as such. It's being 2 months older in a system that usually has rigid cut-off dates that causes the problem. He will notice and question it at some stage, as will his friends and their parents (I forgot to mention that I've had a few snide comments from them over the years).

"He would only be 'too old' for the team for the last month of the term." Not true. The 31 Aug cut-off applies to team sports, athletics, swimming etc. in many cases. Not for inter-school friendlies, but for some competitions. Dd has twice been chosen for a team & then told she can't play as she's too old which has upset her a lot. Of course they usually want to field the same team for the friendlies as for the tournaments, so you end up missing out there too sometimes. She's also been unable to enter other events with her peers due to her age.

[bran]

My friend did this with her son last year. She pulled him out of reception in a state school and he went to a private school mid-year and then repeated reception. She reckons it has made all the difference to him, he is much happier and more confident.

While I can see that some might think you might encounter problems in the future by being out of year, I think that it is better to sort things out as best you can now so that he has a solid foundation of learning. Then if he has to move back to the 'correct' year for secondary at least he will have a firm grasp of his primary education, even if he has to miss year 6. If he stays in year but always struggles then that isn't a great basis for starting secondary school.

I don't really understand why the age guidelines are so arbitrary and strict. As far as I can see the only advantage is an administrative one and I wouldn't hesitate to put my child's welfare above the govt's administrative convenience.

[SE13Mummy]

It is a shame in so many ways that children can't start school in Reception regardless of their age - I have a friend in Australia whose daughter was 6 in October and will start in their equivalent of Reception next week along with 8 other 6-year-olds whose parents felt they weren't ready for school.

Apart from moving to Scotland or Australia it does perhaps seem as though going private may be your best bet but I'd still advocate exploring a few of the local state schools, especially the ones that aren't 'outstanding' as you may well find they are more imaginative when it comes to grouping children and supporting them. Although your son probably doesn't need intervention from the LA he may well be someone who would benefit from some of the catch-up programmes that we offer in state schools.

[BridesheadRegardless]

A totally disproportionate of referrals to Ed Psychs are for summer born boys.

Do we really think these children have more underlying learning diffiuclties? Or do we think the system puts them at an unfair disadvanatge thereby causing diffiuclties?

Alot of those children proably don't need an Ed Psych, what they need is a bit more time at the start of their eduaction, and to be working within a peer group at the same developmental level, rather than a peer group created by an arbitary administrative cut off date.

Private is only better in this case imo, because it allows this much needed flexibility whereas the state sector, where I am at least, will not.

I am suprised how wedded people are to the septmeber date setting cut off, and the belief that if you allow a little flexibility on this it will be damaging to children.

On the contrary I think our system of no flexibility is what is danaging many children.

If the state sector offered some flexibilty then I wouldn't go private.

[BridesheadRegardless]

'He will notice and question it at some stage', but I think that stage is probably a long way off and will probably be when he can understand it.

and as I've said if he's happy acadenically and socially, then i don't think the few months older will be a huge damaging revelation.

In fact I will explain it to him eventaully as I have here, and I'm hopeful it will make sense.

[smee]

Sounds like you've made up your mind brideshead. Good luck - I really hope it works for him. Am sure it will.

[snorkie]

I don't think most people agree with the system, but given that we do have this system in place they recognise that it sometimes causes more problems evading it than working within it.

I'm not saying don't do it - there are advantages, but don't be blinkered to the disadvantages either and don't think it is the only possible way forward.

[SE13Mummy]

I don't think him being the oldest in the class will matter one iota if he's happy and doing well. Someone has to be the oldest (although as the teacher I like to claim that position in my classes!).

If the private school is what he needs then send him there, but be wary of being taken in by flexibility in this one area necessarily being transferred to others (although I'm sure you won't having already had your fingers burnt by choosing an outstanding school).

[snorkie]

x-posts here too. I hope so too Brideshead, it may be the case, but other people's children and their parents are unpredictable about how they will react & what they will say when they realise he is oldest and you need to have a back up plan of how to handle it if it comes out in a less than ideal way sooner than you would have preferred.

[Lymond]

This is such a common thing in many independent schools Brideshead - you are really not alone in wanting to rebel against the spurious cut off date, and it is one of the strengths of what an independent education can offer. There is no stigma attached to this decision.

It sounds to me like you're totally doing the right thing.. with the caveat of first getting the schools sdvice on senior admissions in your area.

[BridesheadRegardless]

I know the system may cause us difficulties with this, and I wnat to be aware of all those potentials.

I haven't made my mind up actaully, but i just disgaree with many comments on the thread about the damage of being older, as I think it is more damaging to be always struggling.

Comments about LA agencies, also irratate, as he is just young and doesn't have learning diffiucltues, unless placed in situation where he imaturaty places him at a disadvantage, then 'voila' he has learning diffiuclties.

I know my son, I know his levels, I know he would do well in a class paced at a Year 1 level and I know he will struggle in a class constantly paced above this level.

I also know and want to consider how opting out of the rigid system may cuase us difiuclties.

[BridesheadRegardless]

Information about sports and other parents is useful Snorkie, and something to obviously consider, but on balance not enough to outweigh the potential benefits as I see them at present.

[PollyTechnique]

You sound as though you've thought it through and know what's best for your son.

Two points to add to what has already been said.

Because private schools often work at a more advanced level than state in order to "prep" children for the 11+/Common Entrance/private secondary school exams, find out exactly what level many of the children in yr 1 are working it.

My dd was working a year ahead all the time, which could defeat the object of what you're trying to achieve.

Also, it's worth thoroughly investigating what the private school has to offer re additional support and not just taking it at face value.

Find out the nuts and bolts of what is actually offered. Talk to other parents to get the inside track. Sometimes reality doesn't match the advertising spiel, unfortunately.

On a positive note, my dd's class of 12 did wonders for her self-esteem in terms of her finding ways to shine.

Best of luck.

[kitkat1967]

Hi,

My DD has a mid-August birthday and I did not want here to start school at 4 years and 1 week old however the only alternative I was offered was to keep her at home for a year then straight into yr 1 (she was also quite prem).
She really struggled for several yrs and it was not until year 3 that she caught up. But when she did catch up it was not just a bit it was from the bottom group to the top of the top group (in all subjects) - so what I'm saying is remember it takes time to catch up if you have a summer birthday. I think most teachers would say it takes at least until the end of yr 2.
I do know however how hearbreaking it is when your child knows they are not getting the 'proper' work. We knew DD was bright but went through long periods of wondering if she would ever demonstrate that at school. We also put in loads of extra time reading and writing with her - through all the holidays etc. Worth it in the end but I strongly belive that she had 3 years of upset that would have been completely removed if this country had a more flexible approach to school start days.
On the plus side now she is doing so well we always add 'and you're the youngest!!'.

[MollieO]

Ds is in year 1 at a non-selective pre-prep school and has recently been diagnosed with learning difficulties. He is one of the youngest in the year but his LDs are more likely the result of being a prem.

Compared to his friends in state school he is working at a higher level and the school has higher expectations. There is more support (his LDs probably wouldn't have been diagnosed until yr 3 if he was at state school) but it comes at a cost additional to the termly fees.

Has the school confirmed his ability range is within the year 1 cohort? Ime there would be nothing worse than moving him back a year only to find he is still struggling.

No idea about yr 2 but I can say that in yr 1 there is a huge ability range which I assume will continue when they get into yr 2. If he will get the extra support as well as the smaller class size then I would think about keeping him in his peer group.

[MollieO]

The other thing to consider is the complete lack of LEA support to pupils of private schools. Our LEA has made it very clear that they will have no involvement with ds in terms of Ed Psych or other support because he is at private school. Fortunately ds's GP is absolutely fab and will ensure that ds gets the same support only via the NHS rather than the LEA.

[Merrylegs]

I would just be wary of letting your frustrations with his current school lead you into making a decision which could have a greater impact on his schooling later on when, as others have pointed out, it is very likely he will catch up.

It may be the school that is wrong for him. One with a more nurturing atmosphere, smaller classes and more time for individual attention may be what you are really looking for.

[Butterfly99]

I would be really wary of doing what you are suggesting. My summer born ds had an IEP and educational psychologist referral from reception. In yr 3 he suddenly made huge progress and has continued to do so, is now in yr 6 in top set for english and predicted to get a level 5 in his sats. With my ds I think it was about maturity.
Also I have friends with children at the local private school. They is a lot more pressure to achieve well academically and as has been pointed out, they may well be working at a higher level. Also he may start at the same level but may not be able to keep up with them. We also have kids at our school who have transferred from the pre prep because of lack of support with special needs.

[sprat1]

I have come across a few people who moved their DC from state to private. One lot completyely delighted. DS went from bottom in state year 2 to middle in private year3 . The fact he was no longer bottom did wonders for him. He did not drop back a year. The other 3 all moved to the same school.All found their children still struggled in the same way as at their previous schools. One lot feel they have to tutor all the time to keep pace and all say its not what it was cracked up to be. As I said thats one school.
I am a September birthday but started school outside the UK. On returning to the UK (private school)I ended up being the youngest in my year always rather than the oldest. A few times (when we moved house hence changed schools) it was suggested I join the correct year. I was very resisteant as I loved being the youngest.
My DS1 has special needs and as he is summer born we were offered back yearing him. I am glad we didnt as although he is fairly bright he is slow. If he had been in the year below he would still be slow and still not in the top groups. He would have been a year behind and still not one of the brightest. At least now we can say. You are one of the youngest

[BridesheadRegardless]

Butterfly I think it is about maturity with my son also.

Another possible option is to put him into priavte in a Yr 1 class so he can have an extra year in infants in small classes to boost his basic skills and then in the juniors look to move move him if/when appropriate back to his year group.

The private school have suggested this as an option. I am unsure how much 'missing' a year in juniors would have a nagetive impact versus the benefit of gaining the extra year in infants?

I imagine maths would be potentially the most effectded area as it is the most progressive, whereas once you can read you can read IYSWIM?

[Laine4kids]

another point for you to consider,friends.I'd urge you not to underestimate the impact unhappiness can have on a childs education.
My dd2 was perfectly happy at her state primary,we moved and the local good primary did not have a space for her.We put her in a local small private school with 13 in her class and thought she would flourish.she struggled to fit in and after 5 months has made no progress,in fact now has low confidence and thinks she's an "idiot".
she was average or above before and I think it's mostly due to lack of friends.2 girls left at christmas leaving only 3 to make friends from which is hard even for my sociable little girl(yr4).
we are now considering appealing for a place at the local primary.
these are hard decisions with no garuntees.
My dd2's happiness is just as important as her education.
BTW,I agree about flexible start dates ,that would be ideal.
good luck.

[BridesheadRegardless]

They are hard decisions with no gurantees. I am in turmoil at the moment not knwoing what will be best for him.

This turmoil has been increased as one of the two private secondaries he could go to has said that at 11yrs it is academically selective so no gurantee he would get in there if held back after a year.

It's impossible to know and predict about friendships isn't it? he has friends at the moment but a small group as he is so much more immature than many of the boys in his class.

We have mentioned a possible move to him and he is quite enthusiastic saying 'i think I'll have a look'. I asked if he'd be sad and he said 'a bit nervous and a bit excited.'He also asked what the lunches would be like.

[stoppingat3]

Brideshead, I can't add a huge amount to what's above but thought I would give you my story.
We moved DS1 to private in year 3 (for prep) we took the decision that all three DC's would go then. At the time we thought "its not worth it financially for cutting and sticking"
However DS2 had a speech problem that his lovely village state school were not addressing. He therefore moved at the start of year 1.
He has never looked back, they have been brilliant in so many ways that a state school just couldn't. Its wrong that the state system is not geared up to the same extent but it is true that you get what you pay for unfortunately.
We now realise that we were so so wrong about pre prep. So much so that DD is now going to go straight into reception.
I will say however that the world of private is so attractive that it does become hard to consider taking them out.
I wish you all the best.

[PollyParanoia]

The thing is, surely, that there has to be a cut-off date, however arbitrary. If not then you'd have wider than one year gulfs between the oldest and the youngest. You say what would it matter than your son would be two months older than the the oldest kids in his year, but he'd actually be 14 months older than the summer borns which seems very unfair on those little ones. I know they're not your children so it's not your problem but how would you feel if your ds currently had kids who were 14 or 15 months older than him. I know everyone on these boards talks big about flexible start dates but as I far as I can see this would only make the age gulfs bigger.
I speak as a child born in the last week of august. In no way did I shine in primary school but by a couple of years into secondary I was one of the brightest and by the end of sixth form I was into Oxford and by the end of Oxford I had a first. My gsce results (let alone any tests at 11) would never have predicted this, but I peaked at the right time. Your son may well be the same. I know it's hard on his self esteem but it can be elevating to have to work hard to catch up with your peers. And they are his peers in the way that those in the year below aren't.