To wonder if I’d be holding my kids back if they went to a primary state school....

[Eesha]

Just needing a bit of reassurance here so bear with me. My kids are very small and I’d always hoped we would get into a decent state school when they reached school age. However I have a relative who has always gone private, her kids are in a very expensive nursery and school. I do feel a sense of envy as she has a lot of family support. Out of noseyness, I checked what was on offer there at the schools and there seemed to be so many activities etc offered, thought at a very high cost. I could probably work and remortgage and pay similar fees but will be a bit of a stretch and more pressure. I’m a single mum who has taken a career break to be with my children, and am lucky I can afford to do this. I guess I worry that by not pushing myself hard, my kids may be at a disadvantage because they wouldn’t then benefit from all these classes etc.

[Yura]

@reluctantbrit The point i was trying to make is that there is a subgroup if children really benefitting from small schools. they do exist in state school sector as well, so its more about the type of school than private/non private ;) in our case its private as we can't really move, others go to a more rural primary school (a friend's child has 20 children in reception, but they luce rurally

[SailOnSea]

@Yura I do agree there are small state schools especially as you move more rurally but they tend to have big funding problems. Small numbers in a state school has big repercussions for their budget. I think as more and more funding cuts come toll out the difference between state and private will become more stark.

Private vs State gets a lot of press but really children from an advantaged background benefit from that advantage before birth. Their mothers are less stressed. They eat a better more varied higher quality diet. They can afford help with things like cleaning. They are more educated themselves and nd to use more words with their children etc. If we want to stamp out inequality we need to properly fund state schools yes but we also need to start with help and resources much sooner.

[smerlin]

At the end of the day you can either afford the fees or you can't so no point feeling bad about it! For what it's worth, I have taught in state secondary and independent senior schools and I do think there is a difference, in the areas I have worked in at least, as inner city. The state schools had shocking behaviour standards and bright kids would sometimes end up in classes where they simply couldn't learn at the most disruptive child was in that class too and the teacher spent all their time managing them. Not at all the same in the independent school- you still get plenty of kids pushing boundaries but not to the same extreme and in the same quantities. I should stress I have only ever worked in inner London though so a very small snapshot of what is on offer across the U.K.

The other noticeable difference is in how well-rounded you become. As you can see from this thread, lots of parents, probably most, who send their children to state school take them to lots of fantastic activities as well. Sadly in my case (went to a state grammar) this was not the case. Few activities available at school and parents too busy/poor/exhausted to take me to anything which I feel was a big loss. Some of our parents paying fees are working so hard to make ends meet but at least the school takes care of all possible activities their child could dream of. 99% included in fees, only one to one music tuition is chargeable.

Fees are becoming astronomical due to inflation but actually if anything we see more and more people wanting to send their children private who haven't been through private education themselves and this is a 'first' for their family. A fair number do take fees from house equity I understand.