Double barrelled surname - teacher's opinions please

[stickygotstuck]

I'd appreciate some perspective on this, because both DH and I are getting quite annoyed about this now.

My DD has a double-barrelled surname. It's long. That's one of the reasons she doesn't have a middle name and her first name is very short. Let's call her Sticky Got-Stuck.

She started school in September. On her school books her surname was misspelled (say Sticky Gott-Stuck). We corrected that. It keeps cropping up misspelled. We don't want to be a nuisance so haven't pointed it out again, but felt we'd have to at some point soon. Then last week she brought a new book where the order was reversed to Sticky Stuck-Got. (Just why? ).

I spoke to her teacher on Friday, and when I politely pointed out that it has been spelled in many different ways, could we please stick to the one version, she asked me "How would you like it, just 'Got' then?". I replied "No, just spelled correctly". I started to explain that DD is learning to spell her name properly and she is getting confused with so many versions. And she cut me off saying "well, yes, it's very long isn't it?".

I came away feeling patronised and with the distinctive feeling that it inconveniences her.

So any teachers with any strong opinions/extensive experience out there? Does it really make your life difficult?

I will just point out that one of her classmates also has a double-barrelled surname (athough much shorter) and this has never been an issue for them.

[stickygotstuck]

Thanks for the support, it helps that you all think that I am not being OTT about it

You know what, I have given up going in and talking things nicely, softly and in a polite manner. I can be just as polite in writing, much firmer and much less aggravated. They are getting a letter beginning with "As previously discussed on (date)" with (name)..." They'll get endless variations of that until it's sorted.

Not sure about sending a copy of the birth certificate. They can spell it all right by now, I'm sure (DD is 4 can she can FGS), they just choose to abbreviate it, I am convinced now. I wouldn't mind too much if I was sure it's OK in their system and they asked me 'Ms. Got-Stuck, we are finding it a bit of a faff having to write LittleSticky's full name everywhere (although I really can't see why they would), would you mind if for everyday class stuff we shortened it a bit?'. But that not being the case, I will insist that it's written propery in every single excercise book and letter she brings home.

I really have much better things to do with the little energy I have, so I'll turn it into an automatic response: they send the wrong name, they get a letter.

[nickeldonkeyonadustyroad]

send that letter back wth a note attached saying "this isn't my daughter, I can only assume that you've sent another child's letter to us. Please could you send us a copy of the letter for Sticky Got-Stuck, so we don't miss out?
thank you"

[nikki1391]

My daughter starts school I'm sept and has a double barrell surname. It's long (16 letters) and already it seems to get shortened alot especially when she's called or addressed at the doctors. My name is common and her dads is a 9 letter uncommon french name. Using the same amount of syllables and letters her real name her name for example is Emilie Russell-Deschamps. Her name tends to get shortened to Emilie Russell. I think in order to make life easier for everyone when she starts school I am going to request that she's known as Emilie Russell. Her dad said we could shorten it officially as he doesn't mind but I think it would be too much hassle right now and I'd rather let her decide when she's older. I work in a nursery and out of 15 kids there's 3 with double surnames...I along with the other staff knew their names off by heart very quickly and we never drop or rearrange them..In the beginning if we were unsure we would look at their file. I think it's quite rude to not make an effort to learn children's name

[Dukketeater]

I have a 3 letter surname... People have always got it wrong :(

[Nonie241419]

I've had several chn with db names in classes I've taught. It's never been a problem and I'm always careful to check and double check spelling. I'd be mortified if a parent had to pull me up for misspelling their child's name.
Having said that, as a parent I have a similar problem. My DC1 has a long first name, and we use a less common diminutive for it, say Ned instead of Ed for Edward. Since he was in Year 2, he has been coming home with things labelled 'Ed' instead of 'Ned'. I've told them countless times, but they still do it. DC1 even answers to 'Ed' at school now, even though he knows it's not his name (and as he has Aspergers, it bothers him a fair bit). I don't know why three successive teachers at his school don't think it's important, when I would be all over that if it happened at my school.

[kickassangel]

I'm a teacher and I think it is endlessly rude not to use the name that you should. I have a problem when the child (in my case teen) wants a variation from the name that parents use, but I would never make a unilateral decision to change the student's name due to my own laziness.

I would put it in writing, very firmly, and do so every time, even raising it with the headteacher. It's deeply disrespectful not to call a person by their name. What else about your dd does she feel like changing? She wouldn't do her hair differently, or change her clothes or give her a different lunch, so why on earth would she change her name? I have known some teachers who have a 'thing' about double barrelled names (either that they're pretentious mc wannabes or unmarried parents/blended families) but wtf does it have to do with the teacher? The child's name is a fact, not a matter of opinion up for debate. It's a crappy attitude to have.

Feel free to complain long and loud.

[ihatehousework2]

Hope you get your spelling error sorted Stickygotstuck. Can I ask why do people get double barrelled names? Is it tradition? Can you shed some light on it for me?
I have a friend who did it when she got married but I didn't know/ understand why. I also thought the names were never your ordinary names which got put together like Smith- Jones. DH asks what happens when you marry someone who already has one?!

[Bonsoir]

My DD also has a double-barrelled surname - it means that either DP or I can cross international borders with her on our own without requiring additional paperwork beyond passports - and we have had a couple of instances of teachers refusing to use her second (my) surname. I find it outrageously rude!

[spanieleyes]

I have a girl in my class with a double barrelled first name and a double barrelled surname. Each element of the name also has the potential for errors ( think single/doubled letters, i and e an odd way round, y's and ie's etc) so it means I have to take extra care to ensure I get it right! There is no excuse for spelling a child's name incorrectly and complaining seems to be the only way forward.
(

[hiccupgirl]

My last name only has 5 letters but is consistently spelt wrong because there are 2 more common ways of spelling it. This together with the fact that DH has a long last name is one of the reasons why we didn't DB DS's last name - he just has his dad's name. He does though have a name that is commonly shortened like Joseph and Joe and we call him by the short version. I have written all over his school admission form that he is known by the short name not the long one which is his official name.

I would keep reminding the school how your daughter's name is spelt and written but unfortunately it is just one of those things you and your DD are going to come across as she grows up. It's not because people think it's ok to 'walk over' her just some people are lazier than others with names or find remembering names and spellings of them harder than other people. You may also find that your DD decides to call herself something different or shorten her name when she ' solder if she gets tired of always correcting other people.

[xplodem]

Teacher. Get it right. Point the teacher in the direction of this site

[MidniteScribbler]

You don't mess with a child's name, end of.

But please, parents if your child is name Robert, and only answer to Johnny, then please, please write that on your application under the 'Preferred Name" section, don't wait to tell me until after I've spent days laminating labels and making stickers.

[KingscoteStaff]

Agree that once a mis-spelled or mis-ordered name is in the system it is very hard to eradicate it.

Not to mention the year I had an Ali Hassan and a Hassan Ali in my class.

BUT it is only courteous to get it right.

[manchestermummy]

For some reason DD1's teachers this year and last year spelled her name wrong by adding extra letters (say the name's Kate but the teachers changed it to Katie) until at similar points each year (November in both cases!) the teachers said "We've been getting your name wrong, haven't we!". DD1 has been too polite up til now to correct them before! It is annoying her now though, as it absolutely should: there is only one of her in a year group of 66.

[HeyN0nny]

This thread's a few months old now...

[spanish11]

My dd has two names and three surnames.

[jamdonut]

I'm a TA. Of course names should be spelled correctly,but,can I just say sometimes long names (first and/or last names) can be an absolute pain for things like drawer labels and coat pegs,even book labels! Some children we do abbreviate,but only if we know parents don't mind. Usually they don't ! Official things ,though,like certificates,etc will have the correct form on it.

Sometimes,when you are in a hurry,the correct spellings of names don't always come to mind...I'm thinking names like Tegan,Teagan,Kaden,Kayden,Kayleigh,Kailee,Selina,Selena,Elizabeth,Elisabeth,Connor,Conor,Konnor, Zac,Zak,Destiny,Destinee,Trinity,Triniti Emily,Emillie Emma-Leigh,Tyler,Tyla,Tiler,Ellie....which one?..there are dozens,just like Joshua!...Nicole. One set of parents likes "NiCOAL", another likes "NiCOLL". Tallulah or Talullah? My default is the first one - blame Bugsy Malone.

I only point this out because it is a minefield and sometimes mistakes occur...it doesn't necessarily mean disrespect to your choices!

My own surname often gets mispelled,especially on official documents. Its short and phonetically easy to spell,but apparently many databases can't distinguish between ck and cK in the middle of my surname, so I often get the latter,and it is not changeable!! Infuriating!!!

[GoblinLittleOwl]

Yes you should complain and keep pointing it out, because frequently names are mis-spelt on records emanating from the Office, and carry on being so throughout the school, and can lead to a child's records being wrongly filed
ps: barrelled, Fuzzymum.

[abbiefield]

I know this problem. All my life and especially in school I had it. My D -B name was my parents. However, one part of it was a " common" name ( as in Smith or Jones etc) hence my parents D -B'd it. I had endless trouble with the school shortening it to just "Smith"

I also had a "common" first name ( thanks mum!). It felt like half my class sharedmy first name. In reality therewere four in the class with that name. However, one also had my last name ( that is the " Smith" part). I was constantly confused with this girl and no teacher ever made an apology for it or in many instances got anything about me right.

In the end ( when I was 16 and changed schools) I took the hyphen out and made the B spell it in full and pronounce it in full. ( lets day for example my name was Gold - Smith - I made it Goldsmith) It wasnt exactly a difficult name.

A childs name is important. It defines them . Being defined or mispelled or whatever is not just rude , it lowers self esteem. I should know, I have been there.

When I married I got shot of my D-B name and took my DH's name. However, his name is an old English one and sounds "foreign" Its often mis spelled and mis pronounced . BUT I am on the case with the school for my DC and they dare not make a mistake. I have had the argument and made them realise it is not on. OK, hard feelings all round ( and I may well be moving my DC out shortly as a result , but they got the message)

Tell them. It is important.

[abbiefield]

BTW, no one has said this but I will. I have found that some teachers are funny about D -B names because they see them as "posh" and they dont like that. Its a form of inverted snobbery. It still goes on I think.

It was certainly at the bottom of why I was never accordedmy proper name and I think the " middle classness" of my DH's/DC's name is also causing the same problems now.

I know it is not PC to say this but I will.

[clam]

"I know it is not PC to say this"

I don't know about 'not PC,' but it's certainly bollocks! How on earth can you band the political leanings of an entire profession of disparate human beings like that?

[abbiefield]

Mainly because teachers are not a disparate group in my experience.

[KingscoteStaff]

Double-barrelled surnames in our school bear no relation to how 'posh' the children are. In nearly every case they are created by unmarried parents giving their children both surnames. I have one child with 3 syllables in each 'barrell' - think 'Robinson-Scudamore' - but the only problem that made was a decision whether to go with a bigger sticker on his books or to reduce him to an 8 point font on the normal sized ones!

[mrz]

So no teachers have double barrelled surnames? and double barrelled names are the sole domain of the middle classes? I teach in an area of high deprivation and many pupils have double barrelled surnames

A name is a name and we try to get them right regardless of how many hyphens. It isn't acceptable to choose to change a child's name.