Double barrelled surname - teacher's opinions please

[stickygotstuck]

I'd appreciate some perspective on this, because both DH and I are getting quite annoyed about this now.

My DD has a double-barrelled surname. It's long. That's one of the reasons she doesn't have a middle name and her first name is very short. Let's call her Sticky Got-Stuck.

She started school in September. On her school books her surname was misspelled (say Sticky Gott-Stuck). We corrected that. It keeps cropping up misspelled. We don't want to be a nuisance so haven't pointed it out again, but felt we'd have to at some point soon. Then last week she brought a new book where the order was reversed to Sticky Stuck-Got. (Just why? ).

I spoke to her teacher on Friday, and when I politely pointed out that it has been spelled in many different ways, could we please stick to the one version, she asked me "How would you like it, just 'Got' then?". I replied "No, just spelled correctly". I started to explain that DD is learning to spell her name properly and she is getting confused with so many versions. And she cut me off saying "well, yes, it's very long isn't it?".

I came away feeling patronised and with the distinctive feeling that it inconveniences her.

So any teachers with any strong opinions/extensive experience out there? Does it really make your life difficult?

I will just point out that one of her classmates also has a double-barrelled surname (athough much shorter) and this has never been an issue for them.

[motherinferior]

I have a really quite difficult to spell (for English people, and I live in England) Swedish surname. The Inferiorettes have this surname, plus Mr Inferior's not uncommon but curiously frequently misspelled Bengali surname, non-hyphenated.

Fortunately we live in a bit of London where complicated surnames are The Norm, and the main mistake people make is to hyphen them (and leave out my umlaut, which I personally find maddening but the Inferiorettes don't mind).

[Quenna]

Lots of issues here. Of course everyone should have their name spelt correctly, that's a given. Sometimes though the school software (SIMS) is entirely rubbish and transposes the fields and so teachers can end with a list that is wrong (no excuse, but do check the official record with the office). Or human error of course on the input, might have occurred.

Our family surname is a common first name... It would often get put first and led to our DCs being called (for example) 'Henry Alexander' instead of 'Alexander Henry.'

Also hyphens or not, can mean the name gets distributed into two fields instead of one, etc. also lots of school software is confused by accents, umlauts, etc.

But given you have pointed this out lots of times, of course you aren't being U.

It's really important that you get the official record correct..it follows your child throughout their school life with their UPN (pupil number) and come official exams etc it really must match their birth cert. and/or any name change document.

[motherinferior]

It's 2013. I live in south east London. Software that gets itself into a tizz over forrin names is software that is really not up to the job.

[MummytoMog]

We have a double barrelled surname. It is DH's, not a combination of our two surnames, and it has no hyphen. The endless misery of explaining it to people, ermahgahd. DD generally just gets the first part of it, as does DS at nursery, and it's irritating, but we tend to just let it be. Although I get really quite cross when people shove a hyphen in there. There is no hyphen. There is a reason for there being no hyphen. Take your fcuking hyphen and shove it up your ampersand.

I already have quite an antagonistic relationship with the school, which kind of works for me, and while I would be fuming over the attitude of the teacher, I don't think I'd worry to much about the surname issue itself.

[Quenna]

Tell me about it! Used to work in a school. You woudnt believe the hassle that SIMS can be. And no we don't get a choice to use it or not...if you want to work electronically in the education world it's the main system. (Eg really impossible to upload results to the DFE if you don't use SIMs etc etc).

Might be better now, this was a couple of years ago.

[Quenna]

That was to mother inferior, sorry.

I agree it's useless but I've seen it happen lots and lots of times...

[nickeldonkeyonadustyroad]

it's not because t's a long name.

believe me.
it's because they've spelled it wrong and are being U because you've pointed it out.

my surname is one syllable and three letters long. it's spelled exactly how it sounds, D O N.
not nn, not dunn, not done, not dan, dann, dawn or donne, but Don.

hardly anyone ever gets it righht.
like someone said up there, i correct it when it's important, but ignore when it's not.
delivery men, not important, restaurant reservations, not important. school, work, church etc, important.
correct it and make sure it's correct at the school office, too, or it will always be wrong.

[kimlo]

dd2 has a double barreled surname and a first name that she doesn't use the school can still get her name right!

The only time they didn't it was obviously because the register had been used to make a list not long after she had started so it was her full name. The teacher came and apologised. She has a very long name 19 letters not including her middle name

[juniper9]

I'm a teacher and I've just commited the heinous crime of naming my DD a stupidly long name. Her surname is my partner's then mine, so all in all it's 19 letters, including the space We went for a short first name too!

I will be mightily pissed off if my surname gets dropped from it at school. It's incredibly rude of the teacher. Saying that, I've had children in my class with really long, complicated surnames which I never learnt off by heart.

Who does the books? Is it not the TA?

[juniper9]

We've also discovered, since naming her, that DD's first name is frequently mispronounced. I didn't realise it was a hard name to say!

Poor baby. She's going to be so angry with me when she's older!

[mummy1973]

Get you dd some nice big stickers with the correct name and stick them over the offending incorrect name! My dd has 2 names that are frequently misspelt and she now corrects it herself and loudly tells anyone who has spelt it wrong.

[SantasSisterdoesallthepresents]

I would repeatedly send notes to the teacher with the incorrect spelling of her name - change Jones to Gines or whatever. Then, sweetly point out that her name is too short / long / has too many vowels etc.

[RiversideMum]

School should not be spelling your child's name incorrectly. End of. I have 3 DB surnames in my class. It does muck up the fonts when you need to do labels! Not such a fan of DB first names though ...

[teacherwith2kids]

I routinely get my surname mis-spelled (it is a common word, but tricky to spell), by parents, my pupils and occasionally my colleagues. I am also frequently un-married by parents and children ... and for all these reasons I don't use my 'proper' title [I have a PhD] in my school name.

I do my very best not to mis-spell names. I do muddle names up verbally, especially when I am very tired. I, like the parents and children who mis-spell my name, am human.

[stickygotstuck]

MummytoMog, I don't want to have an antagonistic relationship with the school (only been there since last September) but it looks like that's the way it's going. I was a bit at being asked 'How would I like it spelt?' When I answered ' Well, correctly' I think the teacher wasn't pleased. Tough! (shrugs)

We have already crossed out and corrected it a number of times, and DD's stuff is plastered in stickers with her first name plus initials - in the right order. We already had to point it out at the settling in sessions last summer before she even started at the school. Oh dear, it willl always be wrong, won't it?

The funny thing is, I put a note in her book about it on Friday after the latest variation appeared and I thought I'd mention it to the teacher casually at dropoff at the same time to avoid making it into a big deal. I really wanted to check whether it was an in-class mistake by new/part time staff, and wether the actual records were OK, to see if it would be worth going to the office about it. From now on, it will all be in writing I think.

Like a previous poster said, the wrong name in her official school records can be a total headache later on in life.

[storynanny]

It is unacceptable. They should be getting it right every time. Do check in the office that they have the correct version.
Correct them every time they get it wrong.
As a teacher and a parent I feel strongly that there is no excuse for the school getting it wrong.

[IHaveSeenMyHat]

Wow, this is ridiculous. Three names: how difficult can it be to get them in the right bloody order?

Surely there must be plenty of kids with double barrelled first names, do you suppose they get them wrong too?

[mammadiggingdeep]

I teach at a school with no British surnames. Not one. Algerian, Bengali, Somalian, Ethiopian, Sri Lankan etc etc. some first names are complicated spellings let alone surnames too. However, if we mis- spell a name the head teacher really frowns upon it. Her point being that the least we can do is spell a pupils name correctly!

It is incredibly rude of the teacher and a really makes her seem quite dim actually. I wouldn't make allowances. This is dd's name please can you ensure at all times it's sorry correctly. A letter to the office and a letter to the teacher. Ffs, it can't be THAT complicated a name can it??

[stickygotstuck]

No, it isn't that complicated at all. It is long, but not massively and really not difficult at all, not even very exotic.

I am not sure they are dim either (although that would explain things much more satisfactorily), so my best conclusion is 'deliberately awkward'. But I am reluctant to believe it. Come on, how childish would that be??

There seems to be a degree of disinterest in her (us?). The are other instances (unrelated to the name thing) where my specific instructions have not been listenened to and I had to repeat them three times in the space of two weeks, and DD seems to have been overlooked on several occasions.

You could say she is a 'boring' child (i.e. no special issues, not a genius, not a natural performer, generally well behaved and reasonably bright). I am naturally well disposed and tend to give people the benefit of the doubt way too often for my own good but I am beginning to think this particular teacher does not like me.

I am new to the weird and wonderful world of primary school, is this kind of attitude common?

[Nonie241419]

I have a child in my class with a long double barrelled surname. I always double check the spelling before I write it, as it's half Spanish, half Irish so quite unfamiliar to me, but it's important that I get it right.
My son is an Alexander. We have always used a fairly uncommon diminutive. That was fine all the way through Nursery, Reception and Year 1. Then his Year 2 teacher started calling him Alex, and writing Alex on documents. Despite me going in a number of times, this persisted through Year 3 and now into Year 4. It's really bloody annoying!

[takingthathometomomma]

I am a training teacher (so perhaps not so qualified to answer... Yet!) and DD's surname is double barrelled. It's a bloody cheek to not bother to try and spell it properly. The hyphen is the only thing making it different to a "normal" long surname. When I was a kid a girl in my class had 16 letters in her surname, it was still always spelled correctly! It's really not hard to copy a spelling down and get it right!

[stickygotstuck]

Well, what did I tell you? Here's an update:

We got a letter today about something else. Guess who it was addressed to? Yep Sticky Got! The second part of DD's surname has been obliterated.

I am really past being surprised, I am simply quietly determined not to let this one go. How disrespectful/infantile can you be? (Deep sigh).

[ZombieSquirrel]

I'm a teacher.

Their surname is their surname. With a hyphen in the middle, with a trillion syllables or just one, when addressing or referring to them with their surname, then a teacher should use the correct one. Easier and less confusing for the child and to show interest and acknowledgement.

[storynanny]

It must be incorrect on the school system, go in today with the letter and show them the correct version on birth certificate.

[gwenniebee]

No, don't let it go - it seems to me that they are being ridiculously petty. I am a teacher, and we would be mortified if we were told we were consistently getting a child's name wrong. (I grew up with a surname that was often abbreviated - think Tompkinson but I was always called Tompkins, for example, so it is a sore subject for me personally!)

We have some children with db surnames whose parents ask just to use one of the names while the child is learning to write, so it's not such a lot to learn - I can kind of see their reasoning and of course we follow their wishes. However, you just want yours spelt properly.

Grrrr for you, as has been said upthread, if it was a name that just happened to be very difficult to spell, or of "foreign" origin, they would jolly well be expected to get it right.