Maths tutor or not

[aliasjoey]

My DD (11) has always had trouble with maths, and has had a tutor for about 18 months. Her confidence seemed to be improving. She had moved up a table at school.

Yesterday we went to my in-laws, and suddenly my FIL asked daughter what 12 x 6 was (they were writing out a cheque for something) DD panicked and started guessing. When she answered some ridiculous sum, PIL told her she was stupid. I then lost my temper with him (how fucking DARE he tell her she is stupid!) and we left shortly after.

This morning DH has emailed me to say, maybe we should stop the tutor because she is not gaining anything from it, she should be learning her tables. I'm really angry that her confidence which was just building could be destroyed like this but maybe he is right and we are wasting our money. We do practice tables as well, but I guess not enough.

Do we continue with the tutor? It's difficult to have a rational conversation with DH right now, he is cross that I lost my temper with his parents. I'm furious about the way she was talked to. And yes she is PFB and I over-reacted.

Sorry if this is long and not coherent, I'm still a bit upset.

You know some of my dd's friends[14] don't know their times tables.These are very bright girls expected to do well in their gcse's and in the top groups at school.Tables are not learned by rote these days[unlike in the past] at school and therefore it is important to practice them at home.Maybe do 1 table a week and get the tutor to test her[or maybe the tutor can set this as homework?]
I have 3 of my dc's tutored for maths for different reasons.One of mine who was very behind has just been moved up as well.But it has taken 2 years[since the age of 6].Maths seems to have suddenly clicked with him but we are still continuing.Please don't give up if you are achieving a good result.I can understand your reaction.I would have been cross.Can you not explain this to your inlaws in a tactful manner?Ignore your dh[maths is more than tables.Tutors are not there to teach rote learning but are there to teach understanding and concepts].

My FIL does similar throwing out random times tables (although he would never call my kids stupid), but I do get annoyed by it, as I feel if that was what was needed, I would be doing it! I found the best way to stop him, and take the pressure off my kids, was to answer it myself! I know it bugs FIL but I don't care!

Thank you everyone. I've talked to her teacher, and she is making good progress. You've also given me some good ideas to work with. We do practise her tables, and she can do them but under pressure I think just went blank.

I'm still at a loss though how to deal with in-laws, as we left on Sunday in a bad way. Haven't spoken to them since (DH and DD have, I can't bring myself to answer the phone) I'm embarrassed that I over-reacted. I don't know how to move on...

Re in-laws, my M-in-L told me I should "never expect my DS to do very much" because he was a feeble and premature baby ... and now he's off to uni! Rude people!