Help, sexual bullying in Y1

[Lost4anything]

My DD, age 5, told me that boys from Y2 (age 6) surrounded her and one boy told her "You are my girlfriend, baby", pulled her tights down and put his finger in her bottom "to feel inside".

Boys' parents know about this culture (before this incident) but find it cute and innocent. I spoken with the teacher and her first response was that boys deny everything.

I am having trouble moderating my reaction between taking her out of school to calling social services.

How to get the school to deal with this? In case anyone wonders, this an outstanding oversubscribed school in very leafy rural area.

What to say to DD?

[learnandsay]

Presumably she has her reasons for taking the time that she's taking.

[teacherwith2kids]

I suppose as time goes by - I can understand that she might not have wanted to contact SS over the weekend, though they do of course have emergency numbers for just such events, but not to speak to someone today is beginning to seem rather odd - I am beginning to wonder what those reasons might be? Especially as she has been back to this thread to try to broaden the debate, but not to indicate that she has addressed the core issue of her child's safety. There is also a post from admission which refers to other posts from the same poster, though I cannot find them under the same username in search.

[mrz]

Is there any good reason why a mother would hesitate to report a sexual assault on her child?

[teacherwith2kids]

Exactly, mrz.

[traintracks]

I know from previous experience at work that the police and social services will be interested, not least as to whether the instigator has been sexually abused

[jomidmum]

I think you should contact the police safeguarding team directly yourself. My DD was subjected to ongoing sexual harassment by a boy in her class in year 3 and although the school investigated (and the police were contacted) nothing positive resulted and we withdrew her from the school. If anything physical of the nature you describe had happened, I would have gone to the police myself. It can take a lot of courage to go direct yourself, but looking back at what happened with DD, I wouldn't hesitate if anything of that nature happened again.

[LineRunner]

I don't know if MNHQ will intervene but somebody needs to.

[LineRunner]

I don't know if MNHQ will intervene but somebody needs to.

[learnandsay]

What do you suggest we do?

[mrz]

www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/worried-about-a-child/the-nspcc-helpline/how-to-contact-us/how-to-contact-us_wda89787.html#

[learnandsay]

We don't know who the victim is.

[LineRunner]

I was musing on HellesBelles's post, a few up ^^ .

[ThePathanKhansWitch]

Something deeply uncomfortable and disturbing about this thread.

A child has been assaulted in a place where they should be safe.

OP has been advised brilliantly and urged to take action.

Many posters have given highly personal and upsetting details, concerning either themselves, their children/family members.

It seems OP is yet to act...

[learnandsay]

Well, we don't know what she's doing. It might have been nice if she'd said a bit more this morning rather than the school is closed because of the snow.

[FamiliesShareGerms]

OP, if you are still there...

The first duty of a parent is to keep their child safe. There are lots of other basic needs to meet too, of course, but the most fundamental one is ensuring that they are safe.

Your daughter has told you that she has been sexually assaulted. What she has described is not playground jinx or an incident to be brushed off as "cute", it is serious.

By worrying about what others might say, or delaying talking to the head because of the snow, or worrying that a school with a large traveller community might be the only other option (and that would be worse than the current school) you are delaying taking action to protect your daughter. You are failing your daughter through your inactivity.

Is this clear?

I don't often get cross with MN threads, but this inertia on your part, OP, has riled me.

I'm leaving the thread now.

[SparkleSoiree]

I have to admit that when we first discovered what had happened to DD who was 3 at the time our reaction kept veering from shock to disbelief....it kept changing by the hour...the processing of information takes time when you consider all the issues. At the beginning you do wonder if it's an over reaction on your part because it seems SO unbelieveable....this kind of thing happens to other people.....not you.

Perhaps the OP is struggling to get her head around what has happened...?

[Passthesherry]

teacherwith2kids - Oh I see. The way I read it was that even though OP hasn't directly mentioned a discussion with the school, but she referred to incidents last year, which resulted in a few talks and some measures being taken.

Presumably the HT will have been involved with that - though may not be aware of this particular incident, true enough.

Perhaps OP is in a bit of denial herself - she posted to check out her response, and the overwhelming feedback without exception has said it should be taken VERY seriously, but the advice may be even more drastic than she anticipated. She may be waiting to see the Head Teacher when school re-opens, to try and salvage some sort of future that includes her dd staying in the same school.

[tricot39]

teacherwith2kids it seems that the posts you cannot find would answer your questions. Op is waiting for school to "investigate further" but school shut for snow for 2 days. Hence delay.

Op i would also wait for school to reply but unless they report to ss and investigate fully. If not then i would call ss myself. I would keep dd off until ss investigate to your satisfaction. If there are other allegations then you will probably discover that other parents have been fobbed off.

I am sorry that you feel that you have no school choices but you should visit the other school to see it. You may find it is a safer environment for your dd even if not your ideal educational preference. If not happy still then presumably moving or home ed are the only alternatives. i dont think i could keep my child there - i am feeling a bit ill about it all on your behalf!

Good luck

[teacherwith2kids]

Ah, sorry, I was referring to admission's earlier post:

"It is not the first time from your posts that something that is sexual in nature has happened to her, so when you take it further it is almost for sure you are going to have to accept that there will be some kind of come back to you, your daughter and your family."

I had assumed - possibly incorrectly - that this referred back to earlier threads by the same poster, though I appreciate that I may have misunderstood this and that admission may purely have been referring back to similar but milder incidents in a previous school year, which the OP had mentioned earlier in the thread.

I would second the idea of looking at the other school. Sometimes schools which have more challenging intakes are actually safer places because of increased vigilance and experience of staff, while those who see themselves as 'having no problem in a school like ours' are less likely to respond in the robust fashion needed when a propblem occurs. Travellers are, in my experience as a teacher of many, very, very protective of the safety of their children when outside the family unit so any school with high trust in the traveller population is likely to be a very 'overtly safe' place.

[teacherwith2kids]

[Potential ambiguity - I mean 'a school which is held in high trust by the traveller population', ie a school which traveller familes trust and will send their children to in the belief that it will be safe.]

[steppemum]

I agree teacher, I often think tough inner city schools are much better at hadnling these sort of things as they have to be really on the ball

[snowybrrr]

' this inertia on your part, OP, has riled me.'

but the OP has raised the matter with the school.The boys all denied it and so they are investigating further (Since then the school has been closed)
.She has not done nothing!! Under safeguarding guidelines where there is an allegation of abuse the school have to report it to the appropriate agencies, they have no discretion in the matter.

[sunnyday123]

To be honest I'm starting to wonder if this is a real event.... I just can't believe the op hasn't done anything significant. Trying to engage in discussions about child sexualisation etc should not really be her priority right now. And as for discussions with the school, I don't know one parent who wouldn't have been straight on the phone to the police in this kind of incident!

I don't believe it's true that 7 sets of parents of daughters didnt think this was serious enough to contact police or social services... especially in this "leafy school environment". If it is real, it's very worrying indeed and gives insight into how abuse goes on and one for ages before anything is done about it.

can mumsnet not do some sort of trace as the thought of this happening and seemingly getting brushed aside is disgraceful.

[SparkleSoiree]

It makes me feel ill to think that someone would lie about this kind of thing, especially when I see the damage it has done to mine and other families.

I share experiences on this board in the hope that it will help others in some little way but sometimes I wonder what the point is when people start doubting the validity of someone's post.