Infant School pushing to report me to SS for neglect. Can they do that?

[pylonic]

My DD age 5.5 has had a poor lateness record since the beginning of Year 1. No excuses really, I only lived a 9 minute walk from school but we were late almost every day for at least 6 months. I had trouble sleeping but not to the point of Insomnia, just kept oversleeping through the alarm clock most times (dreaded snooze button).

She's also had some absence, genuine though, illness and doc's appointments.

Last year I was advised by letter that unless lateness improved the school would be referring us to a welfare officer.
3 months ago we had to move out of the village to a nearby town but no transfers in new town for DD so she still attends old school. Because I have had to rely on buses, we have been late again quite a few times, or other people that I have relied on to drive her in for me have been late traffic etc or there's been other logistical problems, so presumably the record isn't improving.

Today the head teacher called my Mum in for a word (I'm 44...why they need to call my Mummy I don't know), and the gist was as follows:

My children are being neglected because I have insomnia (I don't, I just needed to put some excuse down in the late book. Quite tame compared to other regularly late people's excuses), so they want to involve social services.

I have been seen in the village shop with my children buying chocolate bars. And that's it. I don't know what they mean by this? :/

My daughter has turned up without a cardigan on at least two occasions in 'extreme weather'. This constitutes neglect. But they are quick to complain if she's wearing a different colour cardigan to school because her two logo tops are in the wash.

She often has a chocolate drink in her lunchbox.

This is a very cliquey village, hence glad to have left it behind, but although the late record is admittedly quite dire, is it generally worthy of involving social services for neglect?

The head teacher and I "don't have a dialogue" she told my Mum, hence why she called her in to talk to instead.

I've only spoken to the head once, when I had to inform them about the children's father's DV past so that they do not let him take DD out of school without my permission.

I bristle under authority having come into my Catholic rebellion quite late in life, but I'm generally non-combative.

So I'm wondering what you think of my request, in that I want toask the head to write down all the concerns she has so I have it in writing, and then invite her to my home in order that she can ascertain for herself it is a proper, clean, comfortable and sustaining environment for the children.

I feel a bit Hmmmmm that she has gone 'running to my Mummy' instead of talking to me, the parent, especially considering this late book has been full of the same old, same old pupils including my sister's son, for the last couple of years, but I feel a bit singled out perhaps wrongly, I don't know, because of the whole single mother on benefits stereotype, DV background, and now they want social services to investigate the children for neglect.

The children's father also wants to play this card against me, so I'm just resigned to SS being involved in their lives anyway it's out of my control.

My DD is otherwise happy, bright, doing fine at school and paints happy pictures all the time.

Can an infant school really go down this route when there isn't actually any clear signs of any kind of neglect going on? It seems unfair to tar my DD with this brush and I'm also concerned how this is going to affect her In Year transfer to a school in our new town.

I think this is just a rant, it all seems to be out of my control. The head has a reputation for being an axe-grinder and their Ofsted isn't great for a village school. The conspiracy theorist in me is saying its all about the grades.

Hs anyone been investigated by SS before for neglect? What should I expect? Will it go against me in the forthcoming Vafcass report which their father wants to initiate too as part of his contact/custody case?

[pylonic]

I don't know, secondComing, are you the poster who recently suffered from a dreadful bout of crabs and neglected to mention it to your partner? Because unless you want to fish something relevant out of past posts, cross referencing them with only the intent of building a one-faceted image of the OP is somewhat inane.

[pylonic]

No muffin pig model pupil. Church mouse, always have been.

[ZooAnimals]

I don't understand why not being able to afford the bus fare makes her late? If you can't afford it at 8am, how can you afford it half an hour later? Does the cost of the fare drop?

I do agree that they should not have spoken to your mum though, regardless of whether the mum is on the contact list or was picking her up and therefore trusted with the child blah blah. You trust another parent to pick up your child sometimes or a childminder/nanny, family friend. You don't expect them to be called in and told this sort of thing. It was a conversation that should have been between the child's primary caregiver and the school, not anyone who turned up to collect her from school.

[Feelingood]

Plyonic

I havnt seen a post from you where you have said anything about what YOU could do, what's the point as just batting everything back with a barrier. Why did you bother posting if you are so resigned.

Schools can have Ofsted inspections triggered by poor attendance and lateness alone no matter how good they are in other areas, this is why they won't budge.

Actually you can get uniform grant, my friend got one a couple of years ago.

[pylonic]

Mrz my mother collected my daughter today. Her teacher took her to one side and asked her to grand speak to the head.

[Bajas]

And as for the school play...

The rule was there for everyone's benefit. Younger siblings can be disruptive and unsettle the children performing as well as hampering other parents in seeing their child perform.

I'm sure the other parents who called in favours from work/ friends/ family and babysitters to see their child's play were delighted to see you march in with your other dc

The world does not revolve around you. It's time to step up to the plate and consider what's best for your children and other people as well as yourself

[NorthernLurker]

4 miles is walkable assuming you're in normal health. Ok other options - can you take a cheaper bus part of the way? The A road - are there alternatives? Is there a verge? Could you walk back that way at least once with younger child in a back pack and a reflective jacket on to ensure you're seen? Because of the road will the council fund transport? Have you asked? What about school meals - can you get them free? You can if you get Income support or jobseekers or child tax credit as long as you're not getting WTC and your income does not exceed £16,190.

[Muffinpig]

Can I just ask you bluntly then, do you think it is important for your DD to be at school on time? Because I get the impression from all that you've said that you don't...

[pylonic]

Scottishmummy

The school isn't picking on me. Why would you think that? I certainly don't consider myself victimised in any way. The thread is to ask if infant school have the ability to involve social services for lateness. Clearly, they do.

[pylonic]

Mrz, there's no places available in this town, she's on an In Year Admission waiting list.

[Mynewmoniker]

I think you've just posted to have a fight. I'm out!

[AmberLeaf]

Maybe HT thinks if she contacts SS they will help speed up a place at a school closer to where you are now living?

Even when you get a closer school place though, you must overcome the lateness issue. I have found it hard in the past too, but its not nice being the child who is always late. so do it for your daughter not just cos they are telling you to!

Some of the things that were said sound a bit silly though ie buying chocolate?!

The other thing I wondered was if HT didn't actually speak to your Mum but your Mum is saying she did to put a rocket up your arse?

[Perriwinkle]

Thesecondcoming Nit eggs do not constitute grounds for neglect. FGS if they did, half the children in schools around the country would be under the watchful eye of SS! Nits do not discriminate!

[balia]

Perhaps you need to get over your catholic rebellion and grow up a bit? Getting your kid to school on time = pretty basic level of care. Expecting your most recent excuses to be listened to when you didn't manage to get her there when you lived 9 mins away is also a little immature. Moving house when concerns have been raised would have been another warning sign to SS/school, particularly if the move has not prioritised schooling. Attempting to minimise the problem by saying other people are worse is classic teenage behaviour.

Yes, it will not play well with Cafcass and if you genuinely feel that your DC is in danger from her father (otherwise why deny contact) you should make sure you aren't handing him ammunition.

[ravenAK]

It's not just about the lateness, though. That would be EWO.

They're talking about SS because they're seeing a general pattern of you not coping terribly well with your responsibilities & then being unreceptive to discussing problems with school.

You need to sort it. Seriously.

[meditrina]

Pylonic: I remember your earlier thread about in-year admissions. There are places in your new town, and you said you had been offered on (approx 1 mile from your current address) but you had turned it down.

The LEA are therefore under no obligation to come up with another offer, nor fund transport.

[thesnootyfox]

You can appeal Pylonic. The LEA have a duty to provide a school place. You currently have a school place that you can't even get to and they aren't providing you with transport.

Get on to the case and get them to provide you with a nearer school place or a taxi to school. This is how it works. You don't have to sit back and wait for a school place that may never materialise.

[Mutley77]

They should not involve your mother - unless you have given them permission to speak to her.

However if they are worried - they can refer to SS. To be honest SS probably won't be interested based on what you've said.

But I do think you could do yourself a favour by trying to get the head on side - if they don't like the chocolate milk in the lunchbox send your child with fruit juice or water (many schools have policies on this kind of thing anyway, it's not unusual), and I think you will have to try harder to get her to school on time - I feel really sorry for children who are always late as they start the day rushed and don't have a chance to settle in with their peers, they are just forced in on the spot. Not saying I am perfect or anything but DD has never been late for school and I over sleep too - and have insomnia often - but I guess my starting time is earlier than yours! Your idea of getting it all in writing and discussing it rationally with the head is a good one - plus inviting her round to your home (or asking if there is a school family liaison officer or similar to do that as the head may well not have the time to do it).

Also if there is a referral to SS on file that will definitely affect your residence case (all details will be disclosed to the Court). If there is previous DV in your family that will be on SS record and if so, it may be that Cafcass refer the case straight to SS for a report given their previous involvement. It would be a lot more sticky for you if there were concerns voiced about your care of the children.

[TunaPastaBake]

Just gets better !

[BooCanary]

Op - you almost sound like you want SS/school to investigate you. Like you want to pick a fight, or play the victim.

[CrackedNipplesSuchFun]

How much do I want a t - shirt with 'nits do not discrimnate!' on it!?

[pylonic]

Periwinkle

Yes I have considered that any investigation may work in my favour as far as waiting for the school transfer goes.

And yes, I probably have enough on my plate at the moment to constitute a little depression! Although I'm generally optimistic about life, so not exactly sure how I would self diagnose depression.

[CrackedNipplesSuchFun]

Perriwinkle please don't think I was poking fun at your comment, it's just my infantile humour. I instantly had nits in a protest march going on in my head!

[RyleDup]

Pylonic: I remember your earlier thread about in-year admissions. There are places in your new town, and you said you had been offered on (approx 1 mile from your current address) but you had turned it down

why did you turn it down?

[NorthernLurker]

You tuned down a place a mile away?

What were you thinking! Do you understand how important it is to ensure your children are educated? That by mucking aorund with this you ARE negelcting them?