Infant School pushing to report me to SS for neglect. Can they do that?

[pylonic]

My DD age 5.5 has had a poor lateness record since the beginning of Year 1. No excuses really, I only lived a 9 minute walk from school but we were late almost every day for at least 6 months. I had trouble sleeping but not to the point of Insomnia, just kept oversleeping through the alarm clock most times (dreaded snooze button).

She's also had some absence, genuine though, illness and doc's appointments.

Last year I was advised by letter that unless lateness improved the school would be referring us to a welfare officer.
3 months ago we had to move out of the village to a nearby town but no transfers in new town for DD so she still attends old school. Because I have had to rely on buses, we have been late again quite a few times, or other people that I have relied on to drive her in for me have been late traffic etc or there's been other logistical problems, so presumably the record isn't improving.

Today the head teacher called my Mum in for a word (I'm 44...why they need to call my Mummy I don't know), and the gist was as follows:

My children are being neglected because I have insomnia (I don't, I just needed to put some excuse down in the late book. Quite tame compared to other regularly late people's excuses), so they want to involve social services.

I have been seen in the village shop with my children buying chocolate bars. And that's it. I don't know what they mean by this? :/

My daughter has turned up without a cardigan on at least two occasions in 'extreme weather'. This constitutes neglect. But they are quick to complain if she's wearing a different colour cardigan to school because her two logo tops are in the wash.

She often has a chocolate drink in her lunchbox.

This is a very cliquey village, hence glad to have left it behind, but although the late record is admittedly quite dire, is it generally worthy of involving social services for neglect?

The head teacher and I "don't have a dialogue" she told my Mum, hence why she called her in to talk to instead.

I've only spoken to the head once, when I had to inform them about the children's father's DV past so that they do not let him take DD out of school without my permission.

I bristle under authority having come into my Catholic rebellion quite late in life, but I'm generally non-combative.

So I'm wondering what you think of my request, in that I want toask the head to write down all the concerns she has so I have it in writing, and then invite her to my home in order that she can ascertain for herself it is a proper, clean, comfortable and sustaining environment for the children.

I feel a bit Hmmmmm that she has gone 'running to my Mummy' instead of talking to me, the parent, especially considering this late book has been full of the same old, same old pupils including my sister's son, for the last couple of years, but I feel a bit singled out perhaps wrongly, I don't know, because of the whole single mother on benefits stereotype, DV background, and now they want social services to investigate the children for neglect.

The children's father also wants to play this card against me, so I'm just resigned to SS being involved in their lives anyway it's out of my control.

My DD is otherwise happy, bright, doing fine at school and paints happy pictures all the time.

Can an infant school really go down this route when there isn't actually any clear signs of any kind of neglect going on? It seems unfair to tar my DD with this brush and I'm also concerned how this is going to affect her In Year transfer to a school in our new town.

I think this is just a rant, it all seems to be out of my control. The head has a reputation for being an axe-grinder and their Ofsted isn't great for a village school. The conspiracy theorist in me is saying its all about the grades.

Hs anyone been investigated by SS before for neglect? What should I expect? Will it go against me in the forthcoming Vafcass report which their father wants to initiate too as part of his contact/custody case?

[cumbrialass]

I suffer from insomnia but I'm never late for school ( as a teacher it's probably just as well!)

[Muffinpig]

OP did you have a bad experience of school yourself? Your comments make me wonder why you seem anti-school and don't respect their rules/HT/think its important to attend on time. Is it because you hated school yourself?

[TunaPastaBake]

Why isn't your DD getting free school meals ? Sounds like she should = bit of money saved there on packed lunch - and stop buying the chocolate = that saves a bit too !

[Feelingood]

mynew I know thanks, just trying to be constructive.

I have also had depression and mornings used to be like wading through toffee, get to you GP as SM said, but still you need to show what steps you are taking.

[thesnootyfox]

You need to work with the school not against it. You will do yourself no favours at all in being confrontational with the Headteacher. Perhaps the teacher spoke to your mother because she thought that she would care enough to address the issue, perhaps you are giving them the impression that you don't care?

Being late is horrible for the child. We were late on about 3 or 4 occasions (less than 10 minutes) after I gave birth to second child and ds hated it, it's noticed not just by the teachers but by the other children too.

You really have got to make an effort. Write lists of everything you need to do and pin that along with a timetable on the fridge.

[RyleDup]

The council won't fund transport unless you live over a certain distance and your child attends the nearest school and they will only find it for the child not an adult

They probably will fund transport, well they would in this area anyway. I think op is now 4 miles away and is awaiting a place in a local school.

[CrackedNipplesSuchFun]

[Feelingood]

Was just about to say, think the school giving you a chance by speaking to your mum, see it as a heads up.

[vacuuming]

Let your child go in to school at a time that suits you. Let her wear whatever she wants to school. Continue blatantly flouting school policies. March around the place with a sense of entitlement picking and choosing those elements of school life you want to abide by and those you don't. Throw in a smattering of depression as it may help counter the too fucking lazy to get out of bed argument. Stand back and watch while the school rightfully involve SS and see what kind of adult your child turns out to be as the result of your example. This thread makes me

[mrz]

pylonic just to be clear did the school send for your mother or was she already there waiting to collect her grandchild when they asked her in?

[scottishmummy]

you really dont seem to take respobsibility it's not a ho-hum that's just me
you're coming across as not your problem,school picking on you etc
get your mental health looked at by gp,get your girl to school on time

[AndBingoWasHisNameOh]

You've got that record of lateness and is the first time it has been raised?

[pylonic]

Northern lurker.

We no longer live in the village. Bus fares 4 times a day drop off, go,home, come back, pick up, go home again. It amounted to nearly £150 a month.

[LIZS]

Have they addressed any of these issues direct with you in the past or invited you in for a chat? Parents' evening perhaps ?

[mrz]

Have you considered a school closer to home

[Aspiemum2]

I did think that was odd too bingo, I was laid up for a week and unable to do the school run so relied on friends and family. School were forewarned but dd was late 4 out of the 5 days and I got a rather snotty letter!

[thesnootyfox]

Are there any parents living nearby who can help you with the school runs?

When will your dd have a place at a local school?

[pylonic]

Ryledup.

We can't walk to school. It's 4 miles away and involves a national speed limit A road....

[thornrose]

I know families that have been referred to Social Services because of poor attendance and lateness (I was the attendance officer!)
Our procedures were to send out 2 warning letters, then an invitation to an attendance panel with the Educational Welfare Officer. The family were offered support and if they didn't engage then they were referred to SS.
I think this is your cue to "engage". I would consider this an unofficial "heads up" by the Head and think yourself lucky to be honest!
You really need to turn this around.

[gingerchick]

If you were late for work consistently there would be a problem it is no different
For school I do understand that you have depression and difficulties I really do but you really do need to take the school into your confidence and work with them they do only have your daughters best interest
At heart as I'm sure you do

[pylonic]

Aspiemum

There is no uniform grant in this county.

[Perriwinkle]

Perhaps the Head called your mum in to try and do a bit of digging...? She may have thought that your mum might have let something slip about your personal circumstances that may have filled in a few gaps for her and enabled her to get a better handle on what was going on at home? Anyway, whatever. To be perfectly honest I think the rights and wrongs of what the Head did in involving your mum are a bit of a red herring here anyway.

The way you parent your child may seem to be perfectly acceptable to you (doesn't it to us all?) but you have to be prepared to be criticised sometimes and I think you can most certainly be criticised for your daughter's constant late arrival at school due to your oversleeping. Maybe calling SS in might seem a bit harsh to you but if your DD is raising red flags for neglect in line with usual school policies then the school has every right to act on what they see. They have a statutory duty of care to your DD and a duty to advocate for her. After all, if you as her mother aren't going to see to it that you wake up on time in order to see to it that's she not late for school on a very regular basis, who else is going to? The situation has to be addressed and it quite clearly can't be allowed to go on indefinitely.

Perhaps you could use this to your advantage and liaise with the Head to see whatshe can do to add weight to your request for a transfer for your DD, given the circumstances of her constant lateness, which you say is principally based on poor transport links?

If I were in your shoes and I had an ex partner whom I thought was just waiting for me to step out of line in order to use it against me in a potential custody battle for my child I would sure as hell make sure my behaviour was nothing short of exemplary.

Just another thought, do you think you might be depressed? The reason I ask this is because a work colleague of mine was once chronically depressed and slept extremely poorly as a result. He used to have a few drinks at night too and this also interfered with his ability to get refreshing sleep so consequently he only drifted off to sleep properly at around 4am and then simply couldn't get up when the alarm went off and felt like shit all day.

Anyway, good luck.

[CrackedNipplesSuchFun]

If all buses are with the same company then surely they offer a 'day ticket'? We Where i llive they do. It's £4, that would be £80 4 weekly. Not cheap no, but you do need to get her there on time. It's one of our many duties as parents/guardians, along with the other things like brushing teeth, eating... Again all of which, if neglected, will impact the child, both short and long term.

[sittinginthesun]

OP, I just wonder what you are hoping to achieve from this thread?

The consensus is that the school can report if they have concerns. It is their job to do so.

There is no excuse for persistent lateness, or not providing adequate uniform. If the school have flagged the chocolate milk, then don't send it to school.

You seem to be trying to find excuses to justify everything. You will get loads of support and advice on Mumsnet, but you have listen.