Need detacted perspective.

[rebl]

We've had a lot of problems (ranging from minor to extremely serious safeguarding issues) with the school dd is in last yr (reception). We even got to the point of looking round other schools but because of logistics with ds already being at a different school we didn't move her. Also she seemed happy on the whole. One of the issues to us was that certainly in reading she wasn't being pushed at all. She's reading ORT level 5 at school (after a lot of pushing) and yet reading things like Charlie and the chocolate factory, Charlottes Web etc at home. Totally understanding them and loving them. This summer she's read her way through the library and loving it. I should point out shes in a yrR/yr1 class so kept the same teacher that she had last year.

She started yr 1 yesterday and although the book sent home for reading was easy the question was a challenge, find the moral in the story. So I thought they've worked out she needs more stretching. Also, at pick up today, her teacher made a point of speaking to me to tell me that they've decided to give her a 30 min slot per week when she can speak to an adult of her choice about anything that is bothering her (she's deals with huge amounts of things at home cos of ds and school didn't support that last year which affected friendships). I came away feeling positive, that they're trying at last. But todays book is easy and there is no challenging question, there is no question at all. Just read the book basically.

Get her to bed, she seems fine. Then whilst getting ds to bed we hear stiffled crying. Go into her and shes in floods of tears. She thought she was going to learn something in yr 1 (her words not mind). She thought that she was going to learn some maths and get to do some writing and spellings. She's apparently not going to the toilet in case she misses the thing she is going to learn. But she's not learnt anything and doesn't want to go back to school again just to sit there being told what the number 28 is and how to spell "and". She has come home with a list of spellings for the whole term today. She can already spell them all. She knows her numbers, she wants to "do sums". She's not taking after me on this, believe me, sounds like an easy life to me not learning in school!

The knee jerk reaction is to go straight to the private school she's been offered a funded place at and somehow work out the travel logistics and keep up with the jones's. But the brain is sort of saying this is only day 2, of course she's not learning anything yet. But then this teacher knows dd, she should know that she can spell all these words, the books are way to easy and she knows her numbers.

So, reading all this and being emotionally detached, what would you do? Would you wait until half term, like you had decided during the holidays, see if things improve and then go into school and effectively give them until Christmas to sort it out? Or would you just cut your loses and move her now and work out the logisitics and keeping up with the jones's issues?

[rebl]

is there anything about the private school that worries you?
I don't know. My gut feeling isn't positive about it but I can't tell you what. DH loved it but he's not one to make decisions and he's of the opinion we should give this term a chance.

DD was unhappy this morning going to school and was apparently "sick". We're going to talk to her this weekend when she's not tired and emotional and see what comes of it. We're going to directly ask her if she would like to move schools. Her opinion must be taken into account and be part of this decision.

[unitarian]

My DD also spent time in a school where she wasn't stretched and was utterly miserable. We delayed moving her because she got a very good teacher for one year but then it was back to her being bored to death. She wasn't allowed to move on with reading books in case she got 'too far ahead'.
When she refused to go to school that was the end of the matter. We moved her - she was delighted.

That other school has spotted your girl's potential and made you an offer you would be a fool to turn down.

[Chestnutx3]

Go and look round the private school with your daughter next week and ask if she can sit in a lesson.

[LovetheHarp]

My DD was exactly the same as yours in Y1 - word by word.

We battled all year and got nowhere.

My DD's attitude to school in the end was that school is for fun and home is for learning. She had great hopes for Y2, but so far 4 days in, nothing has changed - we are still hoping things will get better for her.

I am very close to doing the rounds of different schools too. I am not keen to move her BUT it pains me to see her attitude changing in this way. Also I don't think it's fair for her to spend the little spare time she has working, home should be about playing with her siblings, spending time with her family and doing activities she enjoys, rather than doing academic work.

So I empathise 100% with your situation, keep us posted on how it goes!!!

[unitarian]

Yes. I should have said that my DD agreed to moving schools and we discussed it again very thoroughly after a visit to the new one.

[Hullygully]

I'd move her now, so long as they can take care of the emotional stuff too.

[unitarian]

Also, at the very least, it will give the current school food for thought.
When I told the head that DD was leaving my girl's needs suddenly became very important and all sorts of assurances were forthcoming. I didn't believe a word of it.

I was also fascinated to see how many children had disappeared from the first school and re-materialised at the new one. My DD wasn't the only one. There had been a brain-drain going on!

[Eglu]

I think the current school are just not going to provide the kind of extension work your daughter wants or needs. Especially now she is in the older end of the class.

The private school seems like it could really be the answer for her.

I am moving DS1 to a new school as our local school is tiny. Only 2 classes for the whole school, and I don't feel he is being pushed enough. He is also nowhere near as bright as your daughter sounds.

[PastSellByDate]

Hi Rebl:

It sounds like you're worried and unhappy and your daughter is clearly unhappy. There seems to be a lot of complications which I don't understand, however I think the questions to ask yourself is do you believe the present school is going to do something to improve the challenge of learning for your daughter?

Unless you have reservations about the private school, given your daughter can go there for free, I'd seriously consider moving her. She's clearly very unhappy and extremely keen to learn. If the private school can support that - a happier child who's learning and enjoying it seems worth the logistical troubles of two children in different schools. You may even find that eventually friends at that school can help a bit with car pooling or something.

If you feel that keeping her at the school is of some benefit personally/ socially - then talk to the school. You'd like your daughter to be doing more challenging work and she's clearly wanting to learn all she can. Explain what you're going through at home and ask the school what they think. How can they help? If they aren't particualrly supportive/ helpful - I think you will have the answer to your question about moving school.

[SeaweedNK]

Ask the private school if your DD can attend for a 'taster day' (or 2 or 3 if they will allow it). This would give you the chance to assess how she feels about the school and whether you think it will suit her.

I would actually be a little concerned about there only being 7 children in the year group. Small class sizes are great, but if the other year groups are similarly small, I can't see how the school is financially viable. Have you looked for an ISA report on the school?

[rebl]

I have spoken to a parent of an older girl in dd's school who I know went through similar things in this class. They nearly moved her because of the tears, not being stretched, the teacher being so dire. But they didn't and now they don't regret that decision. She said (and some other seasoned parents have also said this) "You just need to weather Mrs X." Once out of her class her daughter became a changed child and now in yr 4 loves school and is flying and being extended where appropriate.

[piprabbit]

So the private school is so keen and excited to have chance to educate your child that they have offered you a 100% bursary, which is as rare as hen's teeth. They will teach your child in a class of 7, where she will get plenty of individual attention.
Balanced with the fact that your DD is in tears and faking sickness to avoid her current school, that the school/teacher has already had one year to get to grips with your DDs needs but has chosen not to offer her more appropriate work but for her to have a weekly chat about feelings to someone (who, some sort of specialist professional or a TA or what? why, what are they going to do with the information your DD gives them? use it to her benefit or simply feel they've done enough by listening?)

I would go to the private school and get then to answer any concerns you have. Let them reassure you. Then move your DD. It can't be worse than the present situation.

[piprabbit]

BTW I've just read your more recent post and am that you are prepared to tolerate the status quo for another year until your DD changes class, on the off chance that another teacher may be better for your DD.
Another year and your DD might have lost all faith in education.

[rebl]

piprabbit I'm certainly not prepared to tolerate the status quo, she very nearly didn't go to school today believe me. I just said what other parents have said. We have to consider all things. I'm calling the other school at lunchtime and seeing if dd can go and spend a couple of days there (not just a couple of hours) and take it from there. Its important to us to make sure we don't jump from the frying pan into the fire (or is that the otherway round!). Therefore we need to make sure any move is totally right for dd and the only way I can see to do that is what another poster suggested and that is to give her proper exposure to the alternative.

[rebl]

I'm speaking to as many people as I can about the situation in rl and therefore obviously getting some views about dd's school and current teacher from those who have been through that class.

[unitarian]

The same is true of all schools but you cannot predict the staff changes that will take place in 6 years.

DD never got the teacher she was expecting to have in any year at the first primary school - maternity leave and illness took care of that. The very good teacher in Y2 was a pleasant surprise but the consequent slump in Y3 was made even worse in contrast. Parents of DD's classmates with older children stuck it out because the school had been good for their older DC's but it was very definitely in decline after the retirement of two key long-serving staff members. The quiet brain-drain I mentioned up thread was making matters worse.

The new school she went to has had staffing changes also but has maintained its hard-working ethos. I would add that, having followed the fortunes of that year group (from both schools) through the same secondary school and sixth form, DD's second primary school did a good job for the less-academic as well as for the high-flyers.
A close look at their GCSE and A level results showed that the ones who suffered most academically in the long run were the ones who were taught from reception in the first school.
Don't underestimate the importance of the infant years.

Everyone defends their own decision though and each must make their own so you are right to have a good look at the alternative.

[avoider]

We've had similar problems with reception year - my DD has just moved into year 1. I think I would take up the private school offer myself. We seem to have a much better teacher for year 1 so am hoping things will improve.

I went to a private secondary school. It was a real mix of people - mostly just ordinary people with two working parents, or some had fees paid by grandparents. They certainly weren't all very wealthy if that's what you're worried about.