Can a 5yo be a bully?

[rebl]

I mean in the true sense of the word? I mean, are they capable of being systematically vindictive against 1 child reguarly and do it because they actually mean to be nasty all the time?

My ds is being picked on by a boy in his class everyday. The boy isn't being nice at all. He's also breaking ds's toys that he takes in. He's telling other children to get him and telling other children to run away from my ds. My dh says its bullying but I'm not sure a 5yo (admittedly he's one of the older ones in the class) can actually be a bully.

DH and I need this clearing up so I thought I would ask MN!

The school are being very supportive over it all btw.

[munstersmum]

Difficult one rebl because we strictly followed the don't retaliate line & in hindsight think it was biggest mistake. Teachers didn't address at all effectively so in effect their inaction condoned the bully's behaviour & it just continued downwards.
We were adamant DS should not become one of life's victims. We now take the line your must never start anything & do no worse back. DS knows this would get him into trouble at school but we will not tell him off.

[legalalien]

absolutely yes.

[this thread has made me feel much better as when I tentatively approached DS's school a year and a half ago on this subject I thought maybe I was doing the wrong thing. am pleased to say they sorted it, but only after a change of class teacher. ]

[kipperandtiger]

yes

[kipperandtiger]

Would normally not condone hitting either, but in this case I think your DS absolutely did the right thing to hit this bully. He's telling him that if he continues to behave in this way there will be consequences. Why is the bully not being given time outs or excluded - and supervised, to check his behaviour doesn't continue? (I am guessing the 5 yr old bully has done it more than 4 times, and not just once or twice). Your DH is right about this. Maybe time for an appointment with the headteacher, if the form teachers can't control the situation.

[teacherwith2kids]

Rebl,

Just to tell you what we did in this situation when DS was being bullied. DS would not hit back - he's a very rule-bound child. Also he was tall and strong and his bully was much smaller so DS would instantly have been labelled the attacker (it was very hard, because of this physical disparity, to make anyone take the bullying seriously). He didn't want to 'interrupt the teacher because she's always busy'.

So I taught him to shout. VERY loudly (it was a reception class with a large free-flow outdoor classroom so he needed to be heard from a long distance). 'Stop doing that, I don't like it' or just 'Stop it X'. I told the teacher that this was going to happen and she was all a bit 'OK, whatever, I think this is all in your imagination'.

After hearing and dealing with LOTS of shouts from DS for several days, we did finally get the issue taken seriously, a TA was put on covert watch and saw much more of what was going on. As I said, the class teacher never really dealt with it properly, but I would say that teaching loud shouting rather than hitting or having to 'go and tell the teacher' was a very successful strategy for us, without in any way putting DS 'in the wrong'.

[teacherwith2kids]

(Also, should point out that this shouting strategy pre-dated the selective mutism - the bullying continued into the next class, and DS gave up shouting as the next teacher never really responded. So he just gave up talking to adults altogether except at home, and even then very rarely)

[sue52]

DD2 was the target of a manipulative and sly 5 year old. It took me a while to realise what was happening as I did not believe such a young girl could be capable of premeditated unpleasantness.

[rebl]

teacher that is an interesting idea. I wonder if ds will do it though. They broke up yesterday so I'm hoping that over the summer it will all blow over although sadly I'm suspecting it won't. DS is an easy target. I've been told that the new class teacher has been informed of the situation. I guess we'll see what happens in September but we will be keeping a very close eye on the situation.