I don't know whether anyone saw this article on Saturday? Mine's a dd not a ds, but despite the slightly mawkish tone of the article (which I generally dislike in the 'a letter to' column), it really struck a chord.
I don't think I found dd1 so difficult, but am finding dd2 so arsey and stroppy and just generally feeling as though.... she doesn't really love me any more. I'm glum and (hate this excuse, but it's true) a tad hormonal today, and I'd love to hear from other parents of 11/12 year olds. I know she'll be arsey when she gets in from school, so I don't hurry to be home first. I know she won't really be grateful for anything I do, but I just pathetically keep on. When I suggest things, she never seems that keen. When I ask her to do stuff, she huffs all over the place. She's cutting and unsympathetic and generally gives the air of despising me - and it is me, it's not dp and not really her sister who get this.
She's doing amazingly at school - clocking up the merits, lots of good feedback, happy in friendship groups which she's broadened since starting year 7. I just don't think she likes me much, and to be honest, some days I struggle to like her. 
Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.
Preteens
12 year olds - does anyone else feel this?
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 22/04/2013 10:23
Isn't that what happens in 'We Need to Talk About Kevin' 
But yes, they are - we played Pictureka last time, it was nice! Perhaps I could undercook the chicken tonight and she might love me again.... 
I take it all back! Dd has come home in the sunniest of moods 
. She made me really laugh with her self deprecating comments about the scones she made in DT and wasn't even grumpy when I couldn't find any jam to go with them.
Love my little girl (even though she is an inch taller than me).
The idea of undercooking dinner really made me laugh! 
Must be something in the air today, DD also came home in a good mood as she was presented with an award in assembly this morning and couldn't wait to show me. Perhaps she still hasn't fully recovered from her illness yet!
I know exactly what you are saying - DD is coming up to 14 and you just get used to it You learn to give them space and accept that the relationship is changing - she is no longer your little girl and you have to start treating her as becoming more of an equal (at least at times) She was a really easy baby and child and has been a relatively easy teen, I guess. I think the 11/12 - 13+ was the most difficult as she went through the worst bits of puberty. And as Mintyy says, those sunny moments need to be cherished!
Actually, I think DD is generally a bit better at home (and having a lovely bf seems to help - she is always in a better mood when she's been chatting/out with him!)
However, I now have a 12yo DS who is hormone-city and eating for England. His voice is really loud (hard to volume-control on breaking voice, apparently!) and he is being soooo annoying - joking around and showing off..... Not grumpy yet though, thank God, apart from first thing in the morning!
My dd too was perfectly pleasant yesterday and this morning - to be fair, I don't worry she's a horrid girl, I just sometimes feel she doesn't like me very much!
Am very chuffed with her today because she's had the option of doing the Junior Maths Challenge at school, and last year at primary didn't get a bronze whilst some friends got gold - she knows this, and she knows maths isn't really her thing, and she knows she doesn't have to do it, but she's going to, which I think is fab .
My dd is 12. She is a hormonal mess and so am I as I am going through the menopause. We really do rub each other up the wrong way a lot of the time.
I find myself avoiding spending time with her as she swings between being moody, moany and downright nasty, followed by needy and clingy.
Last night was a needy night. During the course of the evening she decided she was verging on anorexia and had gone off food; was self harming because she purposefully hurt herself in science to get out of the lesson and has OCD because she keeps checking the bathroom door is locked when she's in there. 
it could be a long, next few years.
yeah walking on egg shells here too! Have to say though there have been some times where she has been too much and its tipped over the edge of the normal bit of banter and ended up losing her laptop so im hoping this is going to calm her down for now which it looks to have done.
If we say we are going out though all hell breaks loose that girl don't want to leave that room, she is turning into a mini hermit! Although i try and get her to get involved with family games, board or the wii, me and her go up the shops or the cinema if something good is on we have also been watching the great sewing B! And get her out to the park or down the beach, bowling from time to time too!
The hormones are a night mare though aren't they, its like they change complete person! haha! But then again she has some great times too like someone said i hang onto them
x
I can tell you it is a phase..i have a DS2 who is 15 now and i can see light at the end of the tunnel, yay!... However i had the advantage of knowing what to expect as had already had the enjoyable experience with DS1.
I would say there's bugger all you can do, so try not to waste time changing tactics as there isn't a right one, just ride the storm, and be patient as they definitely become nice again
Hoh yes, Mintyy, never argue that they haven't told you something. It's ALWAYS your fault for not listening/remembering
DD and my goddaughter (who lives 200miles away) are dancing to Beyonce. On skype
This thread could be written about my twin DD's (12). They are both (fortunately at different times) moody, sulky and cross with me. My Nan always used to say 'A mother's place is in the wrong' and I accept that now and automatically assume I'm going to be wrong and it'll be my fault. That way it's a pleasant surprise when I'm not
I should say they can both be wonderfully delightful and a lot of fun but only when they want to be.
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