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When your kids get to a certain age do you just give up having days out with them?

60 replies

VivaLeBeaver · 01/06/2012 21:26

dd is 11. We're going away tomorrow for a few days camping and have days out planned each day. Now weather forecast isn't good so the aim is for mainly indoory type stuff. Going to the think tank science museum in Birmingham one day, the back to backs in Birmingham another day with the promise of shopping alongside that, black country museum another day (meant to be like beamish), and Chester zoo another day.

Chester zoo is the only day which got a positive reaction, she's looked at the think tank website and said ok, she's quite horrified by the black country museum idea and is only agreeing to the back to backs if she can go to h&m after.

She says she would rather not go away over half term And instead would prefer to mope round the house and meet up with her mates down the park. Are my days of taking her out numbered?

OP posts:

VivaLeBeaver · 01/06/2012 21:47

Winny, my dd is very sarcastic, answers back, answer for everything. I do think it's partly their age. Flexing their muscles a bit?

OP posts:

chipmunksex · 01/06/2012 21:50

Yup we've just stopped trying, dc are 10 and 13

it doesn't help that I always work one day at the weekend, so there are always things that need doing.

Or if we go to the beach or something it's so faaaar, it takes all day and we are knackered at the end of it.

Much easier just to send 'em out with scooters or whatever. Sad

I miss going to the farm and feeding the lambs


VivaLeBeaver · 01/06/2012 21:50

He does look after her a lot. Unfortunately they're generally the days I'm working at weekends. I don't mind him going paragliding when I'm not working and to be honest there's not many days when the weather is right for him to go. But maybe 2 or 3 days a month this time of year, hardly anything in the autumn/winter.po

OP posts:

HerMajAnyFucker · 01/06/2012 21:53

for a couple of years, you do end up sitting at home while your kids have a social life with their mates at the park

when mine were out, I never left the house in case "something happened" and they needed me

it passes though, and soon you will be making sure their mobile phone, and yours, is charged and you will do your own thing and they will do theirs

this too shall pass


VivaLeBeaver · 01/06/2012 21:55

I guess I'll have chance to read all the books I ever wanted to.

OP posts:

Sparklingbunting · 01/06/2012 21:55

Ds1 is nearly 13 and he is going through this. It's not cool to be seen anywhere with your Mum and Dad and 10 year old brother.

Everything suggested is boring, especially anything DS2 like to do. We have a pass to Gaydon Motor Museum (dead cars) and DS2 loves it, but DS1 wants to be dropped at the park with money. Sad

I CBA to even think of the summer holiday. A week in the UK with Mr 'It's boring' is too much for my patience.


winnybella · 01/06/2012 21:57

Yes, answer for everything and needs to have the last word. Grr. At the same time very fragile and oversensitive. I find it hard to know how to deal with it sometimes, even though I understand it's a normal way to be for a preteen.

Today he held a stink bomb to my head, pretending to break it, and then said to ex 'Well, with her there's no need for that'(translating from French, basically implying I smell). What broke my heart was the way he said it and the way he was looking at ex, looking for approval iyswim, trying to be witty in a way that ex (who talks shit about me to DS all the time) would approve of. Perhaps I'm oversensitive as I have a raging PMT at the mo.


skirt · 01/06/2012 21:59

hey I can see why you feel upset. It's horrible to think you aren't needed. What do YOU like to do though, could you find that thing? Sounds naff but arty types can paint, or quilt, or blog or write. Academic sorts can study. Business types can sell on ebay. This IS the start of your time you just have to remember what you like to do x


mummytime · 01/06/2012 22:01

Nope, I just don't ask. We have been blessed by kids who younger than 11 will create like we are torturing them by our ideas of a day out. However when forced to go, they usually enjoy themselves, the rare disasters turn into family jokes and get an ice-cream treat.
16 year old has to be dragged out of the house, to ever leave, but can have fun as long as it is nowhere his friends will see him.


HerMajAnyFucker · 01/06/2012 22:02

winny, you are not oversensitive

your ex is an arse, and he is teaching your son to be the same Sad


winnybella · 01/06/2012 22:06

Damn, I was hoping I was overreacting Sad There's nothing I can do, though, we've shared care of DS 50/50 (week with me, week with him, well he's a bit more with me, I guess)since he was 4. He loves his father and ex is a competent father, if a total wanker.


winnybella · 01/06/2012 22:07

And yes, DS's sarcastic tongue is not making him lots of friends. I wish ex would see it.


winnybella · 01/06/2012 22:08

Sorry, Viva, for derailing your thread Blush

I guess just enjoy the free time. But I see how it's bittersweet.


HerMajAnyFucker · 01/06/2012 22:11

I don't agree it is "competent" parenting to teach a child to disrespect another parent so openly


MrsBranestawm · 01/06/2012 22:12

OP, would she like the idea of the camping trip more if she could take a friend? We've sometimes done that. Two happy kids in a tent are easier to manage than one bored and stroppy one.

Black Country Museum is good iirc. There's a mockup of a school, shops, other stuff I can't remember. Lots there. She'll probably enjoy it.


GrimmaTheNome · 01/06/2012 22:17

My DD is 13 and still seems happy to have 'days out' with us. But it works both ways - she developed a passion for windsurfing so I ended up most saturdays last summer standing by a reservoir in the and I had our first beginners windsurfing lesson there last week. I think she feels we're putting in time and effort with her interest, so she'll go along with what we want on Sunday and in the hols. She sees quite a lot of her friends too though, after school or when we get back sat/sun afternoons.


winnybella · 01/06/2012 22:21

I meant 'competent' as in he provides well for DS's needs like food, clothing etc, takes him on holidays (well, dumps him with his mother, usually), is not late for school, takes him to cinema etc etc. Therefore I have no chance of getting residence order for all the reasons above plus DS loves him very much and vice versa plus judges don't like upsetting status quo unless compelling reasons are given. I also don't want to talk badly about ex to DS, so my hands are tied.


HerMajAnyFucker · 01/06/2012 22:31

it's a very difficult situation, winny Sad

I wouldn't tolerate my teenage son treating me like that though, and if I needed to get to the root cause of it, I would risk upsetting the applecart without any compunction


Buntingbunny · 01/06/2012 22:35

My 11 yo comes and moans, but she's moaned all her life. (She is also left at home for short local walks.)

14 yo elder daughter happily tags along on absolutely anything always has.

We live in the middle of no where so DDs can't be out unless we've taken them to see friends or invited them over, which reduces their options somewhat.

But really it boils down to temperament DD1 is very happy go lucky do what she wants to and DD2 is a strange normal person who worries how things appear to her peer group.

DD1 is far more like meWink


VivaLeBeaver · 02/06/2012 07:44

Well she's agreed not to winge while we're away so I'll see how it goes. She says she finds the evenings on the campsite boring....I've packed the dvd player and dvds. Hopefully she'll make some friends on the campsite.

And another thing that's been bothering me. She's recently taken to hanging out with her friends down the park, etc. We live in a big village which I think if she's with others is quite safe. But I've turned into one of those parents who let their kids roam round the village with no idea what they're up to, etc. Is this acceptable? Obviously any reports of bad behaviour would lead to being grounded but while she seems to be behaving herself do I let her go out like this?

We had some antisocial behaviour in the village a few years ago. DD wasn't involved as she was younger but I rememebr at a village meeting the PCSO saying if you don't know where your child is then its probably them involved.

OP posts:

HerMajAnyFucker · 02/06/2012 09:09

I think it's more likely that the kids involved in antisocial behaviour are the ones that come from antisocial families

My eldest is 16 now and I have never had a whiff of her causing any mischief when she has been out and and about (and no, I haven't always known exactly where she is)


cory · 02/06/2012 10:24

No, we compromise. (Dd is no problem because she has pretty well the same interests as us. Ds (just turned 12) does not.)

I'd basically say if we are going away somewhere else- like you are doing- then we are going away and he just has to put up with it (though we will try to find at least something he enjoys too).

If it's just a day out, we adopt a varying approach: sometimes we will let him stay at home on his own, but occasionally we do insist on him coming to show an interest in us and our things- just as we show an interest in him when we take him to football or whatever. He is old enough to learn it cuts both ways.

If we were staying at home for halfterm, then we wouldn't insist on him being with us every single day.

(doesn't actually happen as we usually work through halfterm)

And if it's a visit to elderly relative in nursing home/grandmother's birthday party etc- then he quite simply has to come, because it's not just about him then.


PrematurelyAirconditioned · 02/06/2012 10:41

Dear heavens I hope not. DD (9) whines about walking too far etc but I'm in total denial about the possibility that she will ever refuse to come and do stuff. I have a whole load of stuff that I'm looking forward to her doing with me - plays, musicals, movies, shopping, sewing courses.
We're all going to the World Science Fiction convention for a week in 2014 when she'll be 11 and she will come, and she will enjoy herself.

I'm partly influenced by the fact that I was a boarding school child so a) time with parents was a pretty scarce commodity, not to be wasted and b) I literally didn't have any friends at home so didn't have anybody to hang out with apart from family.


JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 02/06/2012 12:07

Ds and I have a shared interest and happily bugger off, leaving dp at home, to related events. I love these days out.

Are they numbered then? He's nearly 12 :(


Dee03 · 02/06/2012 12:20

My 3 ds are 10,13 and 15 and since last year they will very rarely go for days out anymore.
Occasionally we go to the cinema...but 15 year old wont come!
Occasionally we go to a very nice large park with skate park and cafe (where i spend my time) but only because its a 20 minute drive away!

Apart from that thats about it. I do miss our days out tbh. We are going on holiday on monday to Camber Sands and yet again my 15 year old is staying with my parents at our house as he says it'll be too boring!!!

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