Found out I'm pregnant last night. WTH do I do!

[confuseddot]

Hi all

So I found out I was pregnant last night. Not planned whatsoever. Been with my partner 8 months and although we live together (mortgaged house) I was hoping to be together longer and possibly be married first!!! We are shocked to day the least. Me more so than him. He is so calm and I haven't stopped shaking and crying.

I have always wanted to be a mum. I knew I was put on this earth to do so from a young age but I feel we have so much time left as a couple, that sounds selfish doesn't it?

I am 22 BTW and I feel so scared and worried. I feel too young but then again I know I'm not THAT young. The thought of telling family horrifies me so I have no one to speak to. My other half seems generally happy and wanted to tell his parents but then today I think he is in shock and is just quieter than usual.

I have so many questions. How will I afford a baby? How much do they cost? Other half is on good wages and mine not bad but with maternity how would I afford it all. Child care I think we would be fine with when I go back to work but how do I afford the house and bills etc! How old were you with your first? Please tell me your reactions? And when you told your family and what their reactions were? How do I know if I'm making the right decision by keeping the baby?

What do I do next? Doctors? What happens after that?

I'm sorry i have rambled on I'm not sure what I need to know nor how I feel. I guess I just wanted some reassurance from people that have been there.

[confuseddot]

Hi user. J have booked an apt to have Na early scan Monday and to discuss options. Me and the other half have worked out we will survive money wise unfortunately I'll only get statutory maternity pay as haven't been in my job long enough for the company mat pay. We both decided after my other half sought out a video of how a baby develops over weeks that if there's a heart beat if I'm 6 weeks or further from what we've read. Then we will be keeping baby xx

[user1490291922]

Hi Dot, glad to hear it seems like you're getting your head around it and sound happier let us know how you get on with your scan etc xx

[user1490291922]

Have you worked out how many weeks you think you might be? X

[confuseddot]

I have no idea really as I was on the pill. Haven't been sick or anything just started to develop burning boobs the last week and a half and had period like dull paints for that time too. I sort of had a period start of Feb but unusual for me it was light and only for a day and a half. Usually I bleed heavy throughout my week break of the pill xx

[user1490291922]

I didn't find out until I was 11 weeks which is crazy!!! Hope Monday goes well, keep us updated x

[FP239]

I was a young mum, I had my first at 18 and my second at 20. I used maternity leave and the first few years of their lives to attend uni part time. I got remarried and had another 2 kids over the next ten years. Yes it was very very hard. I had to watch my friends careers progress while I cleaned poopy bums and got barfed on. They got mortgages and travelled to white sandy beaches while I was in ball pools and wacky warehouses. BUT. Now I have three teenagers aged 19,18,13 and a 9 year old. I get to lie in every weekend and travel wherever I want. My friends are all doing the wacky warehouse thing and complaining about how hard the sleepless nights are at our age .... I am laughing all the way home :)

There is no right time. What works for one doesn't work for another. I was told I would regret having my kids so young but then at 30 I got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that means I cant have any more so thank god I didn't wait! My choice worked for me, and I am sure yours will work for you. Afterall, its just a little baby. People have been having them with far less for much longer.

[barnetbarnet]

Just reading the original post - the thoughts of future and how you'll get by and survive are truly heart warming from a 22y.

Looking that far ahead 'when I return to work' - I love that attitude and clearly you're an asset to society.

Good luck and hope everything works out for you.

You've been blessed so enjoy it x

[confuseddot]

Thank you all. And Barnet special thanks to you. You have made my day! I would definitely have to return to work as I have a mortgage to pay and would be an extra mouth to feed. I want the best upbringing I can give a child and that's why I was so worried about the money side as although I don't want too spoil them massively I do want them to never have to go without if I can help it x

[user1490291922]

Hi Dot, good luck tomorrow. Will be thinking of you! Let us know how you get on xx

[MakeItStopNeville]

I agree with a previous poster. There's never a "right" time to have a baby. We had ours at 21 while still at Uni. Obviously it wasn't ideal and required a huge leap of faith but worked out fine for us. We're still happily married with more kids, 20 years later. That said, DC1 is now at Uni themselves and under strict instructions not to repeat their parents' experience!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[user1490291922]

How did you get on?

[confuseddot]

I'm 6 weeks and there is a heart beat. We've had a proper chat and we've both chose to keep the baby. Just another 6weeks before we can tell anyone really as that's the 'safe' time isn't it? Scary but excited. Had an offer accepted on another house today and our house is going up for sale this week. Big changes x

[user1490291922]

Oh thats lovely news! Congratulations I'm so pleased you were able to come to a decision and be happy with it yes 12 weeks is meant to be the time you tell people as you will have your big scan where they do your downs check etc, your nuchal scan it's called! If you ever need anything feel free to message, I am 3 months on from exactly where you were 12 weeks ago so happy to help with whatever. Good news re your house too! Xx

[confuseddot]

Thanks so much user. I feel less anxiety now we've made a decision. Just scary!! Do I call midwifes tomorrow and let them know? X

[MooPointCowsOpinion]

Wonderful news dot! First midwife appointment when you're about 8 weeks, so call tomorrow.

[BertieBotts]

How exciting :) Congratulations and good luck on this adventure OP xx

[mummytime]

You may well be able to do festivals this summer too. (But it's a good excuse for a good camping bed.)

[confuseddot]

Thanks. We'll festival we have paid for is in August. Can you do a weekend festival that far along? X

[mummytime]

You will be about 27 weeks then (judging by 6 weeks now). That is the ideal time to do things usually. You are past the worst of the morning sickness (assuming you just have that), and at the worst just entering trimester 3. The only issue might be toilets - as your bladder will be shrunk, so you may well feel the urge to pee far more frequently.
If you want to upgrade to glamping or a camper van, then its a good excuse.

A festival though it probably better than frantic decorating (which due to loosening ligaments can cause a lot of back ache).

[user1490291922]

I went to my doctor Andre referred me to the maternity unit at my nearest hospital

[glitterglitters]

@confuseddot Glastonbury have midwives on site. Just take it easy :)

[Laurenannxo]

Hi Dot, how many weeks are you now? How are you? X

[Confuseddot]

Hi Lauren I am 15 weeks now. We find out the sex next Saturday with a private scan and bump is definitely visible now! Found out I may have to have a caesarian as I have. Complete placenta previa where placenta is fully over the cervix. I'll have to have regular scans at 28+ weeks to see if the placenta has grown away from. The cervix. Unlikely they said but can happen. I hope so as I'd love a natural birth if i could x

[Confuseddot]

And I'm very well thank you. Sickness is over with for now and feeling more energised! We haven't announced to people yet as in social media but people who see me and of course work know. X

[bumblebee61]

Personally, it seems to me that you really don't want a termination. You are bound to feel overwhelmed and emotional . There is so much to think about and you are taking a step into the unknown. I wonder how supportive your families would be? There are many advantages to having a baby young, and you will find a way through it if you support each other and love each other, and it sounds like you do. At whatever age/stage this happens it is overwhelming and a bit scary. I just wonder if you had a termination, would you look back and wonder what might have been? You will cope if you take one day at a time.