I have just found out I am pregnant and cannot decide the best thing to do. One second I am completely sure I should have a termination and the next second I want to have the baby. I only found out two days ago and wondered how anyone ever makes this kind of decision. I'm worried that whichever way I chose I will regret it and wish I had chosen the other option.
For some background me and my boyfriend are both 28. I have a good job and we have been together almost 5 years. I've never been pregnant before. On paper it seems like the usual time to have a baby together. However, our relationship can be quite rocky, we have often broken up and got back together over the last five years, we also do not live together. We used to live together but I now live with my friends as my boyfriend used to become too aggressive and unpredictable when he was drunk and I didn't feel completely safe. This was quite a few years ago though and I don't think he would act like this again (smashing my phone and screaming at me over minor things).
When I found out I was pregnant I was in complete shock. Having a baby together is not something we have ever discussed or thought of doing together. When I told my boyfriend, his first reaction was "I'm not ready for a baby, we can't have it" and he has said he is 100% sure he does not want to have a baby. While I know it is my decision, I wouldn't feel right about forcing him into something he is so against. And I'm not even sure that I want the baby either. But everytime I think I have completely decided on the termination I start thinking about having it again.
My biggest reason for not having it is I'm not sure I want to be tied to him for the next 20 years, share a baby with him and I'm not sure I'm still completely in love with him. He thinks I am having the termination so I don't know what his reaction would be if I told him I was having it. If I do have it I would feel bad that it is such a negative start and it wasn't happy news. If anyone has been in a similar situation and can tell me how they ended up making the final decision that would be so helpful. I've never been this conflicted about anything in my life and the worry is exhausting.
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Pregnancy choices
How can I decide whether to have an abortion or a baby?
39 replies
Flora87 · 12/07/2016 16:52
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